


What I Need Most

by all_the_ships_are_sailing



Category: Love Simon (2018), Love Victor (TV 2020)
Genre: Anxiety, Canon Compliant, Canon Continuation, Dissociation, Homophobia, M/M, Not literally, Panic Attacks, Post Season 1, Post-Canon, coming out doesn't go well, i'm writing tags like this is tumblr sorry, mental health, not great parenting, the entire spier family are angels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:35:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 31
Words: 80,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28550991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/all_the_ships_are_sailing/pseuds/all_the_ships_are_sailing
Summary: Continuation from the end of Season 1 of Love, Victor.Sorry for abruptly changing the rating. I wasn't initially planning to write smut, but we're dealing with horny teenagers and it just sort of happened. I'm working on putting a rating for each chapter in the chapter summaries for reference.Also, I'm definitely basing a lot of the teachers and especially the guidance counselor off faculty members from my own high school and middle school, but I'm changing names because privacy reasons. kthnx.
Relationships: Benjamin "Benji" Campbell & Victor Salazar, Benjamin "Benji" Campbell/Victor Salazar, Bram Greenfeld/Simon Spier (background), Lake Meriwether/Felix Weston, Leah Burke/Abby Suso (implied/background)
Comments: 49
Kudos: 129





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated T
> 
> TW: Homophobia

_“Mom, Dad…I’m gay.”_

I close my eyes and prepare for all of my worst fears to be realized, but nothing happens. _Did I not actually say it? I definitely think I said it. I definitely remember saying it._ I open my eyes. My parents are staring at me, but they’re not talking. I can’t read their expressions. I glance to my sister. Her mouth is hanging open. She blinks at me.

“Wait,” she says quietly. “B…B is _Benji,_ isn’t it?”

I nod slowly. Her mouth forms an O and then she slaps her hand to it. “I didn’t…I didn’t realize…I’m…I’m sorry…I didn’t…”

I shake my head. “It’s okay,” I say quietly. “Don’t. I’ll explain later.” She nods and I look back to my parents. They still haven’t moved. “Mami? Papi?”

Slowly my mom shakes her head and blinks. “Mijo, I…Mia? You…you never…I…”

I swallow. “Mia knows,” I say and glance at Pilar. She mouths _how_ , and I mouth _later_.

“But you…” my mom tries again. “You were…she…”

I close my eyes again. “I know,” I say, deflated. “I know. I feel horrible. I’ve been trying to tell her…but she has a lot going on at home and I didn’t want to…I didn’t want to hurt her more, but now I’ve really messed that up and…”

“But you…” my mom says again. “How did this happen? You weren’t…you aren’t…”

I squeeze my eyes closed again. “I am, Mami,” I say slowly. “I really, _really_ am.”

“No, you’re not,” my dad says suddenly with seething anger.

I look at him. “Papi, I…”

He holds up a hand to stop me. “No. You are NOT.”

“I…I am…” I try to say but he shakes his head.

“Be quiet!” He practically shouts. I close my eyes and bow my head. “You are NOT! You have a girlfriend, Victor. You’re not…”

I bite my lip. “I thought I could…you know…I thought I could not be…I tried to not be…I do really like Mia…but…but not like that. I just…it’s not like that. I…I like guys. I _only_ like guys. I’m…I’m completely sure now.” I swallow and chance looking up. My parents are staring at me again and there’s this look on my sister’s face that I don’t quite understand.

“How can you say that?” my mom says quietly. “How can you _know_ that. Maybe…maybe you just haven’t found the right girl, mijo. Maybe…”

I close my eyes and shake my head. “If it was going to work with any girl, it would be Mia. And it won’t. It just won’t. It won’t work with a girl because I’m…I’m gay.”

“YOU’RE NOT!” my father rages. My mom puts her hand on his arm.

“Shh. Mando, you’ll wake Adrian.”

“You’ve been spending too much time with those friends of yours,” my father says; less loudly, but probably still too loud. I swallow. “The ones from your birthday.”

I blink at him. “Uh…only Benji is my friend…”

“Whatever. You’ve been spending too much time with them. He’s the one you work with?” I nod. “You need to find a new job.”

I shake my head. “No, Papi. No. I…”

“Yes, Victor.”

“Dad, please.”

“No questions. You have two weeks.”

“Papi, no, please, Benji…Benji doesn’t work there anymore…” My father stares at me, but says nothing. “He…he transferred locations…”

My father’s eyes narrow. “When?”

I swallow. “Last week.”

“Why?”

_I know why, but am I ready to tell them that?_ I remember Simon’s message about the truth and swallow. “Because I kissed him.”

“YOU WHAT!?!” My father booms.

I close my eyes. “I…I kissed him…when we…when we went on that work trip…I…I didn’t mean to…but it…it just sort of _happened_ …and…I mean…I…That’s when…I mean…that’s when I knew.”

“Just go…go to your room.”

I open my eyes and blink at him. “I…”

“GO!”

I swallow, “Okay.” I turn and walk back the hall toward my room. As I start walking, Adrian comes out of his room.

“Victor!” he says and he sounds relieved as he hugs my legs.

“Hey, Buddy,” I say, ruffling his hair. “Why are you awake?”

He bites his lip. “I heard Papi yelling. What’s wrong?”

I swallow and shake my head. “Nothing, Adrian. Go back to bed, okay? Do you want me to read you a story?”

He tilts his head at me. He can tell I’m lying. “Okay,” he says slowly. I follow him into his room and sit on the chair next to his bed with a book.

Just as I finish reading, he’s finally back to sleep. I put the book back on the shelf and walk toward the door to find my mother standing there with her hands on her hips. She looks at me expectantly. “He was awake when I was coming to my room,” I say. “He heard Dad yelling. He knows something’s wrong. I read him a story so he’d go back to sleep.”

She nods and moves out of my way. I go to my own room to find Pilar sitting at my desk, waiting. “Okay, spill. What actually happened?”

I shake my head and sigh. “How much do you know?”

“Uh, I’ve literally only read the letter and what you just told Mom and Dad, soooo.”

I sigh. “Okay, well, first of all yes, that letter was for Benji.”

“Tell me what actually happened with the kissing.”

I roll my eyes. “What I told mom and dad is true. I didn’t actually mean to, but he was there and I…I just _did_. And I was still with Mia and he was still with Derek and it was a huge mistake, but it happened and I…and I just realized that I couldn’t…you know. I couldn’t stay with Mia. I just…”

She raises her eyebrows. “Uh huh. Whatever. What happened with Mia? If you knew then…”

I close my eyes and sigh. “I was going to tell her. The night I went over there and she made sushi. I was going to do it then. But her dad and Veronica came home earlier than anticipated and dropped some bombshells that I don’t think it’s my place to repeat and I didn’t want to add to that disaster of a night for her, so I didn’t.” I swallow. “I should have, but I didn’t. Then I was trying to give her one last good memory at the dance, because she really deserves that and with everything happening at home, she really needs that. I was going to tell her tomorrow. But…”

“You should have told her.”

“I know, hermana, I know, but I didn’t,” I sigh again. “And then tonight…tonight was just a mess.”

“What…what happened? I mean other than me totally interrogating B to find out who B was which wow. Just wow.”

I almost laugh and shake my head. “I put that note in his locker this morning. And then tonight, he found me in the bathroom and…and we were talking and he said that he forgave me but that doesn’t change anything and that he needed to stay away from me.” She tilts her head. “Because I kissed him and he had a boyfriend. I told him it wouldn't happen again, but...” I shrug and she makes a face I don’t quite understand. “Anyway, he left the bathroom and then… Andrew walked out of one of the stalls and I panicked.”

“Oh my god.”

“Right, so I tried to tell him I could explain. But Mia pulled me onto the dance floor. Eventually Felix told me that he saw you talking to Benji and Derek and I saw them arguing. But before I got to them, I ran into Andrew and pulled him into the hallway. I asked if he was going to tell everyone. And he said he would never do that.” She makes a face that I’m sure means something along the lines of _yeah right_. I nod. “But I had no choice except to believe him." She scrunches her face. "He went back into the dance, because that's when Benji and Derek walked into the hallway. Derek was trying to leave and Benji was trying to get him to stay."

“Yikes.”

“Thanks for that, by the way.”

“What?”

“Derek put two and two together after you were talking to Benji and he was pissed. I…” I take a deep breath. “I told him that Benji’s a great guy and he’d be stupid to not see that and let him go. I told them that I’d stay out of their way and I just went outside.”

Pilar bites her lip. “Are you… I mean are you okay? Did Andrew tell Mia? What happened?”

I blink and nod. “There’s more.” She swallows and looks at me expectantly. “I ended up sitting on a bench, facing away from the building. I was just trying to clear my head, but Benji came and found me.” I bite my lip. “He…he broke up with Derek.”

Pilar’s eyes go wide. “Okay. Did not see that coming.”

I almost laugh. “I didn’t either. We were talking…and then…” I take a deep breath. “We kissed again. I…”

Her eyes are as wide as saucers. “Oh my god.”

“Which was fine. I mean it was more than fine. He’s…he’s…he’s a really good kisser,” I say blushing profusely.

“Did not need to know that.”

I suppress another laugh. “I told him I was ready to come out and we kissed again and then I was going back inside…to find Mia.” She nods. “But Mia was already leaving… with Andrew…”

Pliar swallows. “He told her?”

I shake my head. “I thought so, too, but it’s worse than that.” Her eyes go wide as she realizes what I’m about to say. “Mia saw me and Benji kissing. She must have come looking for me. She’s rightfully pissed. She doesn’t want to talk to me. Which I… I mean I understand… but it still hurts. I was going to tell her. Honestly I was…”

Pilar shakes her head. “You’re stupid, hemano.”

I close my eyes and nod. “I know. Anyway, that’s when you found me.”

There’s a sudden crackling across the room. “Felix to Victor. Over.”

Pilar stares at my nightstand. “No, you don’t…You don’t actually USE that do you.” I nod and roll my eyes. “Okay. I’m out. Thanks… I mean. I’m still mad at you for hurting Mia… I really liked her.”

“She’s mad at _me_ , Pilar. You had no idea and nothing to do with it. She can’t be mad at you.”

Pilar shakes her head and leaves my room closing the door behind herself. I sigh and pick up the walkie-talkie. “Go for Victor. Over.”

“Dude… where’d you go? You won Spring Fling King and Queen and neither of you were there.”

“Oh. I…”

“Lake went up to accept for Mia and then she called me up with her and she… she told everyone. She told everyone about us and then… she kissed me.”

“Oh whoa. Sounds like you had quite the night, Buddy.”

“It was _amazing_. You have no idea.”

I almost laugh. “I’m glad. Listen, I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”

“Sure thing, buddy.” I set the walkie-talkie back down on the night stand and pull out my phone. I open Instagram. If there was ever a time I needed Simon, it was now. I type out the longest DM in all of history detailing the events of the day and press send.

I flop backwards against my pillows and sigh. I should sleep, but I’m not tired. I look at the time on my phone. It’s 12:06 AM. I bite my lip and then I send a text. _Are you still awake?_

_I am._

_Can I call you?_

Then my phone is ringing and I sort of laugh as I swipe to answer. “Hi,” I breathe.

“Hi.”

I take a deep breath. “I did it.”

“Did what?”

“I…told my parents.”

“Oh God, Victor, I’m so proud of you. How’d it go?”

I swallow. “Not great.”

He’s quiet for a couple seconds. “Do you want to talk about it?”

I breathe slowly. “Not… not really. I just…”

“It’s okay,” he says quickly. “You don’t have to. It’s okay.”

“Mia saw us.”

“What?”

“Mia saw us,” I repeat. “On the bench… kissing.”

“Oh... oh… I… I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. At all.” I sigh. “I should have told her sooner. I was going to…but things just kept happening for her at home and I didn’t want to make everything that much worse and now this. She doesn’t even want to talk to me.” I sigh again. “And…I should have told you earlier, but Andrew was in the bathroom.”

“What?”

“When we were talking. Andrew was in one of the stalls. He came out after you left.”

“Oh my god. I didn’t mean. I should have checked. I didn’t even think. I’m so sorry, Victor. I didn’t mean to...”

“Shh. It’s okay,” I say quietly. “Please stop apologizing. You didn’t do anything wrong. This is all on me.”

Suddenly there’s a knock on my door and I look up to find my mother standing there with her hands on her hips.

“Who are you talking to? It’s late.” She says.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “Benji.”

Her eyes fill with what looks like panic, but must be anger. “Hang up. Now. We’ll talk in the morning.”

She doesn’t move. “Okay,” I say quietly.

“Now. I’m not leaving until you hang up.”

I swallow. “Did you? Did you hear that?” I ask quietly into the phone.

“Yes. I’ll talk to you later, okay? It’s going to be okay, Victor. I promise.”

I bite my lip. “Thanks,” I whisper. I feel tears pooling in the corners of my eyes as I pull the phone away. “Goodnight.” I end the call and set my phone on the nightstand.

“No. Give me the phone,” my mother says, holding out her hand. I still can't quite read her face.

“What?”

“Give me your phone.”

“Why?”

“Give it to me.”

I swallow and pick my phone back up as I stand up and walk toward her outstretched hand. “It…it needs charged,” I say quietly as I drop it into her hand.

She nods. “Turn it off,” she says stilling holding her hand out. I pick it up again and notice a notification for a reply from Simon as I hold the power button down and turn the phone off. I drop the turned off phone back into her hand. “Thank you,” she says. “Now sleep and we’ll talk in the morning.”

There is no way I’m going to be able to sleep. Especially not after that. I sigh and flop face first into my pillow. I want to know what Simon said. Then I remember my laptop is still here. I sit back up and walk over to my desk, unplugging my laptop and bringing it back to my bed. I sit cross-legged and open the device before turning it on.

I click my way to Instagram and open Simon’s message.

> _Dear Victor,_
> 
> _I am so proud of you Victor. Telling your parents is scary, especially when you don’t know how they’re going to react. It’s going to be okay. They love you. They’ll come around, and if they don’t, you always have us. Remember that, okay?_
> 
> _Now, tell me more about this kiss with Benji. That seems to be the highlight of the night for sure. What happened exactly?_
> 
> _Also, Justin is insisting I tell you, “Get it, GURRRRL.”_
> 
> _Love, Simon_

I bite my lip as I contemplate my reply.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated T/M
> 
> TW: Homophobia

I never do get to sleep. I just spend the night tossing and turning in my bed. Finally, I notice sunlight creeping through my window and sigh as I stretch. I have no idea what time it is without my phone, so I sit up on the side of my bed and listen. It doesn’t sound like anyone else is awake.

I get dressed and crack my door open. The other three doors are still closed. I sigh with relief and head to the bathroom quickly and then the kitchen. I immediately start pulling everything out to make pancakes. Pancakes solve everything.

Just as I’m pouring the first of the batter into the skillet, I hear footsteps in the hallway and turn just in time to see my father enter the doorway. I bite my lip and try to smile at him. He doesn’t smile back. “Why are you awake?”

“I…I haven’t slept. I’m making pancakes.”

He grunts but doesn’t say anything. He turns to leave and a few seconds later I hear the TV turn on in the living room and then a Spanish-language soccer broadcast starting. I sigh and go back to my pancakes. I’m putting the platter of pancakes on the table when my mom enters the kitchen.

“You didn’t have to do that, mijo.”

“It’s okay. I wanted to,” I lie.

She doesn’t respond and walks into the living room.

I sink into a chair at the table and pull a couple pancakes onto a plate with a sigh and start eating. A few minutes later Adrian comes running in and looks at me. “PANCAKES!” he shouts and climbs into his chair and starts pulling some onto his plate. I laugh.

“Careful, Buddy. Take a couple and eat those first, okay?”

He nods and sits back to start eating as Pilar emerges; she stops in the doorway and I look up at her. “I made pancakes,” I offer.

“Thanks,” she says with a little half-smile as she sits down next to Adrian. “You work today?” she asks after taking a bite.

I nod. “Later.” My parents walk in at that moment and take their seats without a word. Breakfast is silent. Maybe pancakes don’t fix everything. Adrian keeps looking at us, like he’s trying to will someone to speak, but no one does.

I’m clearing the table and starting to wash the dishes when my mom finally does. “Pilar, mi amor, wash the dishes. Victor, living room, now.”

I set the plate I’m holding in the sink and turn around. Pilar is already next to me. She squeezes my forearm and gives me a look that I know means she’s scared for what’s about to happen. I bite my lip and nod once to her before following my parents into the living room.

“Can I watch cartoons?” Adrian says, following us into the living room.

“Not right now, mijo. Can you go play in your room for a little bit, please?”

He squints at her, but when she doesn’t say anything else, he just tilts his head and says, “Okay” before disappearing down the hall.

“Sit,” my mom says, pointing to the armchair as she and my dad sit on the couch and turn toward me. I swallow and nod as I drop into the chair. She clears her throat. “Your father and I have been discussing what you said last evening.” I blink at her. “And what happened last night.” I tilt my head at her, not understanding. “We will be blocking Benji’s number from your phone before you can have it back. We don’t want you talking to him anymore.”

“Mom, you can’t…”

“We can and we will. Now, do you work today?”

I nod. “I told you…he doesn’t work there anymore.”

“I know,” she says. “And that’s fine. You will go to work and come straight home. No pit stops. And then tomorrow morning, you are coming to church with me and we are going to talk to Father Gonzalez about this.”

“What? No, I…I…”

“That was not a question, Victor,” she says sternly. “You will also bring your laptop out of your room. It will be locked in our bedroom when we are not home and you may only use it for school work when we are home. When you get your phone back, everything other than texting and calling will be disabled; your father is going to the store later today to make sure it is done properly. Your phone will be turned in before you go to bed and you will get it back each morning.”

“You can’t…”

“We can and will, Victor. This is not a negotiation,” my mother says. She glances to my father.

“You will only leave this apartment for school, work, and basketball. Nothing else. You will not be left alone with Adrian at any time.”

“Dad, I…what?”

“Victor, you heard your father.”

“I can’t…you can’t…what?”

“This is not a negotiation,” my mother repeats. “Go and get your laptop. Now.”

I stare at her. “No.”

“What did you just say?”

“No,” I say again, louder.

“You can’t say 'no' to us. Go get the laptop. Now.”

“I won’t.”

“You better listen to your mother, boy.”

I stare at my dad. “I won’t do that. I’m sorry, but no. I won’t. You can’t…you can’t just cut me off from my friends.”

“We can and we will. Go get the laptop. NOW!”

“Give me my phone back.”

My parents stare at me. “Absolutely not,” my father says. “After your mother caught you…talking to…to _him_ …at 12 whatever at night. No, Victor. Go get the laptop.”

“He has a name,” I say. “His name is Benji and he’s…he’s my friend. I won’t. You can’t do this.”

“Go get the laptop or I will,” my father says.

I swallow and get to my feet. “Listen, I know you’re mad or whatever. I know you don’t _approve_. But you don’t get to make that choice; honestly it's not even a _choice_ at all. I am gay. This is _my_ life and I'm tired of pretending I'm not gay. I tried to choose being straight, but it didn't work, because I can't change who I am. I am gay and that's just how it is." I bite my lip and wait for their reply.

“Victor, you don’t know what you’re talking about," my dad says slowly.

“I do. I do know what I’m talking about and that’s your whole problem, isn’t it? You’re scared. You’re scared because you know it’s true. You’re scared because…”

“I am NOT _scared_ of anything!" he says loudly. "You go get that laptop or you get out of this house and don’t come back. Your choice,” my father says finally.

“Mando, no,” my mother says quietly. She looks at him with pleading eyes. "We shouldn't..."

“Isa, I can’t...I can’t live with _that_ in my house. You know that. I won’t.”

My mom swallows. “Victor, please? Please just get the laptop.”

“I’m leaving,” I say finally. I go into my room and throw as many clothes as will fit into my suitcase and then put my laptop on top with the charger. I swallow hard as I look around and then I see the drawing Benji gave me for my birthday and it’s the first time I feel like smiling all day. I grab it and shove it into my backpack which I throw over my shoulders as I grab my suitcase handle. By the time I’m back in the hallway, Pilar is standing at her bedroom doorway.

“Where…where are you going?”

“I don’t know yet,” I say quietly. “I’ll…I’ll see you at school.”

“Victor, no,” she says quietly. “You can’t…”

“I have to,” I say and then I turn toward the door.

My parents are still sitting in the living room when I get to the front door. Only my mom glances up at me. Her eyes are sad as she turns back to my father with a pleading look on her face, but his face is made of stone; fires of rage burn in his eyes. I suddenly don't even want him to look at me, so I open the door. Once I’m in the hallway, I close the door behind myself and swallow hard. I don’t even know what time it is, but I know I probably have to get to work. I look at the stairs and then I think of something. I go up instead of down.

I knock on Felix’s door. I’ve never been inside his apartment before which I just now realize with a strange feeling. He opens the door a minute later. “What are you doing here?” He asks. He steps into the hallway and closes the door behind himself before I can even look inside.

“My…my parents…they…they kicked me out.”

“What?”

“I told them…” I say quietly. “About…I told them…I’m…I’m gay and they said I had to give them my laptop…They still have my phone. My dad said if I didn’t give him the laptop I could just leave and not come back…so…so I left.”

“Victor,” he says quietly and then he throws his arms around me without warning and it must shake the tears free because now I’m crying. I’m just sobbing into Felix’s shoulder. After I finally stop crying, Felix steps back, keeping his hands on my shoulders. “Where…where are you going to go?”

“I don’t know, but I have to go to work soon.”

“Call off.”

“No phone, remember?”

“Right. Um. Here, give me the suitcase for now. I’ll put it in my room and then when you figure it out…you can…you can come get it.”

I bite my lip and swallow. “Do you…do you know what time it is? I’m sort of lost without my phone,” I say quietly.

“Oh, yeah, of course.” He pulls his phone out of his pocket and checks. “2:03.”

“Mierda. I’m late. I’ll be back to get that bag, I guess. Thanks.”

Felix nods and I run down the stairs. I don’t stop running until I’m walking through the front door of Brasstown. I come to an immediate stop when I see _Benji_ behind the counter. I blink a couple times to make sure I’m not going crazy and then Sarah comes out of the back room. “Victor, you’re late. Let’s go.”

I shake my head and walk slowly toward the counter. “What are you doing here?” I whisper as I pass Benji.

He smiles at me. “Well, hello to you, too.”

“Sorry, sorry. It’s not that I’m not extremely happy to see you. I just…I thought you transferred?”

He smirks. “I transferred back. Well, more like Sarah called and yelled at me until I agreed to come in today.”

I half-smile before ducking into the backroom to drop my backpack and tie on my apron. When I get back out front, Benji is making a latte and no one’s in line. He looks up and smiles at me. “Why didn’t you text me back?” he says quietly.

“What?”

“Last night…or well, this morning…you didn’t respond…”

“Oh, uh,” I start to say, but the doorbell dings and I slip to the register to take the customer’s order. By the time I’m done taking the order, Benji is staring at me with an expression I can’t quite place.

“So, what happened?” he asks again.

I swallow. “My mom took my phone.”

“Oh,” he says quietly. “What did you…why?”

I blink at him. “Can we…can we talk about this later?”

He squints his eyes and tilts his head, but nods.

A little while later, Sarah comes out of the back room. “Okay, boys, I need to go. You’ll be alright closing?”

I nod and glance at Benji who is also nodding. She smiles. “Thank you.” She turns to Benji and puts a hand on his shoulder. “Thank you for coming back. I have no idea what we were going to do without you, you know.”

I smirk at him over her shoulder and I watch him bite back a chuckle as he nods. “No problem. Honestly, the other store isn’t as nice.”

“Glad to hear it. I’ll see you both Monday afternoon, yes?”

I glance at Benji and he’s nodding and smiling. “Yeah, see you then, Sarah,” I say quickly and then she’s off.

“Want to take your break?” Benji asks once she’s gone.

I glance at the clock on the wall. “Yeah, sure.”

I slip into the backroom and take off my apron. I reach into my pocket and then it dawns on me that I don’t have my phone. I sigh and flop into one of the chairs in our small breakroom. _I should have brought my laptop._ I glance around and see my backpack. My iPad should still be in there from school. I zip it open and sure enough. I pull it out and open Instagram.

> _Dear Victor,_
> 
> _Did you get your phone back? Is everything okay? I’m sure they’ll come around eventually, you know. Justin said you can message him whenever you have a minute if you want to talk. I’m glad you talked to Pilar…and Benji._
> 
> _We’re all here for you if you need anything. Let us know._
> 
> _Love, Simon_

I sigh and glance at the clock. I only have 2 minutes left of my break. That’s not enough time to get into this and I really don’t feel like walking back out there after that anyway, so I close out of Instagram. I open Facebook and realize Mia has already changed her relationship status, so…that’s going to be fun. I quickly set mine to single and block it from showing up on my timeline and profile. I don’t need to deal with that right now. I close the app and turn off my iPad before slipping it back into my backpack and putting my apron back on.

As I’m walking back toward the front, I hear noises in the store room so I poke my head in. Benji is up on a stool trying to get something from the top shelf. “Let me,” I say, putting a hand on his shoulder. He jumps and starts to fall; I wrap my arms around him before he gets too far. “Careful,” I say as I get him back on his feet.

His cheeks are burning red. “Thanks,” he mumbles. I almost laugh and grab what he was reaching for from the shelf and hand it to him. He mumbles, “thanks,” again and then gives me a look I don’t quite understand before leaving the room. I blink and stare after him trying to understand what’s happening.

Benji takes his break once I get back to the front and I’m grateful that it’s busy for the whole 15 minutes he’s gone. What I don’t need today is more time alone with my thoughts. When he comes back, I’m finishing up the last drink from the rush. He touches my arm lightly as he passes but says nothing.

The last few hours until closing pass without anymore problems. Benji is quiet, but we’re still working well together just like we always have. I keep catching him looking at me with this weird expression I don’t understand but I decided to stop thinking about it after the second time. At 9 o’clock after the last customer has left Benji locks the front door and flips the sign to closed. “Guess we better clean up,” I say as I head to the back room to get the cleaning supplies.

Before I can even pick up the bucket and sponge, his hand is on my forearm. “Hey,” he says quietly. I glance up at him and try to smile. “Victor, talk to me. What’s wrong? What happened?”

I close my eyes tightly. I can’t put this off forever. I take a deep breath and that must trigger something because suddenly I’m crying again. Benji’s arms are suddenly around me and pulling my head toward his shoulder. “Shhh, shhhh, shhh,” he hums quietly. “It’s okay. I promise, it’s okay. Whatever it is we’ll figure it out, okay? Just shhh.”

Eventually I manage to pull myself together and step back from him. He gives me a faint smile. “Now what’s going on?” he asks again.

“Can…can we sit?” I ask slowly.

He nods. “Okay, come here,” he says and grabs my hand in his, leading me back to the front. He pulls out a chair at the closest table and gestures before sitting in the one opposite. “You can talk to me, Victor. What is it?”

I sit in the chair and put my face in my hands. “They…they kicked me out.”

“What?” he says. It’s almost a whisper. I glance up at him and he’s staring at me with his mouth open.

I close my eyes. “Okay, actually I left, but…they didn’t give me another option.”

“What…what happened?”

"Do you want the details or the big picture?" I ask.

"Uh, let's start with the big picture and we can talk about everything later?" he suggests.

I nod. "After my mom took my phone, I didn't sleep. I got up early and made pancakes for everyone, because my pancakes have been known to solve all manner of family conflicts, so I figured it couldn't hurt. Well, we finally found the one they can't solve." He gives me a sad look, but doesn't say anything. "After breakfast, which was uncomfortably quiet, my parents sat me down in the living room. They said I can't have my phone back until they block your number _and_..."

"Wait, what?"

"I didn't tell you the part where they blamed you for this, did I?" I say with a huge sigh.

"You most certainly did not," he confirms.

"Last night my dad said something along the lines of 'you've been spending too much time with those friends of yours' and clarified he meant you and Derek," I say, cringing at Derek's name. "I immediately corrected him that only you are my friend. That didn't make a difference. He told me I had two weeks to find a new job, but I told him you didn't work here anymore, because at that point I didn't think you did."

"This did _just_ happen this morning. Megan called out and she didn't want to leave you all alone all night. Once I got here I asked her to reverse my transfer request. The other store had barely scheduled me at all anyway."

I try to smile at him, but it must not show because he's still looking at me with sad eyes. "I'm glad you're back," I say quietly. He reaches out and touches my hand on the table for a moment. "Anyway. They asked when and why you transferred."

He bites his lip. "What did you tell them?"

"The truth." His eyes go wide. I nod. "My dad asked 'why' and I said 'because I kissed him.' I regretted it as soon as it was out of my mouth, but here we are. I tried to explain that I didn't actually mean for it to happen and Pilar was just staring at me dumbfounded even though she _did_ already know that happened because she found that letter."

"How did that even happen anyway?"

"She asked me something when I was in the shower Friday morning. I think she must have taken no answer as a yes and went digging in my backpack for something." He makes a face and I would have laughed if my body would have allowed it. "Anyway. Then my mom caught me on the phone with you last night."

"Why did you tell her it was me?"

"I don't know," I confess. "I guess I'm just really tired of lying and pretending. It's exhausting."

"I know what you mean. See also getting drunk and driving into Wendy's."

"Anyway, she took my phone and then this morning they dropped that bombshell that they were going to block your number before I could have it back _and_ they said I'd only be able to text and call, plus I'd have to 'turn my phone in' before bed and not get it back until the morning."

"What the hell?"

"Right? Anyway. The next demand was that my laptop had to live in the living room or kitchen. I wasn't allowed to take it into my room and it could only be used for school work and only when they were home. I guess they completely forgot about the iPad and I actually did too until I was on break earlier. But anyway. All that was bad enough, but my mom said I had to go to church with her tomorrow so we could 'talk to Father Gonzalez about this.'"

"Shit. I didn't realize your parents were religious."

"Very," I say, nodding. "It's why I was so scared to come out. Well that and you heard my grandfather. I'm really really really sorry about that, by the way. I wish I would have said more. It..."

"Victor," he says reaching across the table for my hand. "Don't beat yourself up over that. It's okay. You were scared and it seems like you had good reason to be."

I swallow and nod. "Eventually my dad told me that if I didn't hand over my laptop immediately I could 'get out of [that] house and never come back' so that's what I'm doing, I guess. I can't live like that. I can't." Then I'm crying again.

“Do you have somewhere to go?” he asks with his hand still on mine. I shake my head and he squeezes my hand. “Come here,” he says getting up and opening his arms toward me. I collapse into his embrace, wrapping my arms around his shoulders.

“Do you have anyone you can call?”

I shake my head. “Not really. I don’t have my phone anyway.”

“Right, okay, first thing we’re doing is getting you to Target so you can buy a cheap phone.” I tilt my head. “The pay-as-you-go ones. You don’t have to be 18 to buy one of those. Come on, I’ll drive.”

“But your license.”

He smirks. “My suspension actually ended on Friday morning.”

“OH! Congrats, I guess.”

He smiles a little, “Thanks.”

“Wait,” I say as we’re almost to front door. “We still need to clean up.”

“Shit, okay, yeah,” he says and turns back around.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated T

20 minutes later, we’re actually leaving Brasstown. Benji walks over to a beat-up car at the edge of the parking lot and opens the passenger door. He gestures for me to get. “Is this yours?” I ask as I approach.

He nods. “That’s why I work so much. My parents said that if I wanted to drive again when my license was re-instated, it wasn’t going to be their cars. So, I bought this cheap and have to keep my own insurance."

I half smile at him as I sit down or at least I try to. Then before I realize what’s happening, he leans down and kisses me. I freeze and he pulls away. “Sorry…I…”

“Don’t you dare,” I say, grabbing the front of his shirt in my fist and pulling him back. I kiss him again, roughly and he kisses me back. I don’t know how long we’re there like that, with him precariously leaning into the car, but it’s not long enough when he finally pulls away.

“As much as I would love to just kiss you in this parking lot all night. We need to get to Target before it closes and…that was starting to hurt my back.”

I bite my lip and laugh a little. “Sorry.”

“No way. You are not apologizing.”

I actually laugh this time and he smiles at me before closing my door and going around to the driver’s side. “Target,” he says as he backs out of the parking space. “Have you…have you thought of anywhere you could go?”

I shake my head. “I don’t really know anyone in Atlanta,” I remind him.

He nods. “We’ll figure it out,” he says quietly and reaches for my hand. I let him twine our fingers together as he drives. He squeezes my hand a minute later and extracts his, glancing at me. “I shouldn’t be driving one handed.”

I nod and flex my fingers before pulling my iPad out of the bag at my feet.

"What are you doing with that?"

“I can’t do much without Wi-Fi, but I want to draft a message,” I say.

“Target has Wi-Fi,” he says.

“I know. That's why I want to draft the message before we get there.”

“Message?”

“Instagram DM,” I clarify.

“To who?”

“Uh, Simon Spier.”

“Wait,” he says suddenly, turning to look at me as he stops at a red light. “How do you know Spier? He’s like Creekwood's gay royalty.”

“On my first day, Ms. Albright told me about him and after the mess that was that day, I went home and sent him a really angry DM. Did I ever tell you, I was originally going to come out as soon as we got here? I thought a fresh start where no one had any preconceived notions about me would be nice." 

"What happened?"

"That's...that's a weird story." He tilts his head and looks at me. I sigh. "Remember when Felix and I ran into you in the hallway that day?"

He nods. "That's the first time I saw you, of course I remember that."

I don't know what to say to that, so I just continue my story. "After you walked away, Felix told me you were gay and then he said to not hang out with you because everyone might get the wrong idea."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Then we ran into Mia and according to Felix, she clearly liked me and he kept telling me I should ask her out."

"So, Felix is what happened."

"Kind of," I say, quietly. "When we were at the carnival, I thought for a minute about asking you to ride the ferris wheel."

"You did?" he asks, biting his lip.

I nod. "But then Felix told me to ask Mia and I did. The rest is sort of history at this point."

"I wish you would have asked me."

"Would you have gone?"

"In a heartbeat."

"But Derek," I say, cringing at his name again.

"I still would have gone," he says putting his hand briefly on my leg which completely derails my train of thought. "Anyway, what happened with Spier. You sent him an angry DM and then what? Are you just in an ongoing heckle war?"

"No, actually. He was...really nice. We've been talking since then. I...I actually snuck to New York to visit him once."

"You what?"

"I lied to everyone and went to New York for a weekend."

"Wait...the 'boys trip' thing?" I nod. "Why did you go?"

I swallow. "Because I kissed you. Which seems to be the reason for a lot of things today. But, when I kissed you...I just realized I couldn't do it anymore. Sure, I liked kissing Mia, it was fine, but when I kissed you it was so much more than that," I say blushing.

Benji smirks at me. "Same."

"What?"

"I don't just like kissing you. It is _so_ much more than that."

Now I'm blushing even more and he's pulling into the Target parking lot. “Anyway, Simon's my self-proclaimed ‘gay sherpa’, so I need to see if he has any advice, because I'm honestly pretty lost. I messaged him last night from my laptop after my mom took my phone.”

Benji parks in front of Target and looks at me. I look up and smile at him. “Let me see if I can connect to the Wi-Fi from here,” I say quickly. He nods. I do manage to get on the Wi-Fi and send a quick message to Simon trying to explain in as few words as possible what happened that morning and that I'm about to go into Target to get a new phone, so I won't respond right away. I shove my iPad back into my backpack and grab my wallet. “Alright, let’s do this," I say, looking at Benji.

He reaches across the console and grabs my hand for a second. He smiles at me and I smile back. I think I might actually be smiling now. I think telling him everything must have helped my brain and body remember how to function at least a little bit. He gets out of the car and I do too. He waits until I’m beside him to lock the car and then we start walking toward the entrance. Trying not to think too hard about what I’m doing, I reach out and grab his hand. He stops for a second and smiles at me, but doesn’t say anything.

“I…” I say as I start to pull my hand away.

“Shh,” he says, grasping my hand tighter. “If you’re okay with this, then yes, please.”

I smile at him. “I mean, yes, obviously. I…”

“Shh,” he says. He pulls our hands to his lips and kisses the back of mine and then we keep walking into the store.

He leads me to the electronics section and I just try not to focus on the people staring at us. I find a cheap Android phone with a cheap plan rate and pay for it; then, we head back to the car. “I think I need Wi-Fi to activate it,” I say. “Can we just stay here a minute?”

“Of course,” he says as he leans across the console to kiss my cheek. I turn to smile at him briefly. “Go on then,” he says waving toward we.

I pull the phone out of the box and manage to set it up pretty quickly. I use the Wi-Fi to start downloading various apps. “Okay, so,” I say looking up at Benji. “I’m going to just check if Simon’s replied,” I say, pulling my iPad back out. I go to Instagram.

> Victor, oh God, I’m so sorry. I’m so so so so sorry. I…okay, when you get that new phone call me right away and we’ll figure something out.

And below that is Simon’s phone number. I pick up my phone.

“What are you doing?” Benji asks.

“Simon said to call him when I get the new phone.”

Benji’s eyes go wide as I start dialing.

“Hello?”

“Simon, hey, it’s…it’s Victor,” I say.

“Victor, okay, okay. Bram’s here, too. I’m going to put you on speaker, okay?”

“That’s fine.”

“Hey Victor,” Bram’s voice says. “Are you okay? Where are you right now?”

“I’m…yeah, I mean, I’m physically fine. I’m…I’m in Benji’s car outside Target actually.”

“Wait, is he with you?”

I bite my lip. “He is.”

“Put it on speaker. Right now,” Simon says suddenly.

“So demanding,” I joke pulling the phone away from my ear. Benji’s looking at me. I roll my eyes. “Simon is demanding I put them on speaker.”

“Them?”

“Uh, Simon and Bram. Okay,” I say as I flip the phone call to speaker phone. “You’re on speaker, go.”

“Hi, Benji!!!” Simon says excitedly.

Benji gives me a look. “Uh…hi…” he says quietly.

“Victor’s told me all about you, of course. Thank you so much for being with him tonight. That’s super great of you,” he says.

I look at Benji and he’s blushing hard. It makes me giggle. He’s giving me a look I don’t quite understand.

“Victor, you don’t have anywhere to go, right?”

“Correct.”

“Where’re your things?”

“Uh, I left my suitcase at Felix’s and have my backpack. That’s all I have.”

They go silent for a second. Benji and I just look at each other. “And there’s no one you feel comfortable asking, right?”

“I mean. I kind of assumed Felix was just going to invite me in, but he didn’t…and I realized that I’ve actually never been inside his apartment…or met his mom…which is weird, because he was at…at my apartment all the time. But he closed the door so quick I didn’t even see inside and then he waited until I was leaving to take the suitcase inside. It’s like…it’s like he’s hiding something…”

“Weird, but that’s a problem for another day. Right now, we need to figure out where you’re sleeping tonight,” Simon says and then they’re quiet again. I can hear them whispering to each other, but I have no idea what they’re saying. Benji and I look at each other again.

“How would you feel about me calling my parents?” Simon says.

“What?”

“My parents are still in Shady Creek. You could probably stay there. At least for now. If you’re okay with that.”

“Your…parents.” I repeat.

“If you’re uncomfortable with that…” he starts to say.

“No, no. I just. Yeah, call them. I… I would rather that than nothing, right?”

“Bram, can you get my mom on the phone? I want to stay on with Victor.”

“Yeah, of course,” Bram says and I can hear him walking away a little.

“Benji?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“Can you take Victor to get his bag from Felix’s?”

“Of course,” Benji says.

“Good. Go on and do that now. I’m sure my mom will be fine with it, so just go get that and I’ll tell you how to get to the house.”

“Okay,” Benji says. He looks at me for a second and half-smiles. I try to smile back, but I don’t think I actually manage because he gives me a sad look before he turns to start the car.

In the background I can hear Bram talking to Simon’s mom. “Hi,” he says quietly. “Uh, Simon asked me to call you.” There’s a pause, waiting for her reply. “No, no. We’re fine, Mrs. Spier, er, Emily. We’re safe and sound, no worries. We have a favor to ask though.”

“Bram, let me talk to her, you talk to Victor.”

I can hear the phones changing hands and then Bram’s talking to me. “You’re going to get your things?”

“Just my suitcase from Felix’s. I can’t…I don’t want…”

“I understand. It’s not worth it right now. Get your suitcase from Felix and then we’ll give you directions to Simon’s parents’ house. His sister still lives with them, so we’re not going to just throw you to the wolves, promise.”

“His sister?” I ask.

“Yeah, Nora. She just graduated from Creekwood last year. She’s in culinary school, but she commutes from home.”

I glance at Benji. His hands are gripping the wheel so tight I’m afraid it might break and he’s staring straight ahead at the road. I reach out and touch his shoulder. “Hey, hey,” I say trying to sound soothing. He glances at me. “You’re holding that wheel awfully tight. Are you okay?” He nods without speaking. “Benji, please, relax.”

“I…” he starts to say.

“Benji, can you hear me?” Bram says from my phone.

Benji nods without speaking. “Benji?”

“He’s nodding, Bram,” I say quietly. I lift the phone so it’s closer to Benji.

“Be careful, okay. Don’t get too worked up. We’re going to make sure Victor’s safe, okay?”

Benji nods again as he stops at a sign. “I know,” he finally says.

“Good,” Bram says. “Just remember to breathe, okay?”

Benji swallows so hard I can hear it. I’m still staring at him. He’s still staring at the road. “I am,” he says flatly.

I reach out to touch his arm again. He doesn’t move. A few seconds later, he’s parking on the street in front of my apartment building.

“Okay, we’re here,” I say to the phone.

“I think Simon’s almost done with his mom,” Bram says.

“I am!” Simon says in the background. “I’ll be done before you get back to the car with your bag.”

“I’m going to leave the phone with Benji while I run up and get the bag from Felix.”

“No,” Benji says suddenly.

“What? It’ll just take a minute.”

“I’m coming with you.”

“You don’t have to. It’s only one bag.”

“I’m coming,” he says slowly and seriously, turning to look at me.

I blink at him. “Okay, I guess Benji’s coming with me, so we’ll bring you, too?” I say to the phone and open the door. Before I can even close the door behind me, Benji is right next to me, wrapping an arm around my back. I try to smile at him.

“I’m going to mute us so we don’t accidently bring attention to you,” Bram says and the phone falls silent. I squeeze my eyes shut and suddenly realize why everyone’s being so weird. I have to walk past my apartment to get to Felix’s.

I blink a couple times and pull the door to the building open. I walk up the first flight of stairs and stop in my tracks. Pilar is standing outside the door. “Hermano,” she breathes and runs to throw her arms around me.

“What are you doing out here?” I ask quietly, wrapping an arm around her.

She swallows. “Be quiet, okay? They're all sleeping. I…I saw you guys outside and I…”

I blink at her and nod. “Thanks.”

“Where are you going?”

“I left my bag at Felix’s…” I say quietly, gesturing to the stairs.

“No, I know that. I talked to him earlier. Where are you _going_?”

“I found a place. I’ll…I’ll explain in school on Monday, okay? I don’t want to risk…”

She nods. “I should go.” She slips out of my arm and back towards the door. “Be careful, hermano. Te quiero.”

“Yo tambien te quiero,” I repeat as she opens the door. I start up the next flight of stairs, Benji’s arm still around my back and the phone in my hand. When we get to Felix’s door, I knock as quietly as possible.

The door cracks open a second later and Felix’s eyes appear in the crack. “Oh! Victor!” he says louder than I’d like. He opens the door further and steps out before closing it immediately behind him.

“Hey, keep it down.”

“Sorry. I didn’t…”

“It’s okay. Can I get my bag?”

“Do you have somewhere to go?”

I nod. He glances at Benji and gives me a look. I know what he’s asking. "No,” I say. “I’m…I’m staying with Simon Spier’s parents.”

“Wait. WHAT?” he practically shouts.

“Felix, shut up,” I whisper, throwing my hand over his mouth. “I’ll explain on Monday, just get my bag, okay?”

“Wait, did you get a phone?” he says gesturing to the one I’m holding.

“Oh, yeah. Benji, did you bring that paper with the number with you?”

Benji digs into his pocket and pulls it out. “Yep.”

I take it and hand it to Felix. “Put it in your phone and text me so I know who you are. I’m on the phone at the minute.” He gives me a look and then stares at the phone. “It’s complicated, just do it and get my bag."

He pulls out his phone and puts the number in before handing the paper back to Benji who shoves it back in his pocket. Then, he goes back into the apartment, closing the door to leave us in the hallway. Benji looks at me in a way I can’t quite explain. I open my mouth to ask and he raises a finger to my lips. “Later,” he whispers. I nod once and reach my free hand up to the one touching my face. It looks like he’s trying to smile, when I lace my fingers through his. I try to smile back. He squeezes my hand once in his and then lets both of our hands drop back to our sides.

Felix is back a minute later with my suitcase. “Thank you,” I say as he steps back in front of the door.

“Don’t mention it,” he says. “Can I tell your sister? She’s worried about you…”

“I saw her already.”

“You did?”

I nod. “She saw us pull up and came out in the hallway. Everyone else is sleeping. That’s why we need to be quiet. I’ll…I’ll talk to you soon,” I say. “Whatever you do, do not let my parents get that phone number.”

Felix nods once. “You got it.”

“Thanks. We should go,” I say reaching for the suitcase handle.

Benji grabs my wrist. “I’ll get that.” He glances at Felix. “Thank you.”

Felix nods again. “No problem, man.”

Benji grabs the suitcase in his hand that isn’t around my back and turns us toward the stairs. “Let’s go.”

We quickly make our way downstairs. No one is in the hall this time and I thank whatever powers there may be for that. We make it back to Benji’s car and he puts a key in the trunk to open it. He lifts the suitcase in easily and then walks around to the driver’s door while I walk to the passenger’s side. Once we’re inside the car I clear my throat. “Bram? Simon? We’re back in the car.”

“Oh, thank God,” Simon’s voice comes a second later.

“Was that your sister?” Bram asks.

“It was.”

“Good,” they both say. Then Simon continues. “Okay, I know exactly where you are because my friend, Abby’s parents actually live in your complex. Small world. Anyway,” he says all this very quickly. “Benji?”

“Yeah,” he says from next to me.

“I want you to go out to Roswell Road and turn left. Then you’re going to make a right on Shady Creek Drive.”

“Got it,” Benji says as he starts the car. He backs out of his spot and pulls onto the road and then we’re leaving and I’m trying not to look back.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated T

10 minutes later, we park in front of Simon’s parents’ house. It’s a nice house. Not as big as Mia’s, but a lot nicer than anything my family could ever afford.

“Okay, I’m sure they’re literally standing at the front window anyway, so I’m going to let you go after I give you the following words of warning,” Simon says.

“Warning?”

“My parents can be…a bit much,” he says.

“You can say that again,” Bram says. They both laugh.

“General rules were always 10 o’clock curfew on school nights 12 on weekends unless prior permission is granted. Bedroom door open when any boys are in there with you. You’re going to have my old room which shares a wall with Nora’s so you have to use headphones after she goes to bed and no loud talking after that.”

“How much…how much did you tell them?” I ask.

“I told them a little about you and that your parents left you no choice but to leave after you came out. I also told that that Benji would be with you. My mom’s a child psychologist so she’s probably going to try to therapize you; tell her to stop if it makes you uncomfortable. My dad can be pretty awkward sometimes; just tell him if he’s out of line. Nora’s great though, just don’t tell her I said that,” he says with a little laugh.

“OH!” I say looking up. His parents are standing in the doorway of the house with a little dog behind them. “They’re already outside.”

“Perfect. I’m going to let you go then.”

“Thank you…for everything,” I say.

“It’s really no problem, Victor. Remember, you’re family now. We’ll all be here for you no matter what, okay?” Simon says. “You, too, Benji,” he adds.

“Get some sleep. We’ll talk tomorrow,” Bram finishes.

“Bye,” I say quietly. The line clicks dead a second later and I look at Benji. “Thank you,” I mumble at him.

He smiles and leans across the console to kiss me once. “I would do _anything_ for you Victor. You’ll always have me, promise.”

Once we’re out of the car, Benji opens the trunk and pulls out my suitcase; he insists of carrying it again and we walk toward where the Spiers are standing, waiting for us. “Hi,” I say when we get close.

“You must be Victor,” Simon’s mom says quietly and then she’s hugging me. “I’m so sorry you’re going through this, dear. You can stay here as long as you need, okay?”

I nod against her chest and then she releases me. “Thank you, Mrs. Spier.”

“Call me Emily,” she says with a smile, turning to Benji. “And you must be Benji. It’s so nice to meet you.” And then she hugs him, too.

Meanwhile, Simon’s dad is extending his hand. “You can call me Jack.”

“Thanks,” I say, shaking his hand.

“Alright, come on in,” Emily says stepping backwards and gesturing. I step inside after them and glance at Benji. “You’re welcome to stay and help him unpack if you’d like,” Emily says noting my glance. She checks her watch. “How about we say 12:30, just this once, okay?” We both look at each other and nod. “Nora’s already in bed, so please try to be mindful,” she says as she leads us up the stairs. “I’m going to let you get settled in up here and then tomorrow you can come down and just go right back the hall into the kitchen for breakfast and I’ll show you the rest of the house, okay?” I nod as she opens the door to the first bedroom on the right.

“Simon left you a bit of a mess. I’m sorry about that,” she says, flicking the light on and stepping back. I step into the room and my eyes are everywhere. There’re empty spots on the walls where he clearly removed some of his decorations to take to New York, but there’s still a few random books laying around and someone’s put clean sheets on the bed and folded a bunch of blankets at the bottom of it.

“It’s not like he knew,” I say quietly.

She nods. “The bathroom is the first door on the other side of the hall, okay?”

I nod. “Thank you.”

“It’s really no problem at all, sweetheart. Any friend of Simon’s is welcome here.” She glances at Benji. “12:30 then boys. We’ll let you unpack.”

She leaves the door open and turns back down the hall. Jack pokes his head. “Don’t know if Simon told you, family rule to leave the door open when you have guests.”

I nod. “He mentioned.”

“Good. Good. We’ll see you in the morning.”

They disappear down the hall and I hear a door open and close again and then running water. “Did they really just go to bed?” I say with a little laugh.

“They’ll probably come back to check at 12:30?” he says.

“Maybe,” I agree. “What time is it anyway?” I ask, pulling my new phone from my pocket. It’s only 11:16. “It’s not going to take more than an hour to ‘unpack’…”

“True,” he says with a smirk and then he’s kissing me and I lose the ability to think. We end up on the bed, tangled together with endless kisses. Then there’s someone clearing their throat in the doorway and my face feels like it’s on fire and Benji’s looks like it might be. I glance toward the door and see a girl I don’t recognize.

“Hi,” she says. “You must be Victor and Benji,” she says with a nod. I nod and see Benji nodding out of the corner of my eye. “Great. I’m Nora, Simon’s sister. My bed is right through that wall,” she says pointing to the wall behind the headboard. “So, if you could…keep it down. That’d be awesome.”

She doesn’t give us time to respond before she’s turning around and walking away. “Sorry,” I call after her. I can hear her laughing as a door closes. I look at Benji and bite my lip. “Oops.”

“Oops, in deed. Maybe you should actually get unpacked?”

I nod. “Probably, I guess.”

It only takes 5 minutes to get all of the clothes from my suitcase into Simon’s old dresser. I plug my laptop in on his desk and fish my iPad and its charger from my bag to plug in. Then I pull out the Target bag with my phone’s box out and extract that charger, too. Benji sits on the edge of the bed watching me as I do this until his phone starts buzzing. He pulls it out and his eyes go wide. “Oops again.”

“What?” I ask, but then I realize he’s answering a call and pressing his phone to his ear.

“Sorry, mom,” he says looking at me with a smirk. “No, I just realized the time. Uh, yeah, I’ll be home soon.” He bites back a laugh. “I’m really sorry. A lot of stuff happened today. I’ll explain when I get there, okay?” He pauses to wait for a response. “No, I most certainly am not. I don’t know why you would even ask that. I told you last night; we broke up.” I bite my lip; _did his mom think he was with Derek?_ “Uh, it’s complicated,” he says with a sigh. “Fine, okay, I’m with Victor from work, and I need to go. I’ll talk to you when I get home, okay?” He waits again and I smirk at him which causes him to stifle another laugh. “I’ll leave soon,” he says and I feel myself pouting. He actually laughs this time. “I really need to go, Mom. I’ll see you in a bit.” He finally ends the call and looks at me, laughing again. “I definitely completely forgot about my own curfew,” he says.

“Oops.”

“Yeah, so I guess I need to go before she actually freaks out.”

“Are you going to be in trouble?”

“Not sure. I’ve missed curfew before.”

“And?”

He shrugs. “They didn’t really do much. So, I think I’ll be okay.”

“What are you going to tell her?” I ask as he stands up and tries to fix his shirt.

“What do you want me to tell her? This is your story.”

I sigh. “I mean you already said you were with me.”

“Yeah, because she wouldn’t believe I wasn’t with Derek even though I told her I broke up with him.”

I bite my lip. “Hmm.”

“Yeah. I mean, every time I’ve missed curfew before it _has_ been because I was with him.”

“So, you find boyfriends distracting,” I say in jest and then I realize what I just said and my eyes go wide and I throw my hands over my face. “Oh God, I didn’t…”

“Shhhhhhhhh,” he says with a huge smile on his face. He wraps his arms around me. “So, I can tell her I was helping my extremely amazing new boyfriend through a personal crisis and I promise to pay more attention to the time next time?” he asks.

I feel my face burning again. “I mean…”

“Is that what you want, Victor? Please talk to me.”

“I mean…I guess?” He raises and eyebrow and I nod. "Yeah. Yeah, it is."

He smiles and kisses my cheek. “Good. Me, too.”

I kiss him again, but he pulls away. “Uh uh, none of that or I _will_ get in trouble and Simon’s mom will be mad, too. And his sister,” he says, glancing toward the wall.

“So, I’m going to go calm my mother down,” he says, “and then I’m going to text you and you better respond tonight.”

“I will. I promise,” I say glancing toward where my new phone is on the nightstand charging. “Thank you. I don’t know how I would have done all this without you.”

“Like I said earlier; I would do anything for you. You don’t have to thank me. I’ll talk to you later,” he says, raising his eyebrows slightly and I nod. He slips out of my arms and then blows a kiss as he’s walking out the door which makes me laugh. A few seconds later I hear the front door open and close and few seconds after that his car pulling away. I sigh and flop into the bed.

Then it all hits me again. Now that I don’t have the best distraction to ever exist in front of me. It all hits me and I’m crying. I bury my face in a pillow trying to drown the sounds of my sobs so I don’t bother Nora again. I don’t know how long I’m laying there, but when I finally look up again it’s still dark and the light is still on. I get up and close the door and turn the light off before fumbling my way back to the bed. I pick up my phone and see I already have a couple texts.

Felix texted at 11:45 and I must have still been kissing Benji because I definitely don’t remember that going off. _Everything okay? Just let me know when you’re there and safe, alright. Can I give Pilar this number?_

_I’m good, man. Sorry. Benji was here for awhile and then when he left, I broke down again. I don’t know. I guess I’m just a bit of a mess, which obviously makes sense, but it’s hard. And yeah, go ahead and tell her, but just make sure she knows not to give it to my parents. Not that I think she would, but you never know._

I sigh as I press send and open the influx of text messages from Benji. Most recently one that says _You promised to reply tonight_ and is followed by a crying emoji.

_I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. When you left…everything just hit me again and I was crying and I’m just now finally checking my phone. I didn’t mean to ignore you. I promise._

I press send and then I read the rest of his texts. He’s not in trouble. His mom is actually _happy_ that he found someone other than Derek and wants to meet me, so there’s that. He wants to see me tomorrow and honestly, I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to spend every waking second with him, but I also have to get some shit figured out. He replies and the conversation jumps back to the bottom, because this phone is cheap and not properly functional.

_It’s okay. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Which it sounds like you weren’t. I wish I could still be there to hold you. I really wish this wasn’t happening to you._

_Thanks. I wish you were still here, too._

_So, can I see you tomorrow?_

_Hopefully. I have to get a lot of stuff figured out though._

_I’ll help you._

_I’d like that._

_Good. Get some sleep and I’ll talk to you in the morning, okay?_

_Okay. Thank you again. You really are the most amazing person._

_No, I’m pretty sure that’s you. Goodnight. [kissy face emoji]_

_Goodnight. [kissy face emoji]_


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated T
> 
> TW: Mention of homophobia (not actually occurring at this time)
> 
> Retelling of the first 20 or so minutes of episode 1x1 from Victor's perspective.

When I wake up to sunlight streaming in on my face, I groan and roll over. I reach for my phone and then it hits me and I sit up and stare around the room. I try to focus on my breathing, I really don’t want to start crying again. I manage to calm myself down and pick up my phone. There’re a couple texts.

First from Felix: _Glad you’re good, man. How are Spier’s parents? Doesn’t he have a sister? Is she there?_

_Yes, he has a sister and yes, she’s here. I met her last night in a rather awkward situation which we will discuss at a later time. His parents are really nice._

Then from Pilar: _Felix gave me this number. Please let me know you’re okay. I miss you._

_You miss me? I am okay, though. I’ll explain everything at lunch tomorrow. I have to do a lot of things today, but I promise I’ll be okay. Don’t let this get you down and…make sure Adrian’s okay._

Then from Benji: _I hope you’re sleeping. I can’t seem to fall asleep. Call me when you wake up._

_I did actually sleep, which is weird, but I guess after not sleeping the night before my body just needed it. I’m sorry you couldn’t sleep; I hope you eventually got some sleep. I’ll call you in a little. I think I’m supposed to go have breakfast with Simon’s parents._

_[kissy-face emoji] Forgot about that. Call me after breakfast._

I sigh and stretch and then I find something to wear before opening the bedroom door and walking downstairs. I try to look around on my way back the short hall to the kitchen. When I get there Emily and Jack are both sitting at the table with cups of coffee and plates of bacon and eggs. “Good morning,” I say quietly.

Emily looks up and smiles at me. “Do you drink coffee?”

I nod.

“There’s k-cups under the Keurig on the counter,” she says, pointing. “Mugs are in the cupboard right above it.”

“Thanks,” I mumble. I go over and check their selection of k-cups and sigh when the darkest thing is a medium roast. It’ll have to do, maybe I’ll just stop by Brasstown later. It’s been a long time since I’ve used a Keurig, but I figure it out and soon slide into the bench at the table. I take a sip of the coffee and wrinkle my nose. It’s not great.

“Do you need cream or sugar?” Emily asks.

I shake my head. “No thanks.” I take another sip and sigh.

“I would ask if you’re alright, but…” Emily starts to say.

I blink and sigh again. “Yeah. I mean, I slept last night. That’s more than I can say for Friday night.”

“Oh, sweetie. If there’s anything at all we can do for you, please let us know.”

I sigh again. “I have a lot of figure out today…” I start to say, but then there’s footsteps in the hall and Nora appears.

“Nora!” Emily says looking up at her. “Uh, this is Simon’s friend, Victor,” she says gesturing to me.

“We’ve met,” Nora says as she drops into a chair. Emily raises an eyebrow at her daughter. “Just had to give those two the same talking to I had with Simon and Bram when they came home for Christmas,” she says with a laugh. I feel my cheeks burning. Nora looks at me. “Don’t look so embarrassed. They were in a much worse state when I talked to them,” she says with a wink. “Plus, it’s the weekend. I forgive you. Just don’t do that on a school night. I have to be on my game as soon as I get to school and I can’t do that if I don’t sleep.” She starts eating like that conversation was nothing at all. I swallow hard.

“Well, good,” Jack says. “Victor, I uh, wanted to ask you a few questions if that’s okay…”

I look at him and nod. “Sure.”

“Simon didn’t tell us a lot. I was just wondering if you could maybe fill us in on what exactly happened this weekend?”

I take a deep breath. “I don’t know what he told you…”

“Just that your parents didn’t leave you another choice but to leave when you came out to them. I’m sorry,” Jack says.

“That’s no way to treat anyone, especially not your own child,” Emily adds.

I try to laugh. “Yeah, I don’t know what I expected, honestly. That’s why it took so long. I knew this was in the realm of possibilities. I just didn’t want to believe it.”

“Are you parents…religious?” Jack asks.

I nod. “Catholic.”

Emily sighs and nods. “I was afraid of that.”

“So,” I say, “what did you want to know?”

“Well, what happened? What did they tell you?” Jack asks.

“You should probably know…I had a girlfriend.” I glance at them and they nod. “Her name’s Mia. She’s really sweet and nice and I _do_ really like her, but…not like that.”

Nora looks like she’s thinking. “Mia Brooks?” she asks.

I nod. “Do you know her?”

“Sort of. She was a freshman last year when I was a senior. She’s…like _really_ popular.”

I nod. “Yep, that’s her.”

“You dated her?” Nora confirms.

“Yeah.”

“But you’re…”

“Gay?” I ask. She nods. “I am. I shouldn’t have, but I did. It’s kind of a long story,” I say glancing toward her parents.

“We have all day,” Emily says gently. "Why don't you eat something and tell us about it, okay?

I sigh, “Okay, let’s go back to January,” I say. I start pulling food onto my plate as I continue talking. “We’ll start at the beginning.” They all nod. “When we moved here. I didn’t know at the time, why exactly we were moving here. My parents just told us that my dad got a new job and we had to move to Atlanta. I’d lived in Texas my whole life; I didn’t know anything else. But I tried to think of it as an opportunity. I was actually planning to come out as soon as we moved here because no one would know me and it’s just felt like a good place for a fresh start…”

Nora tilts her head. “But you didn’t.”

I shake my head. “I didn’t. I met Felix, literally a minute after my dad parked the car. He lives in the same building…”

“Felix…” Nora says thinking again. “Lone Stone?” she asks.

“Uh, yeah, him. Anyway, Felix, was… _is_ super cool. He sort of took me under his wing and we walked to school together on my first day. He asked me what my first class was and I said I was supposed to meet with the Vice Principal. I was asking about said Vice Principal when she showed up.”

“She…” Nora says slowly. “Oh. RIGHT! I forgot about Ms. Albright's little promotion. She’s great, isn’t she?”

“Uh, yeah. Fantastic,” I say, trying to be sincere, but failing miserably. “Anyway, She showed me to my locker and asked me if I’d made any friends. I told her just Felix and she…she didn’t seem impressed? She told me the Winter Carnival was that night and that I should go because ‘maybe [I’d] meet my crew there.’ I guess I didn’t sound excited enough for her, so she…she told me about Simon and Bram.”

Nora laughs. “She loves them. She asked me about them literally every day after they graduated. I mean she has a framed picture of them on that Ferris Wheel on her desk.”

“Anyway, she walked away, leaving me at my locker with a folder of information and Lake was immediately trying to take my picture.”

“Lake…Meriwether? Mom’s on the news?” Nora asks.

I nod. “That one. She’s big on the whole Creek Secrets thing.”

Nora rolls her eyes. “Most people are. It’s so lame. Especially after what happened…”

I tilt my head and look at her. “What do you mean?”

“Simon didn’t tell you?”

“You mean his declaration of love and…”

She shakes her head. “He didn’t tell you. Well…it’s not my place…maybe ask him about it. There was a Creek Secrets post before he went all lovesick puppy on Bram.”

I squint at her but continue my story. “Mia saved me from Lake’s invasive questioning. She and Lake are…like best friends, I guess? Anyway, I eventually told Lake that was in fact no girl back in Texas and then Lake pulled Mia away after we were awkwardly flirting? Or I guess she was flirting and I was just being weird, but whatever. Felix walked over as soon as they walked away and made a huge deal out of it because apparently Mia doesn’t date and is the ‘hottest girl in our class’.” I roll my eyes.

“She is really pretty,” Nora agrees.

Anyway, we walked over to the gym, because I have P.E. first period and Felix was yammering on about something and then…Benji walked by.” I can feel myself blushing, but I don’t look up.

Nora laughs. “You have it bad, don’t you?”

I feel myself blushing. “I…I mean…” They’re all laughing. “So, when Benji was walking by, Felix said hi to him and he was the first person I’d heard call Felix, Felix all day. He uh…complimented my shoes…It was awkward and I was trying not to look at him because…I just. Wow.”

They all laugh again. “You’re a mess, kid,” Nora says. And I can feel my cheeks getting hot as I try not to look at them.

“It’s okay,” Emily says. “From what I’ve heard, Bram was the same way about Simon when he first moved here.”

“What?” I ask looking at her.

“Oh! Uh…Bram was a new kid, too, once upon a time. He and his mom moved here from Savannah right before their freshman year of high school. He apparently had a crush on Simon the whole time,” she explains.

“But…didn’t he have a girlfriend?”

“Didn’t you?” she asks.

“Oh. Right.”

“So, you met Benji and fell madly in love within a few seconds. Then what?”

“The bell rang. The first words out of Felix’s were ‘Benji’s chill and also, he’s gay.' He rambled about how he didn’t care, but told me I didn’t want people to get the ‘wrong idea’.”

“I thought we liked Felix,” Jack says, confused.

“We do.”

“But?”

I laugh. “He didn’t know. Once he did, he was totally cool with it…he was actually the first person I really came out to. But that didn’t happen until later.”

“Right, sorry for interrupting. Please continue,” Jack says, glancing at Emily. She nods at him.

“Felix left and I went to class,” I say with a shrug. “In the locker room…I…met Andrew…”

“Spencer?” Nora asks. I nod. “He’s a jerk,” she says.

“Uh…yeah. That’s actually a long story, anyway, so I met Andrew and then during class, I took the ball from Andrew and I’m pretty sure it was the first time in history anyone ever had because Andrew was confused and then Coach Ford blew the whistle and called me over. He basically guilted me into joining the team.”

“You play basketball?” Jack asked

“Uh, yeah. I do.”

“Simon isn’t one for sports,” he explains. “Never had that father-son sports bonding…”

I laugh. “I’d be happy to dunk on you in the drive way later,” I say with a laugh. He laughs, too. “Anyway, by lunch time, Andrew had set up a GoFundMe for the five-hundred dollars I owed to joint the basketball team. Without consulting me. I confronted him. He made a scene. Benji came to my rescue, because apparently that’s what Benji does,” I can’t help but smile. “People made a scene about that, too,” I say with a sigh.

Emily closes her eyes. “I’m sorry, Victor. That sounds like a really rough first day.”

I sigh. “It’s not over.” They look at me. “I told Felix off after he told me we should go to the Carnival and I went home. And my dad was already there, which isn’t like him. He’s always at work. Especially since this was a new job; he works all the time. I found out my sister got into a fight and I don’t know. I guess I fixed it, because that’s what I do. I fix my family’s problems…until I _am_ my family’s problem, anyway,” I say with a sigh.

“Oh, honey, you can’t make it your responsibility to solve everyone else’s problems. Simon was always like that, too, you know. But it’s not healthy. You need to take care of yourself, Victor,” Emily says. I think this is what Simon warned me about. _Therapizing_ he called. I swallow and look up at her. “If you want to talk to someone, I have friends…”

I shake my head. “I…”

“Think about it,” she says. “Anyway. Your sister got in a fight…”

I nod. “I talked to my mom and then I went to my room and sent Simon a message on Instagram.”

“Is _that_ how you met him. I was wondering,” Emily says.

“It wasn’t a very nice message,” I admit. “I was…angry. Angry he had everything I’d never have.”

“What do you mean?” Emily asks.

I shrug. “I mean, you guys…you’re so perfect and accepting and my parents…well, I’m here right now, aren’t I? He got his perfectly beautiful love story and life and I…”

“Oh, Victor, don’t talk like that,” she says reaching for my hand across the table. “Simon doesn’t have this perfect life you seem to be imaging…”

“I…I know…but…”

“No buts,” she says. “What happened next?”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated T
> 
> Finishing up episode 1x1 and through episode 1x5 from Victor's perspective. Retelling to Simon's parents and Nora at breakfast. I'm trying to get into his head about what he perceived happening and what he was feeling throughout the season to try to give this fic a little more ground to stand on.

“I did eventually decide to go to the carnival with Felix,” I say quietly. I look up and the Spiers all nod at me. “At one point, we split up. Something about Apple Cider and Churros, but a few seconds later my phone dinged.” I glance up and smirk. “Simon wrote me back even though I was a total jerk.”

“Of course, he did,” Emily says proudly and I shake my head.

“I ran into my family,” I say, “but they ran off quick. Then I saw Benji and honestly, for a minute I thought about it. I was going to do it. I was going to ask him to go on the Ferris Wheel. He told me last night that he wishes I would have because he would have gone. I had no idea he had a boyfriend at the time and I was…I don’t know.”

“Wait, Benji had a boyfriend.”

“Yep,” I say. “And I’m a monumental idiot, but that’s later. Anyway, I was going to…and then I didn’t. I walked right past him and his stupid tight t-shirt and his stupid smile and asked Mia instead.” I sigh. “That night…I had a nightmare. Or, I don’t know. It was a bad dream.”

“What happened in the dream?” Emily asks.

“I asked Benji instead,” I say quietly.

“And?”

“And they were booing. Everyone was booing, and…”

“Oh, sweetheart. That would never happen, you know?”

I swallow. “Don’t be so sure.”

She shakes her head. “Okay. What happened after that?”

“The next morning, while we were walking to school, Felix and I stopped at Brasstown for coffee. He showed me the new Creek Secrets post about me and Mia on the Ferris Wheel because the school is too obsessed.”

“You can say that again,” Nora snorts.

“Anyway, I saw they were hiring. My dad had refused to give me the money for basketball and suggested I get a job, so I got the application from Sarah…who I didn’t know was called Sarah at the time, actually. Anyway, overnight I became the most poplar kid in school and I just didn’t know what to do. And then at lunch, Mia and Lake came up to me and said that Mia was having a party that night…a stoplight party.”

“Oh God,” Nora says.

“Her dad was out of town,” I say. “I found out later that the whole thing was actually Lake’s idea. Mia hates parties. But anyway. Felix was there and he insisted I needed to wear yellow to ‘declare [my] feelings for Mia.’ After school I stopped at Brasstown to drop off my application and…Benji was working.” Nora whistles. Her parents shoot her a look and she laughs. “He’s the…uh…assistant manager, so he asked me to come back and interview…and it was…it was a mess, honestly, but GOD it’s so hard to do anything when he’s standing there with his tight t-shirts and just.”

Nora starts laughing manaiccally. “You clearly got the job, right? I mean he obviously likes you.”

“Uh, well, technically I got the job because I was the only applicant.”

“Doubtful.”

I tilt my head at her. “Ask him. Bet he threw the other applications away.”

I shake my head. “Well, whatever… I did the interview, made a fool of myself. I went home and put on the only yellow shirt I own and went to the party.”

“Yellow? I’m confused,” Jack says.

“Stoplight party?” Nora says, looking at her dad.

“What?”

“It’s a thing. Uh, you wear a color based on your relationship status. It’s dumb. Green is single; red is taken; yellow is interested.”

“Interested?” he asks.

“Yeah, like you’re interested in someone at the party,” Nora says. She turns back to me. “Okay, so stoplight party at Mia’s, continue.”

“I got there, Andrew said I looked desperate and gave his basketball jacket to wear because it was green. Lake was wearing red even though she was obviously, ridiculously, into Andrew. I lost Felix for awhile and when he found his way back, he was drunk.” Emily and Jack make disappointed face. “I wasn’t drinking,” I clarify. “I…I don’t drink.” Emily smiles at me and nods, gesturing for me to continue. “Anyway, I was just going to get Felix home, because he was not doing well when I got another message from Simon and I went to the bathroom to read it. And, do you know how wise your son is? Because he always knows exactly the right thing to say.”

His parents look proud. “So, I went to find Felix and when I did a bunch of guys from the basketball team were drawing on his face with sharpie and they spelled loser wrong? Andrew asked why I cared and I told him that Felix was my friend. I was going to help him get cleaned up. We ended up upstairs and we ran into Mia who was hiding in her bedroom. Felix ended up falling asleep on her bathroom floor and I was talking to her…”

“Oh God, you did _not_ hook up with her while he was in her bathroom,” Nora says suddenly.

“I did not.” I confirm.

“Thank God. Okay, continue.”

I chuckle. “Uh, well. Felix asked for a blanket and I took off Andrew’s jacket and gave it to him. And Mia noticed my yellow shirt…and…I took Felix home and my dad caught us in the stairwell because it was past curfew and Felix was drunk. I tried to apologize, but he…didn’t care? I guess he’d rather have a drunk son than a gay one,” I say coldly.

Emily looks like she might cry and she reaches one hand toward mine again.

“That’s really shitty,” Nora says.

“Nora! Language!” Emily says.

“Sorry. I just…it _is_.”

“I know,” I say. “It is. But anyway. He didn’t care. I went to my room. I think I asked my dad something really awkward because I was trying to figure out if I actually liked Mia. If that would actually ever work. Spoiler: I wouldn’t. Anyway, I sent Simon a message when I finally sat down and then Benji called and gave me the job because I was the only applicant,” I eye Nora, “or so he said.” She smirks. “And that just made me more confused. Then a few days later I just took the plunge and asked Mia to go to Battle of the Bands with me…on a date.”

They all nod. “You tried so hard. You really didn’t want to disappoint your family,” Emily says slowly. “Victor, you’re not a disappointment, you know that right?”

I hang my head. “Except I am.”

“It might feel like that right now. With everything going on,” she says. “But you’re human. Just like everyone else.”

I sigh. “Can we not talk about this right now?”

She nods. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t let her therapize you. She does that to us _all the time_ ,” Nora says. “Mom, let the kid breathe. He wasn’t done with his story.”

“Right, right, right. I’m sorry, Victor, please, do go on,” Emily says, taking a sip of her coffee. And making a show of closing her mouth.

I almost laugh. “Okay, anyway. Felix told me he was performing.”

“He’s in a band?” Nora asks. “I’m in a band. Did Simon tell you that?”

“He did not. And no, Felix is not in a band. He’s…a DJ. Or he said he was. It’s kind of a long story. He was really just trying to impress Lake. Anyway. I closed with Benji for the first time that night. And we were talking while we were cleaning up. And then he took my phone and started playing music…after thoroughly making fun of me. We were dancing to ‘Call Me Maybe’ and then Mia texted me, so he handed my phone back…”

“Oh God. That’s so awkward,” Nora says. Then she slaps her hand over her face. “Sorry, continue. I’ll stop interrupting.”

“Okay, well, I told him I was taking Mia on a date…and then he suggested bringing her to Battle of the Bands which was, of course, already the plan until…”

“Until…?” Jack asks when I drop off.

“Until Benji said he was performing. He’s uh...the lead singer in a band...I can’t pay attention to Mia if Benji and his tight t-shirts and cute smile are there so I told him we were doing something else.” Nora groans, but quickly makes a show of eye contact to signal she was still listening. “So, I took Mia to an art exhibit.”

“Is she into art?” Emily asks.

“Yeah. She’s actually making a really cool sculpture in the art classroom at school. But anyway, we were looking at art and then we found this place to sit down and we were talking and she admitted it was the first date she’d ever been on.” Nora’s eyes go wide and I know she wants to say something, but honestly, I don’t want to know, so I just keep talking. “And then we kissed.” Nora swallows loud enough I can hear it and I glance at her before I continue. “And then we went to Battle of the Bands. We got there while they were deliberating the winner and then the winner got to play an encore…and of course, of course, of course, Benji’s band won. Because Benji’s incredible.” Nora chuckles and I glance at her.

“Sorry, sorry,” she says and gestures for me to continue.

“They…uh, they did this really slowed down version of ‘Call Me Maybe’ and Benji was singing and I swear it was like he was staring into my soul and I couldn’t…I couldn’t focus. And then he was coming off stage and I didn’t realize I’d taken a step toward him until he wasn’t looking at me anymore, because Derek also came off stage. And then they were kissing and I was dying and then Mia asked if we were ready to leave, and God was I ready to leave. That night…that’s when Pilar, uh, my sister, that’s when she told me she thought our Mom had an affair.”

Everything just deflates when I say that out loud. “Oh!” Emily gasps. “Victor…”

“She did,” I say. “She did _…_ have an affair, I mean. We didn’t know right away but we figured it out. I’m gonna spare you those details honestly. By that Friday night we knew who and that. My mom…uh, she cheated on my dad…with his boss…back in Texas.”

Emily looks like she wants to ask for more information, but I keep talking instead. “That was the night of the Whitman game. I was so distracted during the game that I almost got benched… We... uh, Pilar and I…we, uh, confront our parents that night and they told us about mom. They didn’t tell us the whole story that night. I… uh, ended up on the couch at Brasstown with Mia the next day and I told her everything and she told me the truth about her mom, which it isn’t my place to share,” I say before anyone can ask. They all nod. “I went home and I sat down on the couch with my mom. I tried. God, I tried to forgive her. I really did. But I couldn’t. I can’t…That…uh, that was the week that you guys were in New York,” I say looking up at Emily and Jack. “Simon hadn’t…hadn’t responded in a week and he was so happy to have spent that time with you and then I had to drop the bombshell… I…”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated T
> 
> Victor's retelling of episode 1x6. Then Benji saves the morning.

“Well, after that, it was almost my birthday. And…my mom wanted to throw a party because that’s what she does, but I didn’t want… I told her no, until my _dad_ dropped the next bombshell that his parents were coming to visit for my birthday. My mom was freaking out, so I agreed to the party, because that’s what I do. I fix things.” I sigh. _Now the tricky part._

“What’s wrong?” Emily asks.

I shake my head. “So, I was telling my friends about the party at Brasstown the next morning. I was on my break and was just inviting Mia, Felix, and Lake. Keep it casual… Well, Lake doesn’t _do_ casual apparently and invited Benji without consulting me.” Nora’s eyes go wide. “And he invited his boyfriend without consulting me.” Everyone swallows. “Felix came over early before the actual party. He didn’t understand the soccer game my dad and grandpa had on. It was kind of funny. Then Mia and Lake showed up. And my dad _really_ liked Mia. Like _really_ liked her. I hadn’t seen him smile in a week. And apparently Mia knows how soccer works which impressed both my dad _and_ my grandpa which is honestly, saying something.”

Everyone’s looking at me. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. “So I took Mia into the kitchen to meet my mom. We walked in to my mom and sister fighting…My mom ruined the cake. I tried to send Lake for a new one, Felix went with her. They opened the door and there was Benji…” Everyone is biting their tongues and I sigh. “He, uh, handed me a box… my, uh, present,” I say shyly.

“What was it?” Nora asks before she can stop herself.

I laugh. “Uh, a drawing…”

“He draws,” she says, impressed.

“He does. He’s… he’s actually really good.”

“What was it a drawing of?”

I bite my lip. “Me.”

"Oh my God, he was totally into you already, too. This is ridiculous,” Nora says and then she shuts up and gestures for me to continue.

I roll my eyes. “Well, Derek showed up, too, obviously…” I take a deep breath, "and then I did the stupidest thing I’ve done in my life. I mean I was trying to protect them, but I should just told them not come, but they were already there and…”

“Slow down,” Emily says, reaching for my hand. “What happened?”

“Mi abuelo,” I say without thinking, and then pause. “Uh, my grandfather,” I correct.

Emily chuckles. “I understand enough Spanish to get that one, Victor, please, your abuelo…?”

“He of course came into the hall and asked who my friends were…” I take a deep breath. “I introduced Benji as my coworker. I mean…obviously…he was…he… _is_.” They laugh. “But I, uh, I said Derek was his bandmate and Derek got pissed, but he didn’t say anything.” I sigh. “I was roped into a conversation with Mia and my grandma. Everyone loves Mia. She’s amazing, why wouldn’t they. I, uh, kept watching my Grandpa talk to Benji and Derek…and just waiting…waiting for it to happen.”

“What to happen?” Jack asks.

I take a deep breath. “My grandpa is…well he’s old…and Catholic…and…he’s always making these comments…”

“Oh, no,” Emily says and I can see the look on her face and it hurts my soul because she right and because I know I’ll probably never see my abuelo again.

“Anyway, Mia went to talk to Pilar. Derek and Benji escaped my grandpa…only to uh, well Derek kissed Benji…I mean obviously, if I were him…”

Nora laughs. “Sorry, sorry,” she says quietly.

“And my grandpa saw. He confronted my dad who confronted me and they made me ask them to leave…I was about to, but I didn’t and I walked back into the living room and told my dad no.”

“Oh, honey, that’s…I’m so proud of you,” Emily says.

I nod. “So there was a family intervention and my mom stood up for me and my dad stood up for her and my grandparents half-apologized and it was just so awkward. And then Benji said he and Derek were going to leave just as my mom was calling us for cake and they stood by the door and Benji sang even though Derek was trying to pull him out the door. My little brother, Adrian, he told me to make a wish.”

“Did you?” Emily asks, noting my hesitation.

I nod. “I did.”

“Did it come true?”

I laugh a little. “I’m not sure. I guess we’re going to find out.” She raises her eyebrows but doesn’t push it. “Then I was talking to Mia…thanking her for putting in effort with Pilar and my mom and she called herself my girlfriend and…then she was and that night I was in my room looking at Benji’s drawing and my dad came in. He said he was proud of me for standing up to my grandpa…”

“Really?” Emily asks. “After the past couple days.”

“And then he said it doesn’t matter to him ‘what some boys in my school are up to’, but that he hoped my grandpa was wrong about my brother.”

Emily looks at me. “Your…your brother?”

“Uh, he was playing with his Elsa wand…and…my grandpa seems to think…well, you can guess.”

She nods. “I’m sorry, Victor.”

“Well, everything was good. It was great. Mia was great. And then she invited me over to her house that Friday. And it was pretty obvious why.”

“Oh shit,” Nora says. She immediately slaps her hand to her face and looks at her mom. “Sorry, I…”

Emily shakes he head at Nora, “Victor, please,” she says gesturing.

I swallow. “Well, I was nervous…and then I found myself talking to Benji about it at work.”

“Well, that’s an interesting plan. Talk to the boy you _actually_ want to have sex with about the girl that you don’t actually want to have sex with that wants to have sex with you,” Nora says with raised eyebrows. “Definitely not what I would have done,” she says with a laugh.

I shake my head. “Okay, well. I was talking to Benji and he told me he had sex with girls…before he came out obviously and that if he could do it, anyone could. Anyway that was also the day I helped him plan his super romantic one year anniversary date with Derek.”

“Wait, you helped the boy you were madly in love with _plan a date_ for another boy. Jesus, Victor, you’re worse than my brother was. And _that’s_ saying something.”

“So, I was leaving for Mia’s…and I ran into Felix in the hallway…and I invited him along.”

“You invited your best friend to your sex date with your girlfriend?” Nora asks. I nod. “Oh my God, Victor, you were so helpless. I’m so fascinated as to how we got to where we sit today. Please, please.”

“So, we all ended up in Mia’s living room. Me, Mia, Lake, and Felix…and Felix taught us how to play Settlers of Catan, but honestly, I have no idea what he was saying. After a while, Mia went upstairs and Lake followed her…I went after them eventually and Lake told me Mia was upset. She told me I was cruel. She asked if I even liked Mia…I uh, went into Mia’s bedroom and kissed her. I was going to do it…I was…I swear, I just…I had to. I mean if Benji could and he…he was gay, so I definitely could, right? I wasn’t even sure…like, I still didn’t know.” I stop talking and look down at my hands on the table.

“Did you?” Nora asks, nudging my arm.

I shake my head. “She broke the kiss because the wall I had her against was hurting her head…she sat on her bed and looked at me…and I panicked. I uh, I ran into her bathroom. When I came back, she knew something was wrong. She thought I didn’t like her…but I _did_ like her. I _do_ like her, just not…not like that and I almost told her right then. I almost did it, but I didn’t…”

“Why?”

“I was literally about to and I couldn’t choke out the word…so I told her I wasn’t ready instead. I was leaving and she asked if there was anything else and I…like a total dumbass said no. I messaged Simon while I was walking down the stairs. And then I saw…dear lord, I saw, Lake and Felix making out on Mia’s couch.”

“Woah, did not see that coming,” Nora interjects and then claps her hand to her mouth again. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. Well, I was walking home from Mia’s…which took me right past Brasstown where Benji was supposed to be having his date with Derek…but I saw Benji inside…by himself...cleaning up…so I…I went in.” I take a deep breath. “He said his date went ‘fine’ but I knew he was lying. I didn’t say anything. He asked how my date went and I just said there wasn’t much to tell. He was working on his latte art…he offered to show me…and he did…and we stayed there until late. I almost missed my curfew actually.”

They all sort of look at me, waiting for the next part of my story. My phone dings in my pocket, so I pull it out. A text from Benji.

_You didn’t forget about me, did you? Or are Simon’s parents interrogating you over breakfast? Do I need to come rescue you?”_

I smile and laugh under my breath. I glance up and everyone’s looking at me. “Benji?” Emily asks. I nod.

“I, uh, told him I’d call after breakfast, so he’s just making sure you aren’t interrogating me…”

“We’re…we’re not right? We’re not making you uncomfortable, are we?” she says suddenly. “We didn’t mean…we just…”

“Emily,” I say… “It’s totally fine. I’m staying in your house. You should know all this.” I take a deep breath. “But it is…a…a little uncomfortable. I just…It’s weird to talk about all this stuff. Not just with you guys, but…with anyone…” I glance back to my phone. “Can we…can we finish this later?”

Emily and Jack glance at each other. Jack shrugs and Emily nods. “Yes, of course,” she says. “I’m so sorry we made you uncomfortable. We just want to know how we can help you…”

“And…I still don’t understand why we like Felix…” Jack says.

“He did just save me from having sex with Mia,” I remind him.

Jack nods, but doesn’t look convinced. “Oh, alright, go call your boyfriend,” he says shooing me from the table. I kind of giggle as I press send on Benji’s number before I even get to the stairs. He answers on the first ring.

“There you are,” he says and I can literally hear the smile in his voice. I’d always heard people say that, but I’d never realized it was a real thing. I thought it just mean that you could hear someone was happy, but no, I can actually hear him smiling and it makes me smile, too.

“Hey,” I say, as I close the bedroom door and sit back down on the edge of the bed. “Sorry that took so long. I was, uh, I was sort of recounting my entire life story. It was a little weird.”

“Oof, are you okay?”

“Yep,” I lie.

“Victor,” he says.

“Fine, it made me really uncomfortable. I don’t like talking about myself. I was just telling them everything that’s happened since I moved here…with Mia…and you…and Simon…and it’s just a lot.”

“Did you get them caught up to speed at least?”

I sigh, “Not yet.”

“Geez. How many details are you giving these people?”

I laugh. “They _are_ giving me a place to stay, Benji.”

“Okay, that’s true, but…”

“Do you feel left out?” He doesn’t say anything. “You do, don’t you?” I say with a laugh. “I’ll tell you, too, promise. Actually, I kind of want to know your side of a few things, too, if we’re being fair.”

“Oh, really? What do you want to know? I’m an open book,” he jokes. “I’m pretty sure I told you my deepest darkest secret two weekends ago on that shitty motel bed in Willacoochie, so everything else is on the table now.”

“Was I really the only applicant?”

“What?”

“The job at Brasstown. Was I really the only one that applied?”

He’s laughing. “No,” he admits.

“Wait, really? I thought Nora was just crazy.”

“She’s good, what did you tell her that she figured it out.”

“Literally nothing. I just told her that you said I got the job because I was the only one that applied and that I made a fool of myself at my interview.”

“You didn’t,” he says quietly.

“What?”

“You didn’t make a fool of yourself, Victor. You’re adorable. You always are. That’s… that’s why I gave you the job. I mean. That and I’ve pretty much been in love with you since your first day at Creekwood.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up now, what?”

“Shit, I actually said that out loud, didn’t I?”

“You did, yes.”

“Look, I…I don’t wanna do this over the phone, can we go somewhere?”

“Come get me and the day is yours,” I tell him.

“I’ll be there in like 15 minutes,” he says and I can hear him pick up his keys.

“Can’t wait,” I say, smiling ridiculously.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated T

I go to the bathroom to freshen up and realize I didn’t bring any toiletries. Serious oversight. I guess that’s our adventure for today. Back to Target because I’m a moron that didn’t even grab his deodorant. Then I realize, there should still be one in my backpack from basketball. I hurry back to the bedroom and dig through my backpack until I pull out the stick of deodorant which I quickly apply. I still need shampoo and soap, but at least I won’t stink, right? I start walking back to the bathroom and I run into Nora.

“Do you need anything?” she asks.

“Uh, actually, yeah. I’m gonna go get some like shampoo and soap later, but do you guys have a spare wash cloth or something? I should probably at least wash my face.”

“Yeah, of course,” she say. She walks into the bathroom and motions for me to follow her. She opens the linen closet and points everything out. “Towels and wash cloths. Use whatever, just wash it with your laundry and bring it back here,” she says with a shrug. “You can use my face wash if you want,” she says picking it up from the counter. “That is if you don’t mind smelling like a grapefruit.”

“Hey, grapefruit smells nice,” I say.

She laughs, “I agree. So, is that it then?”

“Uh, yeah, thanks,” I say quietly.

“No, problem,” she says and leaves the bathroom. I hear her bedroom door close across the hall and then close the bathroom door. I stare at myself in the mirror and I look terrible. There’re huge dark circles under my eyes; I clearly didn’t get enough sleep last night. My hair is everywhere and I sigh. I need to make myself look presentable and I have approximately 10 minutes to do so before my ridiculously hot boyfriend shows up.

I wash my face and attempt to tame my hair and then walk back across the hall with a sigh. I try to fix my clothes in the mirror, but honestly it might be a lost cause at this point. Maybe I should call and cancel, but before that thought can even cross my mind, my phone buzzes. _I’m here._ I laugh, because I’m still excited to see him even if I look like a complete mess; I just hope he’s still excited to see me.

I make my way downstairs. Emily is sitting on the couch in the living room. “Oh, are you going somewhere?” she asks.

I nod, “Uh, yeah, I’m just going to go out with Benji…I’m not actually sure what we’re doing yet,” I say.

She smiles at me. “Go have fun, after the couple days you’ve had, you deserve it. We’ll talk more later, okay? Dinner’s at 5:30 if you want to eat,” she says and I turn for the door.

Once I’m outside, I feel like I can finally breathe again. I immediately spot Benji, leaning against the side of his car, waiting for me and he’s smiling. When I’m close enough he whispers, “Hello, handsome,” and then he kisses my cheek. “How’d you sleep?” he asks, tilting his head to examine my face.

“Not great, but not great is better than not at all, right?”

He nods. “It is.” He opens the door and gestures for me to get in. I laugh at him, but climb into the car and wait for him to walk around to the other side. “So, where to?” he asks once he’s in the driver’s seat.

I stare at my hands. “I, uh…I need to get like shampoo and stuff at some point,” I say.

“Target again?” he asks.

I nod. “Sure.”

He's quiet as he starts driving toward Target. It’s only 5 minutes from Simon’s parents’ house and he’s parking and then he’s looking at me. “Um, do you wanna talk?” he asks.

“…about?”

“What I said earlier…it was really rude of me to just spring that on you…I didn’t…I didn’t actually mean to say that out loud.”

I can’t help the laugh that escapes my lips. He raises an eyebrow at me. “What’s there to talk about?”

“Um…well I said…”

“Benji, I know what you said.”

“Okay, but…”

“Have I ever told you about that first day?”

“Uh…not really…”

“By the time I got to you…outside the fucking locker rooms which has to be the absolute grossest place in a school for the record.”

“Agreed.”

“So you know, Felix was, uh, showing me around I guess. And…he was rambling on about something. I don’t even remember what anymore, but then you walked into that hallway and stopped at that disgusting water fountain, which I’m amazed you’re still alive because that thing is _nasty_. But…it was like the whole world stopped.” He blinks at me and I smile. “And then you came over to us and I was so fucking nervous. Then you were the first person I’d heard use Felix’s actual name all day. Even Ms. Albright…”

“Wait…go back to the part where the world stopped,” he says with a little smirk toying at the corner of his mouth.

I shake my head. “I’ve never seen anyone like you before.”

“What d’you mean by that?”

“I mean, you’re perfect,” I say, blushing, “I’ve never seen someone so…so… _God_ , I don’t think there are words for it, honestly. I’d never…I mean I’ve never…I’ve never been as attracted to anyone as I was to you in that moment. I think my heart might have stopped.” I finally look up at him and he has this ridiculous smile on his face and I don’t understand what’s happening until he’s leaning across the console and kissing me. It’s not like last night, but it’s… it’s... I don’t have words because it’s that perfect.

He sits back and smirks at me, “So sorry to interrupt; do continue,” he says and gestures.

I laugh and he’s smiling again. “Um, yeah, and then there was something about my shoes and believing in cool kicks because I’m an absolute moron who was too flustered by your mere presence to form a coherent thought. And then the bell rang and ruined everything.”

He laughs. “That damn bell,” he says quietly.

“Anyway, when you left…Felix told me you were ‘chill’ and also gay. Which he proceeded to insist he didn’t have a problem which. And he doesn’t have a problem with, but he also sad something about not giving people the wrong idea.”

“He what?”

I take a deep breath. “He basically told me to be careful hanging out with you because it might give people the wrong idea.”

“Right. You know, I always liked Felix…”

“It’s only because he thought I was straight,” I try to say.

Benji half-laughs and nods. “Okay, okay. So, moral of the story?” I scrunch up my face and he laughs for a second before reaching a hand across the space between us to cup my cheek. “Moral of the story,” he continues, “we’re both monumental idiots and we should have been doing a lot more of this…” he leans across and kisses me again. “…a lot sooner.”

I slowly nod a little. “Yeah. Something like that. You should have heard Nora this morning when I was trying to tell them about that incident.”

“Did you just call meeting me an incident?”

“I…yeah, I guess?”

He laughs. “Okay then.”

“I mean, after I told them about that part of the story, we got off topic for a second and then she said something like, ‘okay, so you met Benji and fell madly in love within a couple seconds and then what.’”

He smirks at me. “Did she? And what did you say?”

I bite my lip. “I…uh…I just kept telling the story.”

“So, you didn’t correct her?”

I shake my head. “No,” I say quietly. “Uh, I didn’t _correct_ her because she wasn’t wrong.”

He’s smirking again and I’m blushing and his hand’s back on my face. “Okay, I’m going to stop embarrassing you now. Let’s go get you some shampoo,” he says with a laugh and starts opening his car door.

I follow him toward Target and I’m kind of surprise when he doesn’t reach for my hand. He has his hands shoved in his pockets instead, so I bump his shoulder with mine while he picks up a basket. “Can I help you?” he asks with wink.

“Why aren’t you holding my hand?” I ask shyly.

“I didn’t know…It’s one thing at 10:30 at night, but now it’s the middle of the day on a weekend we could…uh, run into people and I didn’t know if…”

I hold out my hand toward him. “Please?” I say.

He laces his fingers through mine and we walk across the front of the store toward Health and Beauty. “Benji, what was the point in the whole mess that was this weekend if I don’t get to hold your hand now?”

“I don’t know…I didn’t…I didn’t want to push you…I didn’t know if you were comfortable with…with everyone knowing…”

I shake my head again. “You’re too nice,” I whisper. “After Friday, I couldn’t take it anymore. That’s why I told my parents. I’m done hiding. I’m so over it. It’s exhausting. I don’t want to deal with it anymore. I just want this,” I say, squeezing his hand in mine. “I don’t care what anyone else thinks because honestly what can they do or say that’s worse than what my parents already did to me for this, right?” I look over at him and there’s tears in the corners of his eyes which he’s clearly trying to blink out of existence and my heart just melts. “You’re crying,” I say quietly, pulling on his hand to bring us to a stop. I pull him into the aisle behind us, not paying attention to what aisle it even is and pull him to face me. “Hey, look at me,” I say quietly.

He’s biting his lip, but smiling when he looks up at me. “I love you,” I say quietly and I don’t know why I say it. I don’t know why I’m saying in the middle of a fucking Target, but here we are and he needs to know.

He’s almost laughing as he squeezes my hand in his. “I love you, too,” he whispers. “It’s probably a bit early on to be saying that, but you know what I’ve waited like 4 months and at this point, I don’t care anymore.”

“Me, either,” I say and then I kiss him. We’re only kissing for 2 seconds when someone is clearing their throat and we immediately step apart. I look around.

“You’re very cute, but could you move, you’re blocking the shelves,” the girl says. She’s older than us, maybe early 20s, and wearing this really cute denim jacket. Her long brown hair is tied back, but kind of messily. I feel like I’ve seen her before, but I can’t quite place her until a second later and another girl comes around the corner.

“Hey, Leah, what’s taking so longer?” she says. The second girl is black and she has short curly hair and she’s smiling at Leah as if she walks on water.

“Hold up, this is actually fate,” I say quickly. They both stare at me for a second.

“Excuse me?” Abby asks.

“You’re Leah and Abby as in Simon’s best friends from high school Leah and Abby.”

“You know Si?” Leah says tilting her head at me. “Who are you?”

“Uh, hi, I’m Victor,” I say, awkwardly extending a hand. They raise an eyebrow and look at each other. “God, the two people he doesn’t tell are the two people I run into. Figures,” I say with a sigh.

“Sorry, what?” Abby asks.

“It is a really long story and I don’t exactly have time or energy to explain it right now, but yes, I know Simon, um... I’m going to ask him to tell you who I am because I’m not about standing in the middle of Target and having this conversation while my boyfriend looks at me like I’m crazy,” I say squeezing Benji's hand. “Anyway, it was really nice to meet you guys,” I say and then I pull Benji back into the main aisle.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated T
> 
> TW: Mild homophobia

“Who were they?” Benji asks when we’re finally staring at shelves of shampoo a few minutes later.

“Like I said, Simon’s best friends from high school, or well 2 of them.”

“Really?”

“Yup,” I say. “Remind me to message him when we get back to the car so they can stop being so confused.”

“Sure…” he says.

I pick up a bottle of shampoo and drop it into the basket Benji’s carrying. “I just need body wash and maybe one of those loofa things,” I say as I look around for the right aisle.

20 minutes later, we’re back in Benji’s car and he’s staring at me again. “Why do you look at me like that?”

“Like what?” he asks, glancing away.

“I don’t even know. You just get this look on your face and then you stare at me with that cute little smile and it’s just kind of adorable and... It makes my heart do weird things,” I admit. I’m blushing, so I look down at my hands.

“Sorry,” he says, reaching a hand toward mine. “You’re just _really_ cute and now that I’m allowed to stare at you without it being creepy, I can’t help myself,” he says with a laugh. “Um, this is your reminder to message Simon,” he says. “I just remembered.”

I laugh. “Crap, right, okay, give me a second,” I say as I pull out my phone. I open Instagram and type a message to Simon. Benji peaks over my shoulder.

“You know you could just text him…you have his phone number.”

“OH!” I say. “You’re totally right.” I close Instagram and open my texting app. I send Simon a text. _Hey, so I just ran into Abby and Leah at Target._

_Wait, what?_

_[laughing emoji] That was just about their response, too. They had no idea who I was, so could you maybe tell them, so they don’t think I’m a total weirdo. It would be the two friends you don’t tell about me that I run into btw._

_I only told my roommates and Bram you know. So what do you want me to tell them?_

_Uh, whatever. Just make sure they know I’m not a weirdo._

_[laughing emoji] You got it. What were you doing at Target?_

_Forgot my toiletries. I’m actually with Benji right now, so talk later?_

_Did they get to meet Benji before me? No fair._

_Lmao. They didn’t really meet him. I didn’t talk to them for long as they had no idea who I was. I told them I’d have you explain because I didn’t want to have that conversation in the middle of Target while my boyfriend stares at me like I’m insane._

_Hold up. BOYFRIEND!?! Victor._

_OMG. I didn’t tell you about that. Uh, yeah. That’s a thing. I’ll message you later, okay?_

_Please. I’ll be waiting._

When I finally look up, Benji’s staring at me again and I just shake my head. “I am _not_ that cute. You’re ridiculous.”

“Nope. You’re definitely that cute.”

“So, where are we going now?” I ask because I know I’m not going to win that fight.

“That’s up to you,” he says with a smile.

“I don’t really need to go anywhere else…”

“Do you want me to take you back?”

“No,” I say quickly, too quickly. He laughs.

“Okay. Not ready to tell the rest of your life story yet?”

“Not really," I say, shaking my head. “This morning was weird.”

“How far did you get…”

“Uh, the night I didn’t have sex with Mia and we made latte art after your anniversary date,” I say with a smirk.

“Oh jeez. They haven’t even heard the half of it yet.”

“So…where should we go?” I ask.

He bites his lip. “I have an idea, but only if you want to, okay?”

I nod. “I’ll probably want to. As long as it’s with you.”

“Uh, I don’t know about that, but okay. I was thinking…we could…go back to my place…”

“Your parents…”

He takes a deep breath. “My dad isn’t home and…my mom wants to meet you, remember?”

“Where’s your dad?”

“My uncle’s house. He’s helping build a deck in the backyard or something. He won’t be home until dinner. So…is that a yes?”

I close my eyes. “If I say yes and get subjected to your mother does that mean I get to be alone with you afterwards?”

He smirks. “All afternoon is just you, me, my bed and Netflix. Promise.”

“God, that sounds so perfect. I’m in.”

He starts the car and backs out of the parking space. We’re back on Roswell Road and heading toward his house when he speaks again. “Just so you know, I was being literal about the Netflix. I’m not like…I don’t know…I just don’t want you to think…”

I about die laughing. “Benji, chill, it’s okay.”

“I don’t know. I just realized what I said and…”

“Benji, stop.”

“But I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“You’re not,” I assure him. I reach across and put my hand on his shoulder. “I promise. Please stop worrying.”

He swallows and nods once. He grabs my hand in his before I can pull it back to my lap and smiles at me for a second.

“Tell me about your mom,” I say a minute later.

“What? Why?”

“I’m about to meet her,” I remind him. “I want to know what I’m getting myself into.”

“True. Okay. She’s a mom. Expect an embarrassing amount of stupid questions,” he says. I laugh, remembering when my parents met Pilar’s now ex-boyfriend and then it hurts too much to think about them. “What’s wrong?” he says. I shake my head. “Victor, please talk to me,” he pleads.

I swallow. “I was thinking about my parents.”

“Oh.”

“It was a funny memory, but it’s just too painful to think about them right now.”

“Are you sure you want to meet my mom right now?” he asks, hesitantly. He’s turning left into a development that I assume must be where he lives.

“I’m sure,” I say.

“Victor, you don’t have to do this.”

“I do if I want to spend all afternoon alone with you, which I _definitely_ do, so the rest of it I’ll get over,” I say.

He shakes his head slowly. “You don’t have to do this,” he repeats.

“Didn’t I just tell you…”

“We could figure something else out…”

“Benji, stop. I’ll meet your mom.”

“Okay,” he says. He turns onto another street and then pulls into a driveway. Looking at the house from the outside, it’s definitely smaller than the Spiers’ but it’s still nice. I look at him and he has a weird look on his face. “We’re not doing this right now,” he says and starts to back up.

I grab his wrist. “Why?”

“He nods toward the pick-up truck in the driveway. “That’s my dad’s. He must have come home early. You’re _not_ ready for that.”

“Benji,” I say quietly. “Please park and at least talk about this first.”

He exhales slowly, okay. He pulls back up behind what I assume is his mom’s car and puts the car in park. He turns to me. “What have I told you about my father?” he asks.

“Uh, not a lot,” I admit. “Just that you aren’t as close as you used to be…”

“Right, and that’s because…”

“The accident?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “Not really. I mean, he was _really_ pissed that I totaled his car, but I think he would have gotten over that.”

“Not as bad as my parents,” I remind him.

He nods. “That’s true,” he says, “but honestly, you’ve had enough judgmental parents for a lifetime this weekend. I don’t want to subject you to _that_ on top of everything else.”

I reach my hand out to cup his cheek. I run my thumb under his eye. “Benji…can we just do this? Honestly, I just want to get all this stupid awkward shit done in one weekend and then maybe I can finally breathe.”

He closes his eyes. “I mean, I guess…with my mom here…it won’t be…but he…”

“Benji, please,” I whisper.

“Okay,” he says finally, opening his eyes and looking at me with a searching expression. I think he’s trying to make sure I’m serious. “If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure,” I say emphatically. “I just want to be with you.”

“But, we could just go somewhere else. We don’t have to stay here,” he says.

“Stop,” I say. I lean across the console and kiss him. “Please, stop. I want to be _alone_ with you and this seems like the best option for that. I want to spend all afternoon kissing my stupidly adorable boyfriend while we pretend to pay attention to Netflix. Can I please do that?”

He’s smiling now and I think I might have actually convinced him. “Okay, but only because I also want to spend all afternoon kissing my ridiculously cute boyfriend while we have no idea what we’re even supposed to be watching.”

We’re walking toward the house and he’s holding my hand in his. “Benji?” a woman’s voice comes from the front porch. He looks up.

“Hey, mom, uh, this is Victor,” he says, raising our joined hands to gesture.

She squeals with excitement. “Why didn’t you tell me you were bringing him over?” she says, slapping her son’s shoulder. “Victor, honey, it’s so good to meet you.” She says and she’s absolutely beaming at me. She looks back at Benji. “He _is_ cute. You weren’t exaggerating.” I can feel my face turning red and when I chance a glance at Benji, his seems to match.

“Mooooom,” he whines.

“Sorry, sorry,” she says, “Come on in.” She steps back through the door and holds it open for us.

“Uh, why is dad already home?” Benji asks.

“Threw out my back,” a man’s voice says from the room to the left.

“Oh, hey, pops,” Benji says, stepping forward into the doorway. He releases my hand and honestly it kind of breaks me, but I can’t tell him that. I’m the one that agreed to this. I step closer to him and I can hear him swallow.

“And who’s this?” Benji’s dad asks. He’s sitting on the sofa with an ice pack on his lower back. There’s a cup of water and a huge bottle ibuprofen on the coffee table in front of him. The TV is muted, but there’s a soccer game on. I focus on trying to figure out who’s playing while Benji and his dad talk.

“Uh, this is Victor,” Benji says. He swallows again before he adds on, “my boyfriend.”

Benji’s dad is nodding slowly and I can hear him take a deep breath. I glance at Benji and he looks nervous, but I know nothing this man can say will hurt as much as what my own father has said in the past 48 hours. “Nice to meet you,” he says coldly.

“Uh, yeah,” I say, trying to smile. “Nice to meet you, too.”

“I didn’t know you were going to be home,” Benji admits.

His father nod’s again. I’m still trying to follow the silenced soccer game just too keep my brain from diving too deep into what’s happening. His dad must notice because the next thing he says is. “You like soccer, kid?”

I nod. “Uh, my dad and Abuelo are really into watching the Latin American leagues. My grandparents moved to Texas from Colombia when my dad was really little.”

“Texas, huh?”

“Uh, yeah. We just moved here in January,” I say. He nods. “I’m more of a basketball fan myself."

“Me, too, actually. This was just the only sport on TV and I don’t have the brain power for much else with this back pain,” he says, moving around uncomfortably.

“Victor actually plays basketball,” Benji says proudly. “He’s sort of the star of the team.”

I exhale loudly through my nose. “That is _not_ true. I mean I do play, but I am not _the star_ ,” I say giving Benji a look. He laughs.

“What position?”

“Point Guard,” I say.

“You go to school with Benji?” I nod. “Good,” he says looking at Benji. “Nice to see your making some friends your own age for a change.”

Benji rolls his eyes. “He’s actually younger than me.”

“Well then. That’s new for you.”

Benji nods slowly. “Yeah, Dad. Listen, we’re gonna go upstairs, okay?”

His father nods, but doesn’t say anything. He unmutes the TV. “Come on,” Benji says, gesturing toward the stairs behind us.

“Is Victor staying for dinner?” Benji’s mom asks as we start up the stairs.

“I don’t think so,” he says.

“Oh, well, he’s welcome to. What are you boys planning to do this afternoon?”

Benji rolls his eyes and sighs. “We’re going to go to my room and watch Netflix or something. Victor’s sort of had a shitty weekend.” He squeezes his eyes shut. “Sorry for swearing. It’s just incredibly accurate.”

Benji’s mom gives me a soft look. “Is everything okay?”

“Mom,” Benji says, exasperatedly. “Can you not do this right now?”

“Right, sorry, boys. Enjoy your afternoon,” she says and then shoos us up the stairs before joining her husband in the living room.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated T
> 
> TW: Mention of homophobia (not actively happening)

“Sorry about them,” Benji says when we reach the landing.

“That wasn’t even that bad,” I say, almost laughing.

“I guess,” he admits. He opens a door and gestures me inside. His room is exactly what I would have pictured. It’s a little messy, but not bad. His desk is full of sketchbooks and pencils. There’s a guitar in the corner and his bed is unmade. It’s so perfectly _him_ that it sort of melts my heart. “I’m sorry about the mess,” he says, trying to kick a pile of dirty clothes toward his closet.

I laugh. “No,” I say, looking at him. I grab his hands to get his attention. “It’s perfect. It’s exactly what I would have pictured.”

“Really?”

“This room is so _you_.”

He chuckles a little. “If you say so.”

I release his hands and look around again. “Can I see your drawings?” I ask, walking toward the desk.

He wraps his arms around me, pinning my arms to my sides. “Maybe a couple,” he offers and then he tells me to go sit on the bed and he’ll bring a few. I don’t think he trusts me with free access which makes me wonder.

“Are you drawing me again?” I ask.

“What?”

“Last time you wouldn’t let me see it was because you were drawing me.”

He nods. “True. Uh, yeah, there’s definitely some of you in here,” he says flipping through one of his sketch books. “But, um, weren’t we supposed to be watching Netflix?”

I laugh. “Yeah, I think that’s what was discussed.”

“Is there something else you’d rather do?” he asks me with a smirk and raised eyebrow.

“I mean, I was planning on spending my afternoon kissing you, if we’re being completely honest,” I say quietly.

He chuckles. “That can definitely be arranged.” Before I even have time to think, his hands are on my shoulders pushing me backwards onto the bed as he connects our lips. I don’t know how long we’re kissing for, but my lips are starting to feel numb and it’s hard to breathe. I pull away from him and he whines. “Everything okay?” he asks when he sees the concern on my face.

“Uh, yeah,” I say quietly. I kiss him once. “I was just thinking…your parents are downstairs…”

He raises an eyebrow, “And?”

“Well, don’t you worry they might come up here?” I ask, glancing at the door.

He laughs. “Nope. They won’t.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“They never have,” he says. “They prefer not to think about it.” He shrugs. “Basically, as long as I’m not drinking, they don’t care what I’m doing. They know there’s no alcohol in the house, so as long as I’m here, they don’t bother me.”

“So, they just let you… do whatever?”

He nods. “Pretty much, yeah.” He sighs and glances at my lips. “Can we go back to making out now?” he asks with a wink.

I giggle and nod once. Then his lips are on mine again and everything else fades away. I wish I could just live in this moment forever. Here, kissing my boyfriend. Here, where I don’t even think about my parents. Here, where I can just _be_. He pulls away, panting for breath and rests his forehead against mine. “I love you,” I whisper.

He chuckles. “I love you, too.” We’re staring into each other’s eyes for a long minute. “What are you thinking about?” he asks, rolling onto his back and twining his fingers with mine while we both continue trying to remember how to breathe.

“I’m just wishing I could stay in this moment forever,” I admit. “Everything is so perfect right now. This weekend’s been a lot to deal with, but right now, it all just feels so worth it.” I roll onto my side to look at him and he’s smiling.

He looks at me. “I wish I could keep you here safe forever, Vic. I really do.” I smile at him and then bring my lips back to his. When I pull away, he’s smiling at me. He reaches a hand up and cups my cheek. “I wish there was more I could do.”

I shake my head slightly. “You’re doing so much already.”

“Am I though?”

I nod. “Literally, just being here. Or, well, letting me be here, I guess. I don’t know. Just knowing I got something for all of the pain. And that something is you.”

“I’m not worth everything you’ve gone through this weekend,” he tries to argue.

“You are. You’re worth anything. I… I’m just so happy when I’m with you. It’s like nothing else even matters. Nothing else comes close. You’re the best prize.”

He almost snorts. “I’m no prize.”

“You are. Stop talking about yourself like that,” I say, kissing him again. “You _are_ the best prize. I literally don’t care how much shit I have to get through, knowing that you’re waiting on the other end of it makes anything and everything worth it.”

“You don’t have to go through any shit alone, okay?” he says. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. I promise, I’ll go through whatever shit it is with you, okay?”

I smile at him. “And _that_. That right there is why you’re worth it.”

He finally smiles and doesn’t try to argue. He just pulls me down on top of him and reconnects our lips. The next time we’re pulled out of our haze of kissing is because my phone starts vibrating obnoxiously in my pocket. I groan and pull it out. Pilar is calling me. I show him the screen. He shrugs.

I answer the call. “Hey,” I say quietly.

“Victor,” she breathes. “Papi just left.”

“What?”

“He… he packed his things and left.” That’s when I realize she’s crying.

“Are you okay? Is Adrian?”

“Yeah,” she says. I’m unconvinced.

“What happened?”

She takes a deep breath. “They were arguing again. Mami is mad at him for making you leave. She wouldn’t back down, so he told her that he was going to leave, too. And then he did.”

“Where was Adrian?”

“In his room. He got scared when dad starting slamming doors and came in here with me. We’re both just sitting on my bed now.” She swallows. “He asked where you were and I told him I don’t know.”

“Can I talk to him?”

“Uh, yeah, okay,” she says and then I hear her telling Adrian what’s happening as she hands him the phone.

“Victor?” he asks.

“Yeah,” I breathe. “Hey, buddy. Are… are you okay?”

“I’m scared. Where are you?”

“Um, that’s complicated, bud. But I’m okay. I’m safe and you are, too. It’s all going to be okay. I promise.”

“I miss you. And now Papi left, too,” he says and my heart breaks.

I feel tears welling up in the corners of my eyes and glance at Benji. He looks sad, too. He reaches up and takes my face in his hands, running his thumbs under my eyes. “Listen, Adrian, can you give Pilar the phone back now?”

“Okay,” he says, a little deflated. I swallow and hear the phone change hands.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing. I just can’t take him crying.”

“Yeah. This is rough,” she admits. “Where are you, anyway?”

“Uh, right now, I’m at Benji’s house.”

I hear a knock in the background of the call. “Go away!” Pilar says away from the phone.

“Pilar… mi amor, is Adrian in there with you?” my mother’s voice says and then I’m actually crying.

“Yeah. Go away,” my sister repeats.

“Pilar…”

“Mom, just stop, okay. I’m not having this conversation right now.”

“Pilar,” she says again and I can hear the door opening. “Who are you talking to?” she asks. And I can hear my sister panicking.

“No one,” she says at the same moment Adrian says my name. _Shit_.

“Give me the phone,” my mom says with a shaking voice.

“No,” Pilar says.

“Just give her the phone,” I say with a sigh.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, just… I don’t want you getting in trouble, too. Give her the phone.”

I hear the phone changing hands and I look down at Benji again. He looks panicked. I shake my head slightly and I swear he’s about to start crying too as he reaches a hand toward my face again.

“Victor,” my mom says quietly.

“Hola, Mami,” I breathe out.

“Victor, where are you?”

“Uh, that doesn’t matter.”

She sighs. “Are you safe?”

“I am.”

“Okay. You can come home, you know.”

“I don’t think I can, Mami. I don’t think I can.”

“You father left,” she says. I don’t answer. “I never wanted you to leave.”

“But you let me. And you agreed with him.”

“I… I didn’t have a choice,” she admits.

“What do you mean? Of course, you did.”

“I needed your brother and sister to be safe,” she says. “I couldn’t go against him.”

“You took my phone,” I remind her. “He wasn’t even there.”

“I took your phone, because I knew he’d be angry.”

“ _You_ were angry.”

“I was scared, mijo. I still am.”

“Why?” She doesn’t answer. “Mom,” I breathe when I realize. “Was dad…was he hurting you? Did he do something to you?”

“I…”

“Mom, please.”

“He didn’t,” she says finally. “But I thought he might. He was so upset. He was so angry with you. I was afraid he was going to hurt you.”

“He did.”

“What?!?!” she demands.

“Not like that, but he did. You both did,” I say. “Look, I don’t feel comfortable coming home. Not now. But I _am_ safe.”

She swallows. “Mijo. I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah,” I say, biting my lip. “Okay, well, can I talk to Pilar again?”

“I’m sorry,” she says again. “I… I don’t think less of you. I just don’t understand. I love you, mijo. I’ll always love you. No matter what.”

She doesn’t wait for me to respond before I can hear her handing the phone back to Pilar. I’m on the verge of sobbing at this point and Benji must notice, because he sits up and wraps his arms around me, leaning his head against my shoulder. “Vic?”

“Hey,” I breathe. “I… I don’t know what to think of all that, but I can’t come home. Not yet. Not now. Dad could still come back and I don’t trust being in the same house as him right now,” I admit.

“I understand,” she says.

“I’ll… I’ll see you at school tomorrow,” I say.

“Okay,” she says.

“I promise I’ll explain more then. At lunch. Um, please don’t give Mami my phone number. Not yet. I need to figure out what’s going on first. I don’t know if I can trust her.”

She swallows. “I won’t. I wouldn’t.”

“Tell Adrian I love him and… I love you, too, hermana.”

“I love you, Vic,” she says back. “Do you… do you need anything? Anything I can grab and bring to school for you tomorrow?”

“Uh, not that I can think of. I think I’ll be okay for now, but thank you.”

“Of course. Let me know if you think of anything and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I nod. “Yeah, see you tomorrow,” I say. I pull the phone away from my face and end the call. I lean my head against the top of Benji’s. “Thank you,” I whisper to him.

“I didn’t do anything,” he says.

“You did. You’re currently doing it.”

“Huh?”

“Just being the best boyfriend ever,” I say with a smile. “I mean it. I’m… I’m glad I was here when she called. I’m glad I was with you.”

“Me, too,” he says quietly.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated E - Very explicit discussion of sex with some undressing.
> 
> Basically just Benji being objectively the best boyfriend and listening to Victor and making sure they communicate.

We sit there in silence for a long time. Him holding me, our heads resting together. It’s peaceful and calming and I have no idea what I’d do without him. That makes me chuckle.

“Huh?” he asks.

“I was just thinking,” I say. “It’s really dumb.”

“What?”

I turn my head to look at him as he sits up. “I was just thinking that I have no idea what I’d do without you. I can’t imagine that phone call if I was alone.”

“Vic,” he whispers. He leans over and kisses my cheek. “I’ll always be here for you, I promise. I know this is hard. I’m not going to pretend to know what you’re going through right now, but I… I love you, and if you ever need to talk about anything, I’m always up for listening.”

“Thanks,” I say, smiling at him. “Uh, it was funny because Mia recently said something really similar to me. And I guess it’s just a little ironic at this point.” I sigh.

“Are you going to talk to her?”

“I want to,” I say. “But Friday night it didn’t exactly seem like she was up for that.”

He nods. “Give her some time and space and maybe she’ll hear you out.”

I sigh. “I hope so. I do _actually_ like her. She’s my favorite person,” I say without thinking. “Okay, she’s my favorite person other than you.”

He chuckles. “I get it. You spent a lot of time with her. She’s always seemed really nice to me,” he says, shrugging.

My phone buzzes again. I look down at it. A text from Simon. _Still waiting on that message._ I laugh and Benji stares at me. “Simon,” I say.

He tilts his head. “Uh, I might have called you my boyfriend earlier and he sort of freaked out on me, so I told him I’d send him a message later explaining.”

“This was when you were telling him about running into his friends?” I nod. “Do you want to call him?”

I shrug. “I’ll just write him a message later,” I say, typing a quick response. “I’d rather spend time with my boyfriend than talk about him.” I wink and he laughs. I put my phone on Benji’s nightstand and then turn around to face him. “Um, did you want to actually watch a movie or something?” I ask.

He shrugs. “We can, or…” He smirks. “We could just go back to making out all afternoon.”

I laugh. “Yeah, okay,” I say and then I press my lips back to his. We fall back onto the bed, and I lose the ability to think. My hands are on his face and his are on my back.

At some point his hands drop to my waist and I feel his fingers brush against the skin on my lower back under the hem of my shirt. I sigh contentedly into the kiss. He very carefully moves his hands up my back, under my shirt and I shutter at the contact. “I’m sorry,” he says, freezing in place. “Is… Is this okay?”

I nod. “It… it feels nice,” I mumble, pressing my lips back to his as I run a hand through his hair. He smiles against my lips and his fingers start tracing little circles on my back. A minute later, I’m acutely aware of the fact that I’m really turned on right now and when Benji shifts his leg under me, I can’t help the tiny moan that escapes my lips.

“Sorry,” he whispers. “Do you want to stop?” He pulls away to look at me, searching for something I don’t understand.

I try to think clearly, but that seems like it may be a lost cause. “Uh,” I start to say. “No?” _Why would he even suggest that?_

“Is that a question or an answer?”

I squeeze my eyes shut. “An answer.”

“Are you sure? We can stop,” he says, moving one of his hands to my face.

I shake my head and lean into his hand. “No.”

“No, you’re not sure?”

I breathe out a tiny laugh and shift my weight. “Uh, no, I don’t want to stop,” I clarify and try to lean toward his lips.

He smirks at me. “Okay, but I think we need to talk about this first,” he says, bringing his other hand to my face so I can’t get to him. I grumble and he laughs. “Just want to make sure we’re on the same page,” he assures me. I sigh and roll my eyes. “Vic, please, humor me for a minute?”

I slowly nod. “Okay.”

“Thank you,” he says and then he fluidly shifts both of our bodies until he’s sitting up and I’m basically in his lap. I feel my cheeks burning as I realize how obvious the current state of my body is and try to pull the blanket over myself. “Stop,” he says, pulling the blanket back away. “You don’t have to hide things I already know. I could feel that,” he says. “You were against my leg.” I feel my face get even hotter at this realization and he laughs. “You’re so cute when you blush,” he whispers, holding my face in his hand and running his thumb along my cheek bone. “But we do seriously need to talk about this.” He shifts under me and I can feel _him_ against my hip. My eyes go wide and I stare at his face as he smirks. I really want to kiss him, but he won’t let me. “Nope, we’re talking about this first,” he says when I try. I groan.

“Fine, what do you want?”

“Actually, I want to know what _you_ want, Vic.”

“You,” I say and he tilts his head at me. “I want _you_ ,” I clarify.

He chuckles. “Okay. I’ll take that, but I mean…do we have a stopping point?” He asks. “Because… from what you’ve told me in the past…”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “Uh, I mean…”

“Vic, look at me, please,” he whispers. I open my eyes to find his searching my face. “I want you, too,” he says and then he shifts under me again and I watch he tries not to react to the sensation. “If that wasn’t obvious. But I don’t want to… rush you or do something you’re not ready for… and I know you might not be comfortable with the fact that my parents are downstairs, so I just don’t want to do something dumb, okay?” I nod. “So, talk to me,” he pleads. “Please.”

“Okay,” I breathe. “I really want to kiss you right now,” I say.

“I know you do.” He moves his thumb in circles on my cheek.

I sigh. “Right. Um, I don’t really know. I… I thought I wasn’t ready,” I admit. “But… this is so different.” He nods and bites his lip. “I’m… I’m not scared of this like I was with Mia. I… I want this and… I honestly, don’t know what to say.”

He smiles a little. “Okay, how about this, what would you _not_ be comfortable with?”

I try to think rationally, but all I can think about is how much I want to kiss him. “Uh, I don’t really know,” I admit. “I can’t really think of anything.” 

“Nothing?” he asks, biting his lip. “Okay, let’s try this.” He takes a deep breath. “If I told you I wanted to touch you, would that be okay?”

I nod and almost shrug. “More than okay,” I admit.

He smirks. “Okay,” he says and his hand slides to my lap. I inhale sharply. “You’re absolutely sure?” he asks.

I nod. “Yes,” I manage to breath out. His hand brushes over the bulge in my pants and then rests on my hip. I whimper a little and he smirks.

“Take your shirt off,” he says. I don’t even stop to ask why. I reach over my head and grab the collar of my shirt and pull it off, throwing it on the floor. I look back at him and he’s biting his lip and smirking at me. I raise an eyebrow.

“Yours, too,” I whisper. He laughs, but complies. I put my hands against his chest and run them down to his abs. “You're so fucking hot.”

He smirks and says, “So are you.” The hand on my hip moves up my side.

“Can we go back to kissing now?” I plead and try to lean toward him.

He shakes his head and leans away. “You said nothing,” he says. “Gotta make sure you actually thought of everything I want to do to you.” He winks and I feel my face heating up. “Stop that,” he jokes. I raise an eyebrow. “You’re… you’re too sexy sitting in my lap with your shirt off, blushing like that,” he says. “I can’t handle it.”

I giggle and try to lean toward him again, but he leans away. “Nope, not yet,” he says. I groan again. “Soon,” he whispers, running his thumb over my lips. “Um, so I don’t actually know how much you know about anything else,” he says quietly, searching my face.

“Uh…” I realize he’s right and I don’t know how to explain to him.

“Vic, come on, talk to me here,” he pleads, squeezing my side in his hand. “I’d really like to get back to kissing you, but I’m not going to do that until I’m absolutely sure we both know where this going.”

I take a huge breath and let out a sigh. “Okay,” I say quietly, reaching for his face. “You’re so beautiful,” I say before I can help myself and he chuckles. I shake my head. “Uh, well… I, um…” He raises and eyebrow and I feel my face heating up again. “I’ve, uh, watched some things.” He chuckles and raises his eyebrows suggestively. “Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything,” he notes.

I take a loud breath and exhale a chuckle. “True. Uh, I want to… I want to try… everything,” I manage to say. “Maybe not today though,” I add, glancing at the door. “Um, but some day…”

He smirks at me. “What do you want today?” he asks.

“I really want to get back to kissing you,” I say.

He chuckles. “Well, I know that much. What else? Or is that all we’re doing today?”

“Uh…”

“I’m fine with whatever you say, Vic,” he says reassuringly. “It doesn’t make a difference to me. I’m just happy to have you here. Though, I definitely wasn’t done kissing you.”

“Can we… can we start with more kissing and just see what happens?” I ask.

He nods. “Is there anything you don’t want to happen?”

I squeeze my eyes shut again. “Maybe not…uh… I mean… no actual sex today.”

He chuckles and nods. “Does that mean I can take those pants off?”

I feel my face burning again, but nod. “Uh, yeah, but you first.”

He nods. “Okay. Off my lap then.”

I try to move carefully. My pants are way too tight. As soon as I’m off of him, he undoes the button on his jeans and wiggles around until he has them off. I hear him breathe a sigh of relief once they’re around his thighs, and I can’t stop staring. He drops his jeans on the floor and looks at me. “You’re staring,” he says. I quickly look away and he laughs. “You’re allowed,” he adds. “But, uh, can I?” he asks, reaching for my waist. I look at his face and he’s so fucking hot I can’t handle it. “Please?”

I nod and take a deep breath. “Yeah.”

He undoes the button on my jeans and swallows audibly. “You’re completely sure this is okay?” he asks, looking up at my face.

I nod. “Yeah,” I breathe with a smile. He smiles back and then he pulls my pants over my hips. I groan when I’m finally free from the restrictive material and he smirks at me as he pulls my jeans the rest of the way off and drops them on the floor.

Before I can even register what’s happening, his hands are both on my hips and he pulls me back toward him until I’m lying on top of him and then he presses his lips to mine. “Mmm, where were we?” he asks.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated E - Straight up sex happening here.
> 
> Okay the smut is getting away from me and I'm sorry, but they're teenagers and teenagers are horny. It's just a known fact.

One of his hands is on the back of my neck and the other is pressed flat in the small of my back. Our mouths never stop. My hands start on his shoulders, but they’re quickly tangled in his hair. He shifts his hips and we both moan into each other’s mouths at the sensations that causes. He smirks at me for a second and then both of his hands slide down my back and he grabs my ass roughly through my boxer briefs. “Oh!” I practically shout.

“Shhhh,” he whispers, capturing my lips in his. “This is okay, right?”

I almost laugh. “Yeah. I just… wasn’t prepared.”

He chuckles. “Okay.” We’re still kissing, but he pulls my hips down on his roughly while lifting his up into mine. I’ve never felt anything this exhilarating in my life.

“Fuck,” I mumble.

“I thought we agreed we weren’t doing that today?” he says with a smirk.

“We’re not, just… _God_.”

He chuckles and moves his hands to my hips. He nibbles on my lip for a second and then throws me off of him onto my back. The action shakes his bed and causes the headboard to noisily bump against the wall. “Oops,” he mumbles. And then he’s hovering over me. Knees next to my hip; one hand on either side of my shoulders. I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck to pull his lips down to mine. He pushes his forehead against mine without connecting our lips. “Hi,” he whispers.

“Hi,” I whisper back, straining for his lips. He swings one of his legs over my body so he has one knee on either side of my hips. He collapses downward on top of me, finally connecting our lips. I don’t ever want to stop kissing him, but it’s getting even harder to think every time he moves his hips against mine. I practically growl when he pulls his lips away; my hands now knotted in his hair. He smirks at me and then kisses my cheek before placing a long string of wet kisses along my jaw line and down my neck until there’s one that makes me moan. He lifts his head and smirks at me. In any other circumstance, I’m pretty sure I would be embarrassed by the noises coming out of my mouth, but right now all I can think about is Benji and how much I want him. I want every part of him.

His lips reconnect with the spot on my neck a second later and he does this thing with his teeth and tongue that results in another moan. I’m pretty sure there’s going to be a bruise there tomorrow, but I couldn’t care less right now. He starts kissing across my collar bone and then straight down the center of my chest. His hands move from my shoulders down over my torso as he inches his body backwards. When he moves far enough that I lose the friction of his hips against mine, I whine a little. He glances up and smirks at me again. “Be patient,” he says. “It’ll be worth it.” I nod. He places a kiss at the bottom of my sternum and then his tongue traces down the center of my abs. That’s a new sensation and I’m not sure what to do with myself. My hands automatically reach for him and thread through his hair. “Do you like that?” he asks, lifting his head to look at me. I nod. “I’ll remember that,” he says before ducking down again. He places a string of kisses along the elastic band of my underwear and then slowly hooks his forefingers under the fabric by my hips. “Can I?” he asks looking up at me.

I swallow hard and look down at him. The way he’s looking at me does something to my ability to think and I can feel myself twitch. I don’t think I could say no to that face if I tried, so I nod and breathe out, “Yes.” He smiles at me and then very slowly starts to pull my underwear down. I lift my butt off the bed slightly as he wiggles the fabric back and forth. He stops after a moment.

“No sex,” he promises, looking up at me again. “But I really want to suck you off. Is that okay?”

I’ve spent a lot of time fantasizing about this if we’re being completely honest and I’ve tried to imagine what that was actually going to feel like and here I am about to find out. “Please,” I say quietly. He smiles up at me again and then pulls my underwear the rest of the way off, adding them to the pile of my clothes on the floor next to his bed. He crawls back up over my legs, his knees now between them. He runs each of his thumbs along the crevice where my legs join my pelvis and then bends down. He kisses each of my hip bones and then I feel the most amazing sensation I’ve felt in my entire life.

His tongue trails down my completely hard dick, from against my body to the tip, pausing at the end to flick back and forth. Unable to control myself, I groan loudly. “Shhhh,” he whispers.

“Sorry,” I whisper back. “I… I’ve just been imaging this for so long,” I confess. “And… HOLY FUCK!” I feel his lips vibrate from where they’re now tightened around the head of my dick. I feel my eyes roll into the back of my head and I have no idea how to form words. One of his hands is doing something with my balls that I’ve never experienced before and the other is wrapped around the base of my cock as his head starts to bob up and down. I can’t watch anymore because I can’t even lift my head from the pillow. I ball the blankets into my fists at my sides and groan again, trying to be mindful of my volume, but I have no idea if I’m actually succeeding with that. He doesn’t shush me again, so I think that bodes well, but that’s all the further thinking can go right now.

A few seconds later there’s a little popping noise and I feel his mouth leave me. I whine and he chuckles before his hands starts moving up and down instead. “You’re not going to last long, are you?” he asks, tilting his head at me. I try to look at him, but my eyes roll back into my head again. He chuckles. “I’ll take that as a no,” he says and then I feel his lips wrap around my cock again and groan. His lips vibrate slightly as he moves up and down and he’s doing something with his tongue that feels amazing. I can feel the myself getting close to the edge and I think I’m supposed to warn him.

“Uh,” I try to say. He slows down and I try to lift my head and look at him. He meets my eyes and raises his eyebrows as his tongue swirls around the tip. “I’m gonna… like… soon,” I say. I don’t even know if I’m making sense, but he smiles and winks at me and starts moving his head again. I barely make it another ten seconds, but he doesn’t stop until I’m well over the edge.

I manage to open my eyes in time to see him sit back on his knees. He meets my eyes and swallows visibly. Before crawling out from between my legs and back up next to me. “I really want to kiss you, but I don’t know if you’re okay with… after… some people…”

“Shut up and kiss me,” I say. And he does. I love kissing him. It’s probably my favorite thing I’ve ever done. Other than maybe what happened right before this kiss. That was definitely my favorite thing. It suddenly dawns on me after kissing him for a minute that he’s still wearing underwear and probably a bit uncomfortable. I try to steady my brain, to just _do this_ , because I want to do this, but I’m so scared I’m going to fuck it up. I manage to manipulate our bodies so that he’s on his back and I’m half on top of him, our lips still connected. I run my hand down his torso and then put the end of my fingertip under the waistband of his underwear and run it the whole from one hip to the other. “Your turn,” I whisper, pulling away from the kiss.

“You don’t have to,” he starts to say.

“Shush,” I tell him. “I want to.”

“Okay,” he agrees, nodding once. “But, you don’t have to at all and you definitely don’t have to do what I did.”

“I want to,” I say again, meeting his eyes.

“I know.”

I smirk at him and then resituate myself so that I’m kneeling next to his hip. “I really have no idea what I’m doing,” I admit. “But I want to try.”

He smiles at me. “It’s okay, Vic. Like I said, you don’t have to.”

“Benji. I… I _really_ want to. I’m just scared I’m going to fuck something up.”

“You won’t. Not today,” he says with a wink. And _oh my God_ I can feel my face burning. Is everything I say an innuendo now? “You’re not going to do anything wrong,” he says, putting his hand on the side of my face. “I don’t think anything _you_ do could be wrong, to be fair. The fact that it’s you is all that matters to me.” I think that makes me feel a little better. I sigh and lean down to kiss him again. He chuckles when I pull away and then bites his lip. “These underwear _are_ getting a little uncomfortable,” he says with a wink.

I take a deep breath and hook my index fingers into his underwear at his hips. He digs his heels into the bed and lifts his butt up and I pull his boxers off. I throw them haphazardly toward his pile of clothes and then my eyes rake over his body, pausing there to take in all of him. “Wow,” I breathe. I glance back at his face and he’s smiling at me. “Um,” I start to say. “So…”

He tilts his head. “Do you want me to tell you what to do?” he asks. “Would that help?”

“Uh, yeah, I think so,” I admit.

“Okay, here,” he says, opening his arms toward me. “Come sit next to me.” I tilt my head at him. That seems counterproductive. “I know what you’re thinking,” he says. “Just come here, please.” He makes grabby hands at me and I can’t help but laugh and comply. I lean forward so that I’m on all fours and put my right arm across his body as I crawl back toward him. I kiss him and he laughs a little. “Okay, sit,” he says. He puts his left hand on my right shoulder and pushes me back so I’m sitting next to him. He wraps his right arm around my shoulders and pulls me as close to him as possible before grabbing my right wrist in his left hand. “Touch me,” he says quietly pulling my hand toward his dick. “Start with that,” he adds. “Then you can decide what you want to do, okay?”

I lean my head against his shoulder and allow him to drop my hand on his lower abdomen. I bite my lip, trying to hide my face from him. I feel him lean his head against mine. “It’s okay,” he whispers. “I promise.” I sigh and very carefully move my hand downwards. I wrap my hand around him and he moans a little. I start trying to stroke him, gently. He nuzzles his head against the top of mine. “You don’t have to be so careful,” he says.

“I… I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Do you hurt yourself?” he asks. I don’t respond, but realize he’s right, so act instead. “That’s what I thought,” he mumbles before groaning a little. After a few seconds, he reaches his own hand down and starts playing with his balls, humming next to me.

I sit up and move back to my knees, watching his face as he watches me curiously. “Can I?” I say, my left hand trying to replaces his.

“By all means,” he says, dropping his hand back to his side. I scoot further down the bed, continuing to stroke him and play with his balls.

“I want to,” I say, leaning my head toward him.

“Only if you want to,” he reminds me. “What you’re doing is already amazing.”

I keep my eyes on his face and he’s watching me. I can tell he actually doesn’t care either way and somehow that gives me more confidence to do it. I smile at him for a second and then I drop my head and take the tip of his cock into my mouth. _This is weird_. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’m just trying to think about what I felt him doing to me. Those thoughts are actually getting to me even though I already had my turn. I swirl my tongue for a second, trying to think and get myself together. He groans above me and my eyes dart to his face. He groans a little more. “I did _not_ expect this today,” he says quietly. “But holy FUCK, Victor.” I can’t help but chuckle a little. Apparently, I’m doing something right, so I go back to the task at hand. I try to find some kind of rhythm in what I’m doing and it must work because Benji makes a noise that sounds incomprehensibly happy. “Vic, you might wanna,” he says above me, his hand landing on my head. “You do _not_ need to do what I did.” _But I want to_ is all I can think. I want to know what he tastes like which probably sounds weird, but I do. I want to know every part of Benji. Even this part, so I don’t stop. “I’m…I’m really close, Vic… I don’t,” he says. I glance up at him through my eyelashes without stopping and he’s looking at me, so I wink and he throws his head back against the pillow and groans loudly as I feel his cum fill my mouth.

It’s not unpleasant. It’s also nothing like I anticipated. It’s a weird texture. Not as thin as I was thinking. It’s kind of salty, but not in a bad way. I hum a little, trying to collect my thoughts as I remove my mouth from him. I move it around in my mouth a little, trying to make heads or tails of it, but when his eyes meet mine, I swallow hard and lick my teeth. “So,” I say, crawling back toward the top of the bed. “That was fun.”

He chuckles and shakes his head, opening his arms for me to crawl toward him. I collapse into his chest and kiss the bare skin. He starts humming a song I only vaguely recognize. I lift my head to look at him. “What song is that?”

He chuckles. “It’s nothing. Just something that’s been stuck in my head.”

I tilt my head, but let it go, pressing my lips to his briefly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, Benji is 100% humming the slowed down version of "Call Me Maybe" from Battle of the Bands.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated M - Nudity (no graphic descriptions)
> 
> TW: mention of jail time

“We should probably get dressed,” Benji sighs a while later, his head laying against my bare chest as we snuggle together under his blankets.

“Why?”

He chuckles. “It’s almost dinner time.”

“Is it really?” I ask, picking up my phone from the night stand. Sure enough, it’s just after five. “Wow, okay, yeah, I guess we probably should.”

“It’s a shame we never got around to watching anything on Netflix,” he says.

“Is it?” We both laugh hysterically for a few minutes. “Would you be able to take me back to the Spiers’ once we're dressed?”

“Yeah, of course. You _can_ stay for dinner if you want. Though I have no idea what my mom’s making.”

“That’s okay. I don’t think your dad would be interested in that even if your mom did invite me,” I say. “Besides, Emily said they were eating at 5:30 and it sounded a bit like she wanted me to be there.”

He lifts his head and nods at me. “Yeah, alright. Let’s get dressed then.” His kisses my lips briefly and then sits up on the opposite side of the bed and starts pulling his clothes back on.

A few minutes later, we’re both fully clothed and looking in the mirror over Benji’s dresser, trying to fix our hair. He turns to look at me with a little smirk on his face and I look at him, too. “What?”

“How’s my hair?”

“You were literally just looking in a mirror; why are you asking me?”

He chuckles. “Because I care what you think.”

I shake my head and smile at him. “I always love your hair, Benji. Actually,” I say, reaching up and running my hand through it. “I like it better when it’s a little messed up, to be honest.”

“Yeah?” he asks, tilting his head and running his own hand through it.

“Yeah,” I say. “Especially when I’m the reason, it’s messed up,” I add with a wink.

“Well,” he says, wrapping his arms around my waist. “Feel free to mess it up anytime.” I run my hand through his hair again and smile at him before leaning down and capturing his lips in mine. He pulls away too soon and I sigh. “I think we should go before I get sucked into spending the rest of the night kissing you,” he says. “We do have to go to school tomorrow, you know.”

I groan. “Right. School.”

“You are…going to school, right?”

“Uh, yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know. With everything going on. I think people might understand if you didn’t.”

I shake my head. “I don’t think my parents are going to try to do anything while I’m there. Plus… I kind of want to see my sister.”

“Oh, right. Yeah. Okay, so let’s get you back to the Spiers’ then,” he says with a little smile, finally dropping his arms from around me. He grabs my hand in his and leads me down the stairs.

His mom is crossing the hall when we get there. “Dinner’s almost ready,” she says. “If you boys want to eat.”

“Uh, thanks, Mom, but I’m just going to drop Victor off and then I’ll be back and eat with you if that’s okay,” Benji says, pulling me toward the door.

“Of course, honey. We’ll wait for you.”

“You don’t have to,” he says.

“We will,” his mom says.

I see him rolling his eyes, but he doesn’t say anything else until we’re outside by his car. “So, my mom is one hundred percent going to ask me a thousand questions about you over dinner,” he says as he opens the passenger side door and gestures for me to get in.

He closes the door before I can respond. When he opens the driver’s door, he’s looking at me. “And, I guess, we should discuss what you’re okay with my parents knowing about everything going on.”

“Um,” I say as he sits down. “I guess, whatever seems relevant?”

“Are you sure?”

I shrug. “Everyone’s going to find out soon enough,” I say.

He nods. “I was thinking more about your living situation.”

“Oh, uh, yeah. I mean,” I say, shrugging again. “I really don’t care. I guess. What my parents did was… well, it happened, so…”

“Are you sure?” he asks again.

“Yeah, it’s fine. Um. You said your mom’s going to ask you a thousand questions. What’s your dad going to do?”

Benji sighs. “Sit there and try to change the subject, probably. He _really_ does not like even thinking about the whole gay thing.”

“But at least he didn’t kick you out,” I say.

He nods. “There is that. I don’t think my mom would have let him. Especially not with when it happened. She was so worried about me. I had to go to, uh, jail for 24 hours after the trial because of the DUI,” he says. “She flipped shit on the judge, but he explained that the law says he can suspend all but the 24 hours which he’d already done in exchange for my guilty plea.”

“Wow,” I say. “I had no idea.”

“Yeah, there’s a whole mess of things that you get stuck with when you get a DUI before you’re 21. It was quite the learning experience. Enough to make sure I’ll never touch alcohol again, that’s for sure,” he says. He doesn’t look at me, but he extends his hand across the console and I put mine in it, twining our fingers together. “Thanks,” he says after a minute.

“For what?”

He shrugs. “For not being weird about the whole thing,” he says. “Like I told you before, no one really knows, so it feels weird to even talk about it, but you just take everything in and don’t judge me for it. It’s really nice.”

“You got yourself straightened out,” I say. He chuckles. “Pun not intended. And who you are now is amazing, Benji. Why should it matter what mistake you made over a year ago?”

He smiles and squeezes my hand. “You’re amazing,” he says an then he brings our hands to his lips and kisses the back of mine. “But yeah, my mom was really worried about me and I think she tries to make up for it by letting me do whatever I want now.” He shrugs. “I don’t know. She tries to be so invested in my life, but I know it makes her uncomfortable. Especially when I was with Derek, she didn’t like him very much, but she pretended to still be interested, but I could always tell. When I told her that I broke up with him, I swear it’s the happiest I’ve ever seen her,” he says with a chuckle. “I don’t actually know why she hated him so much. Maybe just the fact that he was so much older than me.”

“How old is Derek?” I ask. “Not that it really matters.”

“Uh, he’s 19. He graduated from Creekwood last year. He goes to Georgia State now.”

“So, he was in school with Simon’s sister,” I say.

“Oh, yeah, I guess so. I hadn’t thought of that. I wonder if they know each other.”

“Maybe,” I say and he’s already turning onto their street. “Thank you for today.”

He chuckles. “My pleasure,” he says with a little smirk as he parks in front of their house. “Um, do you want a ride to school tomorrow morning?” he asks, releasing my hand.

“Uh, yeah, that’d be nice,” I say. “It’s a bit further from here than the apartment.”

He nods. “Yeah. I’ll come get you at 7, 7:15?” he says, looking at me.

“Sounds perfect,” I agree and then I lean across the console and kiss him. I open the door and start to get out. “Time to go tell the rest of my life story, I guess,” I say with a sigh. “Oh, and I still need to message Simon before he drives me insane.”

Benji chuckles. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning. Text me,” he says with a wink.

“I will,” I promise. I’m about to shut the door, but lean back in for a second. “I love you.”

He chuckles again. “I love you, too, Vic.” We smile at each other for a second and then I close the door and head toward the house. When I get inside, Jack and Nora are watching TV in the living room and it sounds like Emily must be in the kitchen.

“Oh, hey there,” Jack says, looking up as I close the front door. He quickly gets to his feet and joins me in the hallway. “Victor, I wanted to give you this,” he says, picking something up from the old painted dresser at the bottom of the stairs. I hold out my hand and he drops a gold key into it. “House key,” he says. “In case we’re not here when you get back from school tomorrow or whatever.”

“Oh, uh, yeah,” I say. “Thank you. I, um, work after school tomorrow, so I won’t be back until after 7. And I actually might stay there to work on homework and hang out with Benji. He closes, so it would be more like 9:30 or so… if that’s okay.”

“As long as you’re in by 10 on school nights,” he says. “Um, will you need a ride to school tomorrow?"

“Uh, Benji’s actually going to come get me in the morning."

Just then Emily pokes her head into the hallway from the kitchen. “Dinner!” she says with a smile. “Hey, Victor, welcome back! Did you have a good day with Benji?”

“I did,” I say as I walk toward the kitchen. “It was a really good day all things considered.”

“Glad to hear it,” she says as we all walk into the kitchen.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated T
> 
> Victor's retelling of the rest of S1 (episodes 7-10) up until he and Pilar arrive home.

I sit down at the table with Jack. Nora joins us a minute later and Emily sits down with a glass of water. Then they just start eating. _Oh_. My face must display my confusion because Emily looks at me with her head tilted. “What’s wrong, Victor?”

“Uh, nothing. I just. My family always says grace before meals.”

“Do you… do you want to? We’re, uh, not religious,” Emily says. “But if it would make you feel more comfortable…”

“No. No. It’s fine. I, uh, I don’t really know how I feel about the whole religion thing anymore. I mean. The Catholic church doesn’t exactly… well, let’s just say, I don’t think I’d be welcome there anymore.”

Emily nods. “I have a friend… she specializes in adolescents with trauma, especially religious trauma. I can…”

“Maybe, but not right now. I just want to try to figure out my life first. Before I start trying to deal with everything. I…”

“I know you have a lot going on. Just let me know if you want me to reach out…”

“Okay,” I say. “Um, this is really good,” I say, taking a bit of the macaroni and cheese.

“That was actually Nora’s doing,” she says and Nora blushes.

“We’ve been working on cream sauces and I wanted to try…”

“It’s really good,” I assure her. “My, uh, mom doesn’t really make this kind of stuff. She mostly makes Puerto Rican dishes and some Colombian things…or we order pizza,” I say quietly.

Emily nods solemnly. “It must be hard for you,” she says.

I shrug. “It is, but it’s not. I’m safer here than I’d be at home. It’s worth it. I don’t have to hide or pretend anymore.”

“You are definitely safe here,” she says. “Um, did you want to finish what you were telling us this morning? I think it might help.”

I nod. “I can.” I try to remember where I’d left off. “Where was I?”

“I believe you said you almost missed your curfew because you were hanging out with Benji after you both had unsuccessful dates?”

“Right,” I say. “Um, that was a couple weeks ago. When I went to school the next day, Mia told me that her dad was hosting some sort of university fundraiser on Saturday and of course, I agreed to go with her. Everything was back to normal. Everything was fine.”

They all sort of collectively sigh and raise their eyebrows at me and I chuckle. “It didn’t last long,” I confirm. “I was supposed to work a morning shift on Saturday. Before Mia’s dad’s thing, but when I got there the espresso machine was broken and Sarah was already on the phone with the repair guy. But he’s in… Willacoochee.”

“Yikes. That’s a hike,” Jack says.

“Yeah. Um, Sarah’s original game plan was that she and Benji would go take the machine and leave me to man the shop, but Benji convinced her that she should stay and we would go. After promising we’d get back in time for Mia’s thing and saying he couldn’t handle another trip out there with Sarah.”

Nora is laughing. “And you had no idea he liked you?”

“Shut up,” I whine through laughter. “He had a boyfriend.”

She rolls her eyes. “Okay, so you went to Willacoochee with Benji…”

I nod. “I went to Willacoochee with Benji,” I confirm, “and that’s when everything went to hell in a handbasket.” I take a deep breath. “We got out there and Wally… the repair guy told us it was indeed broken and that he couldn’t’ rush the repair. I told him to call us when it was done and gave him my number. Which left Benji and I with a few hours to kill in the middle of nowhere.”

Nora wiggles her eyebrows suggestively and I roll my eyes at her. “Yeah, so he said that if we got tight on time, we could go straight to Mia’s and I told him Mia’s thing was super fancy and I couldn’t wear what I had on. We ended up a thrift store. Um, I was trying on every suit that was remotely my size and he was trying on random stuff and it was honestly the best afternoon I’ve ever had. It was like nothing else mattered. Uh, eventually Sarah called Benji and told him that if the machine wasn’t done we were supposed to spend the night so we could bring it back as soon as it was done in the morning.”

“But Mia,” Nora says and I nod.

I sigh. “Then starts the embarrassing trail of disaster. Wally called right after that and told me the machine was done.”

“Oh, well, that’s good right?”

“Sure, but I lied. I told Benji it wasn’t done and that we’d have to stay and then I called Mia and told her I wasn’t going to make it to her dad’s party.”

Everyone’s eyes are wide and they’re staring at me. “Why?” Emily asks.

“Because I was having such a good time with Benji and I didn’t want it to be over. It was dumb. Probably the second dumbest thing I’ve ever done.”

“Second dumbest?” Jack asks.

“We’ll get to the first,” I say. “In fact…” I take another deep breath and let it out with a sigh. “Um, so… we got a cheap hotel room. There was very awkwardly only one bed,” I say and everyone raises their eyebrows. “I volunteered to sleep on the floor. Benji insisted there was enough room and that the floor was gross. We were talking, just sitting on the bed, and then he decided we should sleep and rolled over to turn the light out. Then I did the actual stupidest thing I’ve ever done and kissed him.”

“He had a boyfriend,” Jack says.

“Yep.”

“And you were still with Mia,” he continues.

“Yep.”

“Wow.”

“Like I said. The stupidest thing I’ve ever done. Um, he pushed me off after a second of shock and I ran into the hallway like a child and cried the rest of the night. We didn’t speak once on the entire drive back. Dropped off the machine and went home.”

“But he’s your boyfriend now?” Emily asks.

“He is. That’s complicated,” I say and take another bite of the macaroni and cheese.

“Well,” Emily says a minute later. “We’re waiting. What happened next?”

“I told a lot more lies to a lot more people. Bought a bus ticket and went to New York.”

“Victor!” Emily says exasperated.

“To see Simon,” I add.

“Victor,” she says again.

“I know. That was dumb, too. But not the top two. Probably not even the top five if I’m being fair. Anyway. While I was on the bus, Simon told me he wasn’t there. That was the weekend of his cousin’s bachelor party I guess? But he sent Bram to get me from the bus. Uh, I met their roommates, too.”

“They’re all so nice,” Emily says fondly. “But you really should _not_ have done that.”

“I know. I know. It’s funny because my parents don’t even know about that part.”

“Where did you tell them you were?”

“I made a fake permission slip for a basketball trip to Georgia Tech.”

Emily puts her face in her hand. She sighs. “And your friends that knew the rest of the team wasn’t gone? Where did they think you were?”

“Boys’ trip with my dad.”

“Okay. Okay. I’m not your mother. I…”

“Don’t worry. Um, if she ever gets the chance to find out about this and is in a position to do such I’m sure I’ll be grounded for a very long time.”

“Anyway. Bram took me to play basketball with the gay league he’s in. And it was amazing. Um, then they all took me to this all ages gay club. There was a drag show and Simon eventually came back from Jersey and gave me his jacket.”

“I thought that thing looked familiar,” Emily says.

“Yeah. He said Bram was threatening to burn it if he ever wore it again.”

The all chuckled. “He hates that thing so much,” Nora says. “But Simon loved it.”

“Yeah, so when I got back to Atlanta, it was the middle of the night. No one was awake when I got home. But I couldn’t sleep. I got up really early and walkie-talkied Felix.”

“ _Walkie-Talkied?!?!”_ Nora asks, laughing maniacally.

“He’s an odd person. We, uh, he lives right above my family. And he gave me this ancient walkie-talkie literally 30 seconds after we pulled up. I asked him why we couldn’t just text and he asked me where my sense of _whimsy_ was.”

“He’s strange,” Nora says.

“Yeah, but he’s my best friend. He’s also pretty cool. Anyway, so I asked him to come outside. And we sat on this little wall outside the building and I told him. I told him that I like guys and I told him that I kissed Benji and that I needed to tell Mia. He was, um, really cool about it actually. He’s kind of the greatest, but yeah…”

“Wow. That’s huge. What made you do it?” Emily asks.

“Um. Simon. And New York. I mean. Once I kissed Benji I knew I was lying to myself thinking things would ever work with Mia. Kissing him was on an entirely different playing field than kissing her. Even if it was only for a few seconds. I couldn’t keep denying it.” I look at them and they’re all smiling softly and nodding at me. “Uh, then we went to school. Felix told me that Lake finally told Mia about them hooking up. I asked Mia if I could come over after school. And she agreed. I… I wanted her to have privacy when I told her,” I say, shrugging. “But that didn’t work out so well.”

“What happened?” Emily asks, sympathetically.

“We’ll get there. But, uh, first I went to work after school and Benji was in the back room, packing his things from his locker. I tried to apologize. He wouldn’t listen. He said he didn’t want to lose his relationship with Derek and when I kissed him it put him in a tough spot. Which yeah…”

“Oh, Victor, honey,” Emily says. “But it all worked out.”

“It did. I, um, just… at the time it was bad. He said that the thought of working with me everyday made him feel guilty and that he knew he didn’t do anything wrong, but it was all just… it was a mess. And… when he left he said it was best if we just stayed out of each other’s way. And it was like my whole world crashed in around me. So, I did what I always do when things go to shit and messaged Simon.” I freeze when I realize what I said. “I, uh, I’m sorry for swearing.”

“What did Simon tell you?” Emily asks.

“He gave me some really good advice,” I say. “He told me how he made a public apology to his friends when he messed up and said I didn’t have to do that, but that I should try to do something to help Benji understand. I ended up writing him a letter. I… That was also a bad idea, actually, because my sister found it, but that’s later.”

“Simon’s a smart cookie,” Emily says. “Communication is the most important thing in any relationship. Romantic or otherwise. A letter was a really _good_ idea.”

I close my eyes and nod. “Anyway, um, I went home and changed and then went to Mia’s. She made homemade sushi. It was actually kind of amazing. Um, but just as I was about to tell her… her dad and his girlfriend got home. Early. They were supposed to be at a concert, so we thought we still had a few hours.”

“Oh yikes,” Nora says.

“Yeah, um, and they dropped a couple bombshells of their own which made mine seem a little selfish, so I didn’t tell her. I, uh, decided I’d wait until after the dance and tell her on Saturday morning, but…that didn’t exactly work out either.” I sigh and don’t look at them. I don’t need the disappointed faces. “When I got home, my parents were arguing. We found out that my dad apparently beat up his boss after my mom slept with him and got himself fired and that’s why we actually moved to Atlanta.”

“Oh my God,” Emily says. “Victor, that’s terrible.”

“Yep. Um, that night is when Pilar found the letter to Benji because it was still in my pocket and she was looking for my wallet while I was in the shower,” I say, rolling my eyes. “When I got to school in the morning, I put the letter in Benji’s locker. Um, I told Felix I didn’t tell Mia because of her dad’s news.”

“What was her dad’s news?” Jack asks.

“Oh, uh…his girlfriend is pregnant and they’re getting married.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Mia’s always been an only child and her mom abandoned the on her 12th birthday. Uh, she… she’s scared that this means her dad’s abandoning her, too. I tried to talk to her and she said she didn’t know what she’d do without me. I guess she’s figuring that out now,” I say with a sigh. “Lake turned Felix down when he asked her to the dance. She didn’t want to be seen publicly with him. She said it was social suicide.”

“Jesus Christ. I mean I know the kid’s weird, but who says that?” Nora asks.

“Yeah… um, anyway, so we all took pictures at my apartment before the dance. Me and Mia; Felix and this girl Wendy that asked him that morning; and Lake and Kieran who is on the basketball team with me. Which I _still_ don’t know how that happened. Um, but yeah… so everything was fine until we got to the dance. Lake pulled Mia away because she needed to ‘take a break form Kieran’.” I take a deep breath. “While I was standing there alone. I saw Benji and Derek.”

“Wait. Is that Derek that graduated with me?” Nora says suddenly.

“Uh, yeah. I was actually going to ask you about that. We just realized earlier that you two would have been in the same grade. Do you know him?”

“We had a couple classes together. He always seemed like a real jerk,” she says.

“He... is,” I say. “Um, yeah. Anyway. Uh, I kind of panicked when Benji met my eyes and went to the bathroom. I was standing at the sink, splashing myself with cold water, trying to calm down when he came and found me.”

“Awwwwww,” Nora and Emily coo together.

“Not yet,” I say. “Um, he said he forgave me, but that it didn’t change anything because he had a boyfriend and that meant he needed to stay away from me.” Their faces fall. “Um, when he left the bathroom, I was still a little in shock and that only got worse when Andrew came out of one of the stalls.”

“Wait.”

“Yeah, he heard Benji saying I kissed him.”

“Shit,” Nora says. “Sorry,” she corrects, glancing at her parents. Emily nods.

“I tried to get Andrew to listen to me, but he wouldn’t. And as soon as we got back into the dance, Mia drug me onto the dancefloor. Um, I danced with her for awhile and then Felix came over… in the middle of a slow song and asked Mia if he could cut in. We were both confused, but she shrugged and let him. We didn’t dance.” I swallow. “He asked me if I’d written Benji a letter and when I told him I did, he told me that Pilar had found it and that he’d messed up and mentioned the work trip and then he’d seen her talking to Benji and Derek. I still need to get the full story of what happened, because definitely didn’t know it was about Benji. She was probably trying to figure out who it was.”

“Wow,” Nora says.

“Yep. Anyway. Um, I saw Benji and Derek arguing across the room and my heart kind of sank knowing that it was because of me. Um, but I made Andrew go into the hallway with me and explained to him that I was going to tell Mia the next day. He said he wouldn’t tell anyone and then because my night couldn’t possibly get any worse. Derek and Benji came into the hallway behind us. I don’t even remember what they were saying, but it was obvious enough what it was about, so Andrew went back into the dance and left me with them,” I say.

“That’s a lot,” Emily says quietly.

“Oh, yeah, and we’re not done.”

She swallows and says, “Okay. What happened next?”

“I told Derek that he would be stupid to walk away from Benji and that Benji didn’t tell him and changed work locations to get away from me because he didn’t want to mess up their relationship. Um, I said some other stuff, too, but honestly, I don’t really remember. I was in a bit of a daze. I told them I’d stay out of their way and went outside. I sat down on a bench and tried to get myself together.”

“I guess your speech didn’t win Derek over?” Nora asks.

“Actually, that’s not what happened. Um. I don’t know the full story, but a little later, Benji came and found me again… on the bench and sat down. He told me that _he_ broke up Derek." Emily and Nora gasp. "And that their relationship wasn’t actually that great. Um, Derek made him feel really anxious and bad and didn’t like doing any of the same things,” I say and then shrug and shake my head. “And then we kissed again." Emily awws. "And I told him I was going to tell Mia the next day and that I was ready to come out and we kissed again. Uh, then I left him and went back into the dance to find Mia. But I was too late. She was already leaving… with Andrew… in tears.”

Nora and Emily are gaping at me. Jack coughs a little. “Did he tell her?” he asks.

I shake my head. “Nope. Worse. She saw us kissing. I guess she must have come looking for me and just my bad luck,” I say. “I followed them outside. I tried to apologize to Mia. To explain, but she wouldn’t listen and they left. My sister found me then and asked if Mia had found out and I told her that I wanted to tell her but not there, so we went home.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated T
> 
> TW: Recounting of homophobia (not actively happening)
> 
> The rest of Victor's explanation to Simon's parents and sister and then his explanation to Simon and the New York crew over the phone.

Everyone is staring at me. And I look down at my plate, taking another bite of macaroni. When I look up again, they’re still staring. “So, you went home and told your parents?” Emily asks.

“That was my plan,” I say. “Um, when we got there, our parents were sitting on the couch waiting. I told them I wanted to tell them something, and they said they wanted to tell us something, too.” Everyone is a little confused. “They asked us to sit down and we did. Then they told us they were separating.”

“Oh my God,” Emily says again.

“Yeah, uh, so I decided it wasn’t the night and excused myself to bed. But my mom asked what I was going to tell them. I… I said ‘nothing’ at first, but then I thought about Benji and I thought about some things Simon had told and I knew there wasn’t ever going to be a perfect time to do this, so I turned around and I told them. I said the words, ‘I’m gay,’ out loud for the first time in my life. No one said anything at first. They all just kind of stared at me. And then Pilar put two and two together and realized the letter was about Benji. I told her I’d explain later. My parents were hurt and confused, just like I expected them to be.”

“Oh, honey,” Emily says. “What did they say to you?”

I take a deep breath. “Uh, my dad kept trying to say that I wasn’t. I tried to tell him that I was. I tried so many different ways of explaining, but he wouldn’t… he wouldn’t listen. And then he blamed Benji and Derek.”

Everyone looks incredulous. “What?”

“Yeah, um.” I sigh. “My dad told me I had to find a new job… because of Benji. I told him that Benji had transferred locations, because at that point he had. He asked when and why and I told him.”

“What did you tell him?” Emily asks.

“I… I told them that I kissed Benji and he freaked out. Hard. He told me to go to my room, so I did. I… I didn’t want to deal with it anymore. Um, Pilar followed me and I told her everything. The kiss with Benji and failing to tell Mia and everything that happened at the dance. And just as I was finishing telling her, Felix walkie-talkied, so… apparently Mia and I won King and Queen of the dance.”

“Really?” Nora asks.

“Yeah.”

“But you’re sophomores.”

“Yeah,” I say. “I thought it was weird, too, but we did. And Lake apparently went up to accept for Mia and told Felix to come accept for me. Professed her love or something and they kissed in front everyone. So… you know, at least someone had a good night.”

“You got to kiss Benji,” Nora reminds me.

“Yeah, there is that. Anyway, um. I told Felix I’d talked to him in the morning and pulled out my phone. I had told Benji I’d call him on Saturday, but I asked him if he was still awake. He called me and we talked for a little... until my mom caught me on the phone. Um,” I say, closing my eyes. “She asked who it was and I told her.”

“The one time you should probably lie and you don’t,” Nora says.

I chuckle a little. “Uh, yeah. By that point I was so tired of the lying and hiding. I just couldn’t do it anymore, so I told her and she made me hang up and then took my phone. Um, I got my laptop out to check if Simon had messaged me back. He had. Um, I told him about everything that happened and I didn’t sleep,” I say.

“So, how did this all happen?” Emily asks and I know what she’s asking about.

“Um, yesterday morning, I got up and made pancakes for everyone. That’s sort of what I do. I’m my family’s fixer. My pancakes are magic or something,” I say, chuckling. “Not this time though. “Breakfast was awkwardly silent. No one spoke and then my parents sent Adrian to his room and had Pilar do the the dishes while they sat me down in the living room.” I close my eyes. “I’m sorry,” I say as I can feel tears welling in my eyes. “This is really hard to think about.”

Emily nods slowly. “I understand. If you need some time…”

I blink a few times. “No. You should know,” I say finally. “Uh, they told me they were going to block Benji’s number and everything except texting and calling from my phone. They told me I was only allowed to leave the apartment for school, work, and basketball. And my mom said she was taking me to church so we could ‘talk to Father Gonzalez about this’.” I swallow and look up at them. They all look so sad; it hurts my heart. “Um, then they said, I had to give them my laptop, too, and that I could only use it for schoolwork and only when they were home.” I heavy a heavy sigh. “I told them ‘no’ and my dad said that if I didn’t give them my laptop I could get out of his house and never come back. I picked that option,” I say finally.

Emily sniffles. “Oh, sweetheart,” she says and then she’s getting up from her chair and coming over to me. She puts her arms around my shoulders. “I’m so proud of you for standing up for yourself, Victor. That’s a very hard thing to do,” she says. I’m crying now and I hug her back for a minute.

When she backs away, I give her a tentative smile. “Um, yeah, so I packed as many clothes as I could and took my suitcase to Felix’s before I went to work. After work, I told Benji everything and we went to Target to get a phone and then I told Simon and well, you know the rest of the story,” I say. “So, yeah. That’s why I’m here.”

“Do you think you can talk to your parents?” she asks as she walks back to her chair.

“Not yet. Not now. I’m not ready for that.”

She nods. “Okay. I can understand that. You can stay here as long as you need to.

“Thank you. Um, I did talk to my sister earlier.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Um… my dad apparently moved out today.”

“Oh,” she says. “You did say they were separating.”

I nod. “Uh, I guess, my mom is saying that she never wanted me to leave and that she was just scared of my dad, but I don’t think I can believe that. Not now. Not yet. I mean… she’s the one that took my phone and did a lot of the talking yesterday, so…” I say, shrugging. “We’ll see. For right now, I just want to focus on getting a little distance and perspective and trying to figure out how to get Mia to listen to me. Because, I really like her. She’s like my favorite person… other than Benji.”

They all nod at me. “That sounds like a good place to start,” Emily says. “If you do decide you want to talk to someone.”

“I know,” I tell her. “Probably, just… not right now. It’s… it’s too much and I just want to take one thing at a time. I’m… I’m a little overwhelmed.”

She nods “Okay.”

We go back to eating for a few minutes before Jack clears his throat. “Uh, Victor,” he says and I look up at him. “I wanted to talk to you about something.” I raise and eyebrow. “Um, I don’t know if Simon told you that I’m a lawyer.”

“He didn’t, but...” I say, shrugging. I have no idea where this is going.

“I do criminal defense, but I was talking to a friend at my firm who works in family law. Um, I didn’t give her any specifics or anything, but I wanted to make sure I understood this before I talked to you,” he says. “Um, you’re a minor… so, your parents technically, legally, have control of and access to you. And that includes things like school and medical and a lot of other stuff.”

“Not mental health, though,” Emily chimes in. “Age of consent for mental health treatment is fourteen. If you want to talk to someone, your parents don’t even have to know,” she assures me.

“Right,” Jack says. “Anyway. I just wanted to make sure you feel safe… uh, going to school and… being places where your parents could potentially get you back. I mean, technically if they got law enforcement involved, we’d have to send you home. You do understand that, right?”

I nod. “Uh, yeah. Um. I don’t think they’d do that. I mean. My dad is the one that told me to leave and… when I talked to my mom earlier…”

“You talked to her?” Emily demands.

I sigh. “Yeah. Um. Pilar called to tell me about my dad leaving, and my mom heard her on the phone. She asked who my sister was talking to. My sister didn’t tell her, but our little brother was there and he didn’t know better. She asked to talk to me and I told Pilar to just give her the phone because I didn’t want my siblings in trouble on top of everything else.” I swallow. “She told me I could come home and she said that she was just scared of my dad. She didn’t want him to hurt me. Um, I guess, after the incident with his boss back in Texas no one is really confident in what he might do. I told her that I wasn’t comfortable coming home yet and she seemed to understand. I don’t think she’d do anything drastic. Especially since she knows Pilar can contact me now.”

“Okay,” Emily says. “That doesn’t sound too bad.”

“No. I just… I don’t know if I trust her yet.”

“I understand,” she says.

I turn back to Jack. He nods. “Well, if you _do_ feel unsafe at any time. Please, let me know and I can get you in contact with the family lawyer. She can help you figure out what next steps you might have available.”

“Thanks,” I say. “I, uh, really appreciate all that y’all are doing for me.”

“It’s really no problem,” Emily says.

I smile a little and then we all finally finish dinner. After dinner I pull out my phone as I’m walking up the stairs. I have a text from Benji. _I hope interrogation round 2 isn’t going horribly. I finally managed to escape my mom’s incessant questioning about you. I think she likes you. I think my dad does, too, actually. [kissy face emoji]_

I smile at that thought. Though I’m not sure I believe him about his dad. _It wasn’t bad, but I’m finally finished with my life story. Simon’s dad’s a lawyer apparently and he was telling me some kind of scary stuff like that my parents could technically get law enforcement to bring me home, I guess? Which I don’t think they’d do that, but still. It’s scary to think that they’d be able to. What makes you think your parents like me (especially your dad)?_

_That is scary. Are you okay?_

_Yeah. Seriously though, why do you think they like me?_

_Because every single answer to my mom’s questions made her light up like a Christmas tree. [laugh-cry emoji] She actually looked happy, not just pretending. Um, and my dad was asking about sports again. I’m not really big on sports and Derek is one of the least athletic people I’ve ever met. I think he was kind of excited that someone who could have an intelligent conversation about sports with him might be spending more time here._

_You know, Jack said something similar earlier. And Bram called Simon painfully unathletic at one point when I was in New York. I guess I’m just the sports guy to all dads now._

_Have you talked to Simon yet?_

_Actually, no. I’m about to though. I’ll talk you after, okay?_

_You can call me if you want._

_I just might._

I flip to my texts with Simon and I’m shocked that he hasn’t asked me again. _Ready for this story?_ I text him.

_All ears. [ear emoji]_

I chuckle. _Do you want me to just call you? It might be funnier._

My phone rings a second later and I laugh as I answer. “I guess that means yes.”

“YES!” Simon says excitedly. “ _Boyfriend_ ,” he emphasizes. “You’re moving pretty fast there, kid. Don’t get ahead of yourself, okay?”

“Yeah,” I say. If he thinks _that’s_ moving fast I probably shouldn’t tell him about today’s activities or words. “Um, okay. Is Bram there, too, or everyone, I guess? That way you won’t have to relay the story when I’m done.”

“Oh my God, you’re brilliant. Give me a second.” I hear a door open and then him calling everyone’s names in the background “Justin, Ivy, Kim,” he says. “Come out here a minute. Victor’s on the phone.” And then I hear footsteps and him saying much quieter, “He’s gonna tell us the boyfriend story.” I hear Bram chuckle and then more footsteps. “Okay, Vic, we’re all here and you’re on speaker. Let’s hear it!”

“Hi guys!” I say.

“Hiiii,” everyone says back and I laugh.

“Okay, so apparently using the word boyfriend around here makes people go crazy,” I say and they all laugh. “Um… well, last night Benji brought me to Simon’s parents house. Which, Simon, your parents are _amazing_ and so is Nora, just by the way.”

Simon chuckles. “Is that sarcasm?” he asks.

“No, no. They like actually are. I mean, they’ve made me tell my entire life story today, but otherwise they’re great.”

“Oh my God,” he says. “I’m sorry. You can just tell them no.”

“No, no. It’s totally fine. It’s all stuff they should know. But yeah, anyway. Um, Benji brought me over here last night and Simon’s mom said he could stay and help me unpack and extended curfew until 12:30.”

“Impressive. She must actually like you,” he says.

I laugh. “Yeah, um, it was only like 11:15 and I literally only had one suitcase, so I don’t know why she thought that was necessary, but um, we were…” I feel my face get hot.

“Unpacking?” Kim asks.

“Uh…” Someone snorts. “We were… kissing,” I manage to croak out and they all laugh again.

“Of course, you were,” Ivy says.

While Justin says “Get it!”

I fight back a laugh, “And Simon’s sister came over and introduced herself and asked us to be quiet.”

“Oh my God,” Simon says. “Vic, I told you…”

“Yeah,” I say slowly. “I know, but um, she said she had to have the same conversation with Simon and Bram when they were home for Christmas.”

And the other three all crack up and I can just imagine Simon and Bram’s mortified faces and I join in the laughter. “Though, she said you were… what was it… in a ‘much worse state’ when she talked to you. I get the impression you weren’t fully clothed.”

“And _this,_ ” Justin says, “is why Bram and Simon have the room on the opposite side of the apartment from everyone else.” We all laugh again.

“Oh, and she _definitely_ told me that in front of your parents at breakfast this morning.”

“Nooooooo,” Simon says dramatically. “I hate her. I hate her so much.” And we’re all still laughing. “Shut up,” he says and I can hear Bram laughing now, too. “Victor, you’re just trying to distract us from the real reason for this phone call. We’re supposed to be talking about how Benji is apparently your _boyfriend_.”

“Right,” I say with another chuckle and everyone gets quiet. “Uh, so I actually put my clothing away after the Nora interruption. I got all my electronics plugged in and Benji was just sitting on the edge of the bed when his phone started buzzing. Apparently in all of the madness he forgot to tell his mom where he was and was now missing curfew. He _did_ tell her he was with me because she apparently wouldn’t believe he wasn’t with Derek,” I say, rolling my eyes. “Um, I asked what he was going to tell his mom when he got home and he told me that the only reason he’d ever missed curfew before was because he was with Derek. And like the dummy I am, I said he finds boyfriends distracting.”

“Victor!” Simon says.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I immediately realized what I said and freaked out, but he uh… said he was going to tell his mom that he was helping his new boyfriend through a personal crisis, I believe were the words. And then he asked me if that’s what I wanted. And I told him yes, so yeah. That’s a thing that happened.”

“Oh my God,” Justin says.

“Just WOW,” Ivy agrees.

“Okay, okay,” Simon says finally. “Uh, I actually wanted to ask you about something else while I have you on the phone,” he says.

“Uh, sure, what’s up?”

“So, I was talking to Abby and Leah earlier per your request.”

“Did you tell them I’m not some weirdo?”

“I did,” he says with a chuckle. “Um, but Leah informs me that this encounter occurred because you and Benji were…” He clears his throat. “In her words, sucking face in the middle of target blocking an entire aisle.”

I feel my face burning again as everyone gasps. “GET IT!” Justin says again. Everyone laughs for a second.

“Um, yeah, that’s definitely exactly what happened,” I say.

“Care to explain that one, too?” Simon asks.

“Um…” I say, biting my lip. “So, you think boyfriends is moving too fast?” I confirm.

“A little…” Simon says.

“Simon, we literally decided on boyfriends less than 24 hours after we first found out who each other were in person. I don’t think we have any room to talk,” Bram interjects.

“Right, true,” Simon says. “So, go on, Victor. Why were you making out with your boyfriend in the middle of Target this morning?”

I snort a laugh. “Uh, so, when we got to Target, Benji put his hands in his pockets and it made me sad, so… I asked him why he wasn’t holding my hand.”

“Awww,” someone coos.

“He said he didn’t know if I’d be okay with that because we might run into people. And I told him something along the lines of ‘what was the point of this weekend if I don’t get to hold your hand now?’ and he still didn’t get it. ‘So, I said some more things about being tired of hiding and when I looked at him, he was crying, so I pulled him into that aisle. I literally don’t even know what aisle it was.”

“Awwww,” someone coos again.

“Uh, and… I told him I loved him.”

“Victor!” Simon practically shouts.

“Um, he said it was probably too soon for that but he didn’t care because he’d wanted to say it for 4 months and he said he loves me, too and then we were kissing and then Leah showed up and Abby a second later.”

“Four months…” Simon says. “You’ve only lived in Atlanta for four months, Victor.”

“Yep. I guess I didn’t tell you that part either. Uh, when we were on the phone after breakfast, he said that he’s pretty much been in love with me since my first day at Creekwood. And then he got really embarrassed and said he didn’t want to ‘do this’ over the phone.”

“Oh. My. God.” Bram says. “What the hell? What is this timeline?”

I laugh. “Uh, yeah, and in the car before we went into the store, I was telling him how Simon’s sister had accused me of ‘meeting Benji and falling madly in love within a few seconds’ and how I didn’t correct her because she was right.”

“Victor!” Simon explodes again.

“But, yeah, that happened, too. So, now you’re all caught up on my love life. Or mostly caught up. Gotta save some things for myself you know.”

“Victor…” Simon says.

“What aren’t you telling us?” Justin asks.

“I am _not_ having this conversation on the phone with all of you, so. Yeah. Nope. We’re done here,” I say. _Why did I even mention that? Why am I like this?_

“So, what’d you guys do today?” Bram asks.

I sigh. “Uh, we hung out at Benji’s house. I, uh, met his parents. Anyway, I told him I’d call after I talked to Simon, so I’m gonna go. I’ll, uh, talk to you guys later.”

“Victor,” Simon huffs.

“Bye,” I say and then I end the call.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first part of this chapter is a text conversation between (V)ictor and (S)imon.
> 
> Rated E - Explicit mention of sexual acts.

I’m about to press send on Benji’s number when Simon texts me.

S - _Victor, come on. What aren’t you telling us?_

V - _I’m not telling everyone. I’m not._

S - _Okay, so tell me. I won’t tell the others. Promise._

V - _[eye emoji]_

S - _Come on, Vic._

V - _So, I was at Benji’s all day._

S - _Vic, you didn’t._

V - _OMG, can you just listen and stop judging me?_

S - _Sorry. Go on._

V - _Um, we were hanging out in his room._

S - _His parents were there? Didn’t you say you met his parents?_

V - _OMG Simon. Yes. I met his parents. Yes, they were there. Um, his parents don’t actually like the whole gay thing. They kind of just let him do whatever he wants and don’t bother him. He said they’ve literally never come upstairs when he’s had someone there._

S - _So…_

V - _OMG. Okay, okay. So, we spent most of the afternoon making out honestly._

S - _And…_

V - _Why are you like this?_

S - _Just trying to find out if I need to give you the gay sex talk or not. [winking emoji]_

V - _Omfg. Please stop. I’m never telling you anything ever again._

S - _Fine. Fine. Were you at least safe?_

V - _SIMON!_

S - _What? Were you?_

V - _SIMON! OMFG._

S - _The way you’re reacting tells me you definitely had sex, so just tell me if you were safe or not and I’ll leave you alone._

V - _We did NOT have sex._

S - _[eye emoji] Not buying it._

V - _We didn’t. I swear._

S - _Still not buying it._

V - _Omfg. We didn’t have sex. We literally made out for a couple hours and then sucked each other off, okay? Are you happy now that I’m dying of embarrassment?_

S - _OMG. I was just giving you a hard time, Vic. I didn’t realize. Holy fuck. Okay. Okay. Okay. WOW._

V - _DO NOT TELL EVERYONE. I SWEAR TO GOD._

S - _I won’t. I won’t. Promise. Just WOW. Also, don’t try that when my parents are home._

V - _Know from experience, do you?_

S - _Shut up. But yes._

V - _Did you parents actually walk in on you and Bram?_

S - _[embarrassed emoji] A couple times actually._

V - _Well then. Maybe you need to take your own advice._

S - _Yeah. Well, we usually stay at Bram’s mom’s house when we’re in town now, so._

V - _She doesn’t care?_

S - _No. She just works a lot. But anyway. How was it!?!?_

V - _OMG. I’m not talking about this._

S - _Come on. Sex is nothing to be embarrassed about!_

V - _It wasn’t sex._

S - _Oral sex is still sex, Vic. Hate to burst your bubble. But you definitely had sex._

V - _Whatever._

S - _So. Was it good?_

V - _I have nothing to compare it to. You know that._

S - _Was it good though? I didn’t ask if it was better than anything._

V - _Yes, Simon. It was great. Will you please stop now?_

S - _[laugh cry emoji] Yeah, alright. I’m glad you’re happy, kid. And if you do want to talk about anything, I’m here. Between Bram, Justin, and I, I’m sure we could tell you all you ever need to know about gay sex._

V - _OMG, Simon. That’s okay, but no thanks._

S - _Just saying. You know… when you go any further…_

V - _Benji’s got it covered. I do not need any of your unsolicited sex advice. I’m good._

S - _Wait. Did Benji and Derek?_

V - _Yes. Benji knows what he’s doing, so I’m great. Please stop talking about this._

S - _Sorry. Sorry. I need to meet him for real when we’re in Atlanta this summer._

V - _You guys are coming home?_

S - _For a couple weeks in June._

V - _Oh, uh… I’m in your room._

S - _[laugh-cry emoji] Already discussed with Bram and the parents. We’re going to stay at Bram’s mom’s house if you’re still there. It’s not a problem._

S - _OH! Also, Abby and Leah offered to take you and Benji into Midtown next time they come home for the weekend. If you want._

V - _What?_

S - _Uh, Abby and Leah are both bi. I don’t know if I told you that. But they’re together and they offered to take you guys to dinner in Midtown on like a double date. There’s an area that’s a lot more open-minded than the rest of Atlanta…especially Shady Creek._

V - _Really?_

S - _Yeah. Um, they go to UGA, so they come back a lot more than we do. So, if you’re interested. I can give them your contact info. They were super excited when I told them who you were, btw._

V - _What did you tell them?_

S - _Um, basic overview. Didn’t go into details. I did tell them that you’re staying with my parents and they clearly already knew you had a boyfriend. BEFORE I DID._

V - _Sorry. I really didn’t even think about it. It was so late last night when that happened._

S - _Right. Well. You’re supposed to be calling him, aren’t you?_

V - _I am._

S - _Go on then. We’ll talk later. Let me know if you want me to put you in touch with Leah and Abby though._

I sigh and finally flip to my contact list and call Benji. He answers on the first ring. “Hey,” he says. “I was starting to get worried about you.”

I can’t help but laugh. “Rightfully so. Simon is ridiculous.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I think he was more embarrassing than his parents were. He put me on speaker with the whole fucking apartment. And apparently Leah told him that we were, quote unquote, ‘sucking face and taking up the whole aisle’ when she found us in Target.”

He laughs. “We, uh, kinda were though.”

“I know, but that doesn’t make it any less embarrassing.”

“True. I do feel a little called out.”

I laugh. “Uh, actually, Simon said when he was talking to Abby and Leah, they offered to take us to dinner in Midtown next time they’re home. They apparently come home a lot of something.”

“What? Why?”

“Um… something about a more ‘open-minded’ part of Atlanta?”

“OH! I know where he’s talking about. Yeah, we can go if you want. Wait, are Abby and Leah gay, too?”

“Uh, they’re both bi apparently and together…”

“Oh! Well then. But yeah, that sounds cool.”

“And Simon and Bram are coming home for two weeks in June, but they’re staying at Bram’s mom’s house or something?”

“Interesting.”

“And, Simon divulged that apparently his parents have walked in on them multiple times over the years. So, uh, none of what happened at your house today here, okay?”

“Wait. Did you tell them about that?”

“I told _Simon_ about that because he wouldn’t let it go. He’s the worst kind of person. I made him swear not not tell everyone else.”

“That’s a little weird, not gonna lie.”

“Believe me. I know. It was extremely uncomfortable. I’ll send you screenshots if you want. That happened over text after I hung up on them because I could tell he was about to start interrogating me because I said something dumb.”

“What did you say?”

“Uh. I said they were all caught up on my love life. And then I was really stupid and said, ‘well almost. I gotta keep some stuff to myself.’ And yeah. That was a dumb idea.”

He chuckles. “Wanting to keep things a secret, makes people want to know them even more most of the time.”

“Or so I’ve noticed,” I say with a sigh. “Anyway. What did your mom ask you about me?”

“A lot of things. It was sort of funny. She _really_ likes you, Vic. Like, she actually seemed _genuinely_ interested in hearing about you. It was weird as heck, but I guess I’ll take it?”

“As long as that doesn’t mean she’s going to start randomly coming upstairs when I’m there,” I say. And honestly, I’m a little worried.

He laughs. “She won’t. And my dad was asking about basketball. And speaking of which, when’s your next game. I wanna come watch you play.”

“Uh, the season’s over,” I tell him.

“Wait, really? I missed the whole thing. Now I’m upset.”

“Not my fault you waited until Friday to tell me you liked me, too.”

“Shush,” he says. “Yeah, well, next year I’m coming to every single game and I’m going to embarrass the heck out of you.”

I laugh. “Can’t be worse than my mom,” I tell him. “She once got kicked out of a post-season game for excessive dancing!”

“Seriously?”

“YES! And she makes these pun-tastic posters for every single game. It’s insane.” He’s quiet and then it hits me, too, and I’m not laughing anymore. “Sorry,” I say. “Uh, thinking about my mom being supportive is a bit of a mood killer right now.”

“Yeah. But, I _will_ be at every single game next year. And you better come kiss me when you win. That’s how that works, right?”

I laugh. “I wouldn’t know.”

“Didn’t Mia come to your games?”

“I mean, yeah, I guess so. But… well.”

“Right. Um, anyway. School,” he says.

“What about it?”

“Uh, I think we should probably discuss boundaries before we get there tomorrow?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean. You’re not out publicly yet, so… I didn’t know if…”

“Benji, what did I tell you in Target earlier? What was the point of any of this if I don’t get you now? You are the prize for all the shit I’ve gone through this weekend. I want you. I want this. I’m all in. Hold my hand. Kiss me against my locker and make me late for class. Whatever you want. I’m yours.”

“Really?”

“Yes! Really! Why are you so surprised?”

"I don’t know,” he says. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m _very_ happy about it. I guess I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“Like how you weren’t expecting me to suck your dick earlier?” I say with a laugh. “I guess I’m just full of surprises today, aren’t I?”

“Okay, and now I’m thinking about you sucking my dick. Thanks. I’m never going to finish this homework.”

I laugh. “Sorry not sorry. If I have to think about that, you do, too. It’s only fair.”

We talk a little more and then I decide I should get a shower and try to sleep, so I begrudgingly get off the phone. After I shower, I’m staring in the mirror as I’m drying off and I notice a spot on my neck that’s starting to bruise. _Oops_. I take a selfie and send it to Benji. _Look what you’ve done._

_What?_

_My neck._

_Oops. Sorry about that. Guess it’s good you’ve decided everyone’s allowed to know about us, huh? Wouldn’t want anyone thinking someone else did that to my boyfriend. [winking emoji]_

I can’t help but laugh as I finish drying off and get dressed. When I come out of the bathroom, Nora is in the hall. “Hey,” she says. “I’m about to shower and go to bed, so if you’re doing anything, headphones and quiet please.”

“No problem,” I tell her. “I’m actually about to go to sleep, too. Between your parents and your brother, I’ve told a lot of people a lot of things today and it’s been a little exhausting.”

“My brother? What did you tell him?”

I laugh. “Uh, nothing. It’s kind of a long dumb story, but he was being ridiculous.”

She doesn’t ask again and I’m forever grateful as I duck back into the bedroom. I turn off the light and crawl into bed. As I’m laying there trying to sleep, I cannot get the image of Benji from this afternoon out of my head and it’s definitely not helping the sleep. I pull out my phone and text him. _Fuck you._

_What? What did I do?_

_I can’t sleep because I keep thinking about what we did in your bedroom this afternoon._

_[smirking emoji] Sorry not sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I keep flipping back to that shirtless, wet haired mirror selfie you sent me a little bit ago._

_I didn’t really think that through, did I?_

_I am 100% okay with that. [winking emoji]_

_I’m sure you are. Thirsty, much?_

_Hey! I’m allowed to be thirsty over my own boyfriend! Am I not?_

_Yeah. Yeah. You definitely are. I love you. Good night. [kissy emoji; heart emoji]_

_I love you, too, Vic. Sweet dreams. [kissy emoji]_


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated T

When I get into the passenger’s seat of Benji’s car on Monday morning he’s smirking at me and I have no idea why until his hand is on my neck. He draws a little circle around the now fully formed bruise with his middle finger and bites his lip. “Sorry about that.”

I shake my head. “It’s okay,” I say and then I lean across the car and kiss him once.

He smiles at me and then puts the car in drive as he asks, “How did you sleep?”

“Not bad actually. Once I managed to stop thinking about yesterday afternoon.”

He chuckles as he turns onto Roswell Road. “Do you want to stop for coffee?”

I shrug. “We don’t have to.”

“But we can bug Sarah,” he insists.

I laugh and agree. “That does sound like a good way to start the morning.”

A couple minutes later, he pulls into the Brasstown parking lot. He holds the door to the store open for me and then follows me in, grabbing my hand as we walk toward the counter. There’re only a couple people in front of us, so we reach Sarah pretty quickly. “Morning!” Benji says when she looks up at us.

“Oh! Good morning, Benji. Victor. Latte for you,” she asks Benji, he nods. She turns to me. “Cold brew?”

“Please and thank you,” I say.

I go to pull my wallet out, but Benji almost laughs and hands Sarah his card. “I got this.”

Sarah raises her eyebrows at Benji and then stares at our conjoined hands for a second. After a minute she seems to find her voice. “ _That,_ ” she says, nodding toward our hands, “is against HR policy.”

I sigh and close my eyes. Trying to pull my hand away from his. I hear him groan, but he squeezes my hand tighter. “Can we just get our coffee and go to school?” he says. “We’ll come in your office when we get here later.”

I open my eyes in time to see Sarah nod sharply and turn to the espresso machine to make Benji’s drink as he pockets his wallet. He sighs and looks at me as he pulls me toward the pick-up counter. “I… might have forgotten about that.”

“Me, too,” I admit.

Sarah puts his latte on the counter and then sets my cold brew next to it. “You both start at 3. Be in my office before that,” she says before letting go. We both nod and take our drinks before quickly heading for the door. Just as we step outside, Pilar and Felix walk up. “Oh!” they both say.

“Hey guys,” I say, dropping Benji’s hand to wave.

“I actually wanted to talk to you,” Felix says. “Uh, Lake tells me that Mia is _really_ pissed.”

I nod. “Yeah. She is.”

“What happened? How did she find out?”

“Lake didn’t tell you that part?”

He shakes his head. “Uh, she said it wasn’t her place and I should ask you. I assume she found out about you kissing him,” he says, nodding toward Benji.

“That’s one way to look at it. She did definitely find out about that, but not about the kissing Benji you knew about.”

“What?”

Pilar is laughing. “Mia saw them kissing on Friday,” she says.

“Wait, you knew? Why didn’t I just ask you?” Felix says.

“Good question,” she says. “I’m going to get coffee before I actually die.” She doesn’t wait for us to respond before she walks inside.

Felix is still staring at us. “I want this story, but I also want coffee,” he says.

I laugh. “Go get coffee. I’ll talk to you at lunch.”

He nods. “Perfect. I’ll save you a seat, bestie.”

I hear Benji chuckle under his breath and jab him with an elbow to the ribs. “Sorry,” he mumbles.

“Uh, yeah, look, Felix," I say. "I doubt Mia’s going to want to be anywhere near me yet, so maybe just us and Pilar for lunch. I need to talk to her, too.”

Felix nods. “Yeah,” he agrees. “See you then.” He looks at both of us for a second and then follows Pilar into the store.

I turn to Benji. “Sorry. Um…”

He chuckles. “It’s fine. A _lot_ has happened this weekend. Your ‘bestie’,” he says, chuckling, “and your sister should know.”

I roll my eyes. “Okay.”

“I do get to sit with you though, right?” he asks.

And I actually have to laugh. “You’re kidding right?” He shakes his head and I’m still laughing. “Of course, you can sit with us. I honestly don’t think I could get through everything I have to tell them without you holding my hand.”

He grabs my hand and squeezes it. “That, I can definitely do.” He kisses me once and then we start walking back to his car.

A few minutes later, he parks in the school parking lot and cuts the engine. He looks at me. “You’re sure about this,” he says.

“About what?”

“School,” he says.

“Going to school?”

“No,” he says with an exasperated sigh. “Uh, us. Being out. You’re sure you’re ready for that right now. We don’t have to.”

I close my eyes and sigh. “I don’t know how many times I can tell you that _yes_ I am one hundred percent ready for this, Benji. I am so tired of hiding. I’m so tired of lying to everyone and especially myself. I’ve dealt with so much shit this weekend and I’m just ready to be happy. _You_ make me happy, so please.”

He’s smiling at me. “Okay. Just making sure.” He opens his door and gets out, so I do, too. He meets me at the front of the car and holds out his hand. I twist my fingers through his and we walk toward the school.

When we get inside. No one says anything. No one even looks at us. I start to wonder if maybe I missed a Creek Secrets post, so I pull out my phone. “What’re you doing?” Benji asks when he notices.

“People are being weird. I just want to check Creek Secrets.”

“Don’t do that,” he says, reaching for the phone.

“Do you know something I don’t?” I ask, looking at him.

He sighs. “There’s a post. Just don’t. You don’t need to deal with that on top of everything else.” He tries to grab my phone.

“No. I need to know what it says.”

He sighs again, “Okay, but wait until we’re at your locker at least. Don’t stare at your phone while we’re walking. For your own safety.”

I roll my eyes, but slide the phone back into my pocket. He squeezes my hand and pulls me around the corner toward my locker. Once we finally stop, I pull my phone out and he shakes his head, but I pull up Creek Secrets.

> _Creekwood’s Golden Couple No More_
> 
> _Creekwood’s famed golden couple, Victor Salazar and Mia Brooks are no longer together, sources report. There is no clear indication on the reason for this breakup, but at Friday’s Spring Fling dance the two were only spotted together briefly and failed to accept their king and queen awards, leading to a new couple alert (see previous post). Miss Brooks was spotted leaving the dance in tears with Andrew Spencer on her arm. Mr. Salazar, on the other hand, was not seen leaving. We will update when any new information surfaces._

I groan. “I hate Lake.”

“What?”

“That was definitely Lake. No one else knows Mia left with Andrew.”

“Oh.”

“I’m honestly shocked she didn’t just out me,” I say, rolling my eyes. “I’m sure Mia’s told her what she saw.”

“Hey,” he says grabbing my hand again. “Look at me.” I do. “I love you and it doesn’t matter what some stupid high school gossip blog says. You made some bad decisions, but we all make some pretty terrible decisions when we’re stuck in the closet. You know mine were worse. It’s going to be okay.”

I smile at him. “Thank you. I love you, too,” I say. Then I sigh and turn to open my locker as the first warning bell rings. I pull out my things for morning classes and shove the rest into my locker. “I do _not_ want to go to gym,” I complain as we’re walking toward Benji’s locker.

“I thought you liked sports,” he says with a chuckle.

“I _do_. But Andrew… and Kieran… and a lot of other people I don’t really want to deal with are in that class.”

“Oh,” he says.

“Yeah,” I sigh as we stop.

“You could skip?”

I almost snort. “Nah. I don’t need to add to the list of poor decisions I’ve made in the past couple weeks. I’ll go. I’m just not looking forward to it.”

“Okay,” he says, tilting his head to smile at me.

In the same second his locker door swings open, a girl I don’t recognize pops up and squeals his name. “BENJI! What the heck? I haven’t heard from you all weekend and then Derek’s Facebook… what the hell happened?”

“Yeah,” Benji breathes, looking at her. “I was busy.” He squeezes my hand and winks.

She makes a weird grand gesture. “Hold the fuck up. Who is this?” she asks looking to me. “He’s cute,” she says, turning back to Benji as if I’m not there and we both laugh.

“You sound like his mom,” I say. This makes Benji laugh even more until he’s actually doubled over trying to remember how to breathe.

“Benji,” she says after a few seconds of this.

“Sorry, sorry,” he breathes through his laughter as he stands back up. “Sorry. Um. This is Victor. Victor, this is my friend Lucy.”

“Hi,” I say with a smile at her. “Um, nice to meet you?”

“Definitely. Okay. I’m going to need a full explanation, Benjamin.” I laugh when she says his full name and I see him blushing.

“Okay, okay. Uh, I work after school, but… I’ll call you when I get home?”

“Can we not just discuss this over lunch. I think the curiosity might kill me before you get off work,” she says and I laugh.

“Um, we already have lunch plans,” he says hesitantly.

“You can sit with her if you want,” I say. “I can handle Felix and my sister on my own. I promise.”

“You said earlier…”

“I was joking. It was an excuse to make you hold my hand,” I say with a wink.

He laughs and shakes his head. “Yeah, alright. I’ll see you at lunch then, Luc.”

“You’re the best!” she says and then she takes off down the hall.

“I hate her,” he says, turning back to his locker to get his bag ready for the morning.

I laugh. “You hate her the same way I hate Felix.”

“Exactly,” he says with an exasperated sigh. We both laugh as he closes his locker and spins the lock. He grabs my hand again and we set off toward the gym. When we stop outside the locker room, I turn to face him and smile. “I’ll see you after class,” he whispers with a wink. He lets go of my hand and starts to turn away.

“Oh no you don’t,” I say and then I grab his face and kiss him. “Okay, you can go now," I say with a wink.

He laughs and turns to walk toward his own class. “You’re insane,” he says fondly.

I bite my lip and stare after him for a moment before heading into the locker room.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated T
> 
> TW: Mention of homophobia (not actually happening)

I barely have my locker open when Andrew shows up. “Salazar,” he says.

I roll my eyes and turn around. “Andrew. What do you want?”

“I mean cheating on her was definitely worse, but parading around the school with Benji already, that’s low, man. Mia’s irate.”

I take a deep breath. “Andrew, I’m sorry, but after everything I’ve been through this weekend, I’m not letting go of the one good thing to come out of it. And I know that’s really selfish. And I know it’s probably hurting Mia even more than what I already did and she doesn’t even know about all that. But I can’t. I can’t do that.” He just stares at me and quirks an eyebrow, waiting. I take another deep breath. “Look, I want to talk to Mia. I _need_ to talk to Mia, but she made it pretty obvious on Friday that she wasn’t ready for that.”

“So, you decide to completely ignore her feelings? I thought you liked her, at least as a friend. That’s what you told me on Friday. But you walk in here this morning holding hands with the person you cheated on her with and she’s crying. Just so you’re aware. Mia, who you claim is your favorite person, is crying because of you, Victor. So maybe think about someone other than yourself.”

I close my eyes and try to breathe. “Look, Andrew. I had a really shitty weekend. And you’re kind of the last person I want to talk to about it. But, Benji is the only person I have right now. And regardless of every shitty thing that’s happened to me this weekend, he’s worth it. I’m really sorry that Mia’s upset and I’m really sorry that it’s because of me. I really do want to talk to her and explain everything. But until she’s ready, I’m gonna continue to live my life.”

“Nothing ‘happened to you’, Salazar. You happened to other people. Especially Mia. You did this. It’s your fault.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I tell him. “You know what happened on Friday at the dance. You have no idea what happened when I got home or in the past two days. You have no idea and like I said, you are the actual last person I’m going to talk to about it,” I say. “You don’t know my life, Andrew. So, keep your uninformed opinions to yourself.”

“Gentlemen,” Coach Ford says walking over from his office. “Not fighting, are we?”

“Nope,” Andrew says.

Coach Ford looks at him for a minute and then realizes everyone is staring. He flicks his hand, “Get changed and get to the gym. All of you.” His eyes linger on Andrew and then flick to me. He nods and walks back toward his office.

I nod stiffly at Andrew before I turn back to my locker and get changed. Andrew doesn’t say another word to me during class and I’m grateful for it; that is until we get back to the locker room and are re-dressed in our regular clothes.

“You need to think about what you’ve done, Salazar,” he says as he ties his shoes.

“I haven’t done anything,” I say.

“You cheated on Mia. More than once. And then walked around school holding his hand like it’s nothing. That’s not nothing.”

I shake my head. “You’re right. But it’s Mia I owe an apology to, not you. So, stop fishing for it. When she’s willing to talk to me about it, I will be more than happy to offer _her_ an explanation and apology.” I close my locker and throw my bag over my shoulder, “But right now, my boyfriend is waiting for me and honestly, that’s more important to me than anything you have to say.” I leave the locker room without waiting for a response. And, sure enough, Benji is leaning against the wall in the hallway waiting for me with a smile on his face.

I take a deep breath and exhale loudly as I walk toward him, trying to smile back. “Everything okay?” he asks, grabbing my hand in his and tilting his head to look at my face. I nod. “I don’t believe you,” he says and he puts his other hand on my cheek. “What happened?”

“Andrew,” I say. “He’s right, but I just can’t deal with it right now.”

“He’s right about what?”

I sigh and reach up to pull his hand away from my face. I intertwine our fingers so now both sets of our hands are together. “I hurt Mia. A lot. He said she was crying… like again, today, because of this,” I say, lifting our hands.

“I knew this wasn’t a good idea,” he says and tries to pull his hands from mine.

I shake my head and squeeze his hands tighter. “Please don’t say that. You… you are the only good thing I have. The only good thing to come out of this mess. Please.”

He closes his eyes for a second. “I worry you’re blinded by me,” he says.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re so enthralled by this…" He squeezes both of my hands. "By us that you’re forgetting everything else. I’m happy to be your distraction from the way your parents treated you; that I understand. But I’m worried you’re not facing the rest of this. Mia especially. My coming out was really messy, too, Victor, but I made sure to do right by everyone that I hurt. You need to do that, too." He pauses and I don't know what my face looks like, but he closes his eyes and almost laughs. "I’m not breaking up with you." I exhale slowly and he smirks a little. "I’m asking you to let me help you instead of just distracting you, okay?” I nod. “Please, Vic, I… I love you, but I need you to not let that cloud everything else in your life. You’ve made some pretty bad decisions lately and you owe it to the people you love to do what you can to make it better.” I nod again and squeeze his hands. He half-smiles. “I do love you,” he says. “And I find it really flattering that you think I’m the only thing that matters. But I’m not going to let you just walk away from the rest of your life, okay?”

I swallow and nod. “Okay.”

“You need to figure out how to talk to Mia,” he says.

“I can’t do that if she won’t listen to me,” I say and he nods.

“What did you do when I wouldn’t listen you?” he asks.

“Wrote you a letter?”

He nods and shrugs. “You could try it?”

I nod. “That’s… that’s a good idea.” He smiles at me and drops one of my hands.

“We should get to class,” he says, reaching his hand up to stroke my cheek again. I nod and allow him to pull me back into the main corridor.

I seriously consider skipping 3rd period health. It’s the only class I have with Mia. Plus, Andrew and Lake are in it, too, which just multiplies the problems. We stop outside the door and Benji tilts his head at me. “You can do it,” he says.

I bite my lip for a second and then nod. “I don’t really have a choice,” I tell him. I lean down and kiss him for a brief second and then let go of his hand and go into the classroom. Felix and Lake are already in their seats. Mia and Andrew are not. I swallow. “Where are Mia and Andrew?”

Lake looks like she just swallowed a lemon. “ _That_ is _really_ none of your business, Victor.” When she says my name, it sounds like it might actually be painful.

I close my eyes and nod. “You’re right,” I say and I look at Felix. “Hey, uh, you don’t have to sit with me at Lunch,” I say. “I’ll just sit with my sister. If she even wants to be seen with me. And if not, I’ll sit with Benji and Lucy.” I shrug.

“No way,” he says. “I want to know what happened… and I know what it’s like for someone you care about to not want to be seen with you,” he glares at Lake for a second. “I’m not gonna do that to you. Not after the weekend you’ve had.”

“The weekend _he’s_ had,” Lake spits. “Try the weekend he’s _caused_.”

“You didn’t tell her anything, did you?” I ask Felix. He shakes his head. “Thanks, but you could have.”

“Wasn’t my place. This is your story, man,” he says.

“Anyway, Lake, while I’m really sorry for hurting Mia and I swear to _God_ I never meant for her to find out that way. I _was_ planning on telling her Saturday. I really was. A lot of shit happened after the dance and over the past two days. And I know that doesn’t make you or her feel any better about the stuff that happened before, but for me it’s been a weekend of… I don’t even have words for it.”

“What _is_ he talking about?” Lake asks Felix as if I’m not still there.

“Why don’t you ask him?” Felix says and nods toward me.

“Fine,” she says and turns back to me. “What are you talking about?”

“I don’t want to talk about it with all these people around. But I will tell you… and Mia, if you’ll listen to me somewhere everyone at Creekwood won’t find out.”

“Mia _doesn’t_ want to talk to you,” she says.

“I’m aware.”

“Can you just text it to me?”

“I don’t have your number,” I say.

“What?”

“Uh, part of the story. I lost my phone. Well, not lost exactly, but yeah. I had to get a new phone with a new number and I don’t have any of my contacts.”

“Oh,” she says. She rips a page out of her notebook, scribbles her number on it and passes it to me. “Just text me during lunch of whatever,” she says.

I nod. “Okay.”

Mia and Andrew never show up for class and I feel like it’s probably because of me. Why Andrew is the one skipping with her instead of Lake, I don’t know, but I guess it is what it is. After class, Lake pushes past me into the hallway, but Felix walks next to me. “Listen, Felix, I don’t wanna make things weird between you and Lake. You really don’t have to sit with me at lunch.”

“Not happening,” he says. He throws his arm around my shoulders. “I’m not going to do to you what she did me and if anyone can understand that it better be her. And if she doesn’t,” he shrugs. “Oh well.”

“Felix, please. I already caused enough messy break ups this weekend,” I say as we walk out the door. And then Benji grabs my hand and gives Felix a look.

“What?”

“Hands off,” Benji says and Felix laughs, retracting his arm. “I’m joking, by the way. I know you guys are super close.”

“Which is why I’m sitting with you at lunch, Victor,” Felix says. “I’ll save you a seat.” And then he takes off toward his next class.

“What was that about?” Benji asks as we start walking toward my next class.

“Lake’s obviously on Mia’s side. If that's the right way to say it. Mia and Andrew never showed up for that class and Lake said it wasn’t my business where they were. Apparently, Felix didn’t tell her anything this weekend, so I guess I’m supposed to text her at lunch? I don’t even know. This is all such a disaster. I told Felix he didn’t have to sit with me. Everyone’s pissed. And it’s like, I understand, I do. Because I feel like shit for hurting Mia. I just… _God_ , why does this have to be so hard?” I look at Benji and he’s looking at me with the softest expression I’ve ever seen.

“It won’t always be this hard,” he says. “Coming out is messy and yours was… is extremely so, but it will get better. And I’ll be here. No matter what, I’ll be here to help you figure it out, okay?” I nod and I think I might cry and he must notice, because he pulls me to the side of the hall and stops. I look down at my feet as he turns in front of me. “Look at me,” he says and I do. “I love you. I will be here. I know it’s hard and I know you have a whole lot happening right now, but no matter what I will be here and help you get through. I promise.”

A smile plays at the corners of my mouth and I reach my hands up to wipe my eyes. “I love you, too,” I whisper and he smiles at me. “Thank you.” He wraps his arms around me and I wrap mine around him and we just stand there for a second. I sort of forget we’re in the middle of the hallway, honestly and I just squeeze him tighter and I feel his arms tighten too. Then I kiss him and he kisses me back for a second.

“We need to go to class,” he says and I groan. He laughs. “I’m sorry. I would much prefer kissing you to Chemistry, but that doesn’t seem like the best plan.”

I nod. “You’re right.”

After fourth period, Benji is waiting in the hall again and grabs my hand to pull me toward the cafeteria. “I can sit with you if you want. Lucy’ll get over it,” he says.

I shake my head. “It’s okay. I’m hoping after I explain to Felix and Pilar they’ll help me with the texting Lake part,” I say with a sigh. “I’ll see you after, okay?”

“Okay,” he says and nods. “I love you.”

I laugh. “I love you, too.”

He smiles at me for a second before squeezing my hand and heading off toward where I see Lucy sitting alone in the corner. I take a deep breath and walk outside. I find Pilar and Felix sitting at a table away from everyone else. I sit down with them. “Hey,” I say quietly.

“Hey yourself,” Pilar says. “Are you okay? I’ve heard people saying some pretty terrible things today…”

I sigh. “I’m fine. I mean, Andrew was… questionable in the locker room, but,” I shrug, “whatever, he was just pissed that I was walking around holding Benji’s hand because I cheated on Mia with Benji not because Benji's a boy. Which is more than I expected out of him, to be fair.”

“Hmm,” she says and looks at my face. I think she’s trying to make sure I’m telling the truth, so I nod a little. “Okay,” she finally says. “So… Explanations please.”

I chuckle a little. “Um, Felix did you ever find out what actually happened on Friday?”

“Not other than you kissing Benji again and that he and Derek broke up.”

I shrug. “That’s pretty much all that happened. I mean Andrew also overhead Benji saying I kissed him in the bathroom, so when I saw him leaving with Mia and her crying, I thought he’d told her, but she said she’d seen us instead and yeah. We went home and I told my parents; they were mad, but they didn’t actually say anything too terrible that night. I told Pilar everything,” I say, nodding toward her. “And then you walkied. But after that I called Benji, or well he called me because I asked if he was still awake.”

Felix raises an eyebrow. Pilar holds her hand out to stop him from interrupting. “It gets worse,” she says. Felix nods.

I sigh. “My mom heard me talking on the phone and came into my room. She asked who I was talking to and I told her, so she made me hang up and took my phone.”

“Why? Just because he’s gay, too?”

I almost laugh. “No, I, uh, told them about the kiss… well about the first kiss. And my dad was already blaming him and Derek… because they’re gay.”

“Yikes,” Felix says and I nod.

“Yeah. Anyway, she took my phone and I didn’t sleep. I, uh, got my laptop out and messaged Simon.”

“Spier?” he asks.

I nod. “Yeah. I guess I never explained that to you, did I?”

He shakes his head. “You just said you’re staying with his parents…”

“I am. Uh, Pilar doesn’t know this part either,” I say and she’s staring at me. I take a deep breath. “So, after my first day here, I was pissed at the world and I sort of took it out on Simon via Instagram DM. Because Ms. Albright had told me about his whole thing with Bram on Creek Secrets and at the carnival and I was just jealous, honestly. But he responded and he’s been an amazing friend. He’s, uh, my self-proclaimed gay Sherpa. He and Bram and their roommates are all… they’re all really great,” I say with a smile.

“How do you know their roommates?” Pilar asks.

I laugh. “Uh, don’t tell mom and dad, because if they ever get the chance, they’ll ground me for the rest of my life for this,” I say.

“The boys’ trip,” Felix suddenly realizes and I nod.

“Yeah. I went to New York.”

“You… what!?!?!” Pilar says.

“I bought a bus ticket and went to New York… to see Simon, but he ended up not even being there so I spent the weekend with Bram and their roommates until Simon got back. This was his jacket actually,” I say, laughing as I pull at the collar. “Um, yeah, then I came home in the middle of the night and made Felix come outside at ass-o’clock in the morning because I had to tell _somebody_.”

Felix chuckles. “That explains why you randomly did that at… what 6 AM?”

“Something like that,” I say. “Anyway, I, uh, woke up Saturday and made pancakes, because carbs fix problems in my family.” Pilar gets a sad look on her face. “My parents made me go to the living room with them after we ate and they said a lot of things that I don't wanna think about, let alone repeat. They wouldn’t give me my phone back. Wanted to take my laptop, and then my dad said if I didn’t give them the laptop I could just leave and never come back.” I swallow and look at Felix; his eyes are wide. “So, I went to my room and threw as many of my clothes as I could into my suitcase and left.”

We're all quiet for a minute before Felix says, “That's when you came and gave me your suitcase before you went to work, right?"

I nod. “Yeah, and then when I got to work, Benji was there. Even though he was supposed to be transferring. Apparently, Sarah convinced him to come back, and well, the reason he left in the first place was was no longer an issue. Anyway, I told him we’d talk after we closed because I knew I wasn’t going to hold it together. Uh, we sat down at a table after he locked the door and talked about everything. Then I was crying and he hugged me and then we actually cleaned up and closed.”

“Okay…” Pilar says.

“And then we went to Target to buy me a phone,” I say, patting it on the table. “And Simon messaged me back and gave me his number, so I called him and and once he realized I had no where to go he offered to call his parents. So, he did and Benji drove me over there after I saw you guys on Saturday night. I was on the phone with Simon and Bram, by the way,” I add, looking at Felix. "They were just muted while we were inside."

Felix nods. "Oh, okay. That makes sense, I guess."

“So, you’re just staying with his parents?” Pilar asks.

I shrug and nod. “Yeah. They’re super nice.”

“So, what happened the rest of this weekend?” Felix asks.

“Uh, Benji stayed to, help me unpack, on Friday.”

Pilar raises an eyebrow and laughs. “ _Help you unpack…_ ” she repeats.

I close my eyes for a second. “Okay so we were talking and kissing and got embarrassed by Simon’s sister. Because she heard us through the wall and then Benji’s mom called because he missed curfew and I accidentally called myself his boyfriend and then I was?” They’re both smirking at me. “Uh, then he left and I started crying again. He texted me a whole bunch before I responded and was annoyed that I wasn’t answering when I promised that I would. Um, then yesterday I had a weird-ass breakfast with Simon’s parents and sister where I told them my life story.”

“Yikes,” Felix says.

“Yeah, it was a little awkward, but like I said. They’re really nice. Then Benji texted me and he came and picked me up and we went to Target again because I forgot my shower stuff. Then we ended up spending most of the afternoon at his house. I met his parents.”

“Already!?!” Felix says.

I shrug. “They were there. Anyway, we were talking for a little and then this one calls,” I say nodding toward Pilar. “And breaks the news that my dad left. So, I talked to her, and Adrian, and my mom, and then I talked to Benji some more?”

“Talked?” Pilar asks and I hate that my sister can read me so well.

“We spent the rest of the afternoon talking, cuddling, and making out,” I say with an exasperated sigh. She chuckles and I think that must have been convincing enough. I do _not_ need another Simon on my hands. My hand instinctively moves to the bruise on my neck and both of their eyes go wide and I groan.

“That’s a hickey,” Felix says. “A pretty intense one at that…”

“Do not tell mom,” I say looking at Pilar and she laughs.

“You can’t just hide yours with concealer like I always did,” she says.

“I do not need to think about my little sister like that, please.” She laughs, but doesn’t say anything else. “He took me back to the Spiers’ house and I had dinner with them. Then I called Simon and was on speakerphone with him and Bram and all three of their roommates for a while. Then I called Benji and talked to him for a while again. He picked me up for school this morning and then we ran into you two after Sarah told us ‘that’ was against HR policy. That being the fact we were holding hands, I think?”

“Yikes,” Felix says. “He’s the assistant manager, isn’t he?”

I nod. “Yep, so we have to go in there and talk to her before we start today.”

"If it's not one thing it's another," Felix says and I nod.

"So," I say and I look at my sister for a second and then at Felix. "I guess I'm supposed to text Lake..."

"Shit. Right," Felix says. "Um..."

They help me boil everything down into a few texts and then I tack on an extra one that says she can tell Mia if Mia wants to hear it and asking her to tell Mia that I am really sorry and I feel really terrible about how this happened. As I hit send, the bell rings, so I basically have to run to get to my locker and switch everything out before my afternoon classes.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated T
> 
> Monday afternoon and evening.

As I’m about to turn around from my locker, a pair of arms wrap around my waist from behind and I jump. He chuckles next to my ear. “It’s just me, calm down,” he says and I laugh a little. “How’d it go?”

I shrug a little and lean back into him. “Alright, I think. I mean Felix and my sister are fine obviously. But I texted Lake a watered-down version of everything and asked her to tell Mia that I’m really sorry and told her she could share what I told her with Mia if she wanted to hear it.”

“That’s a lot,” he says and I nod. “We should get to class.”

I close my eyes for a second, but then nod. “Yeah, we should.”

He pulls his arms away and I close my locker before taking his hand. The rest of the afternoon passes without incident and then I’m cramming all of my homework into my backpack at my locker while I wait for Benji. I glance over my shoulder to see him walking toward me. “Hey,” he says when he’s close enough. “Ready for this?”

I laugh a little. “Yeah, why not,” I say as I close my locker and throw my backpack over my shoulder. I take his hand and we head toward the parking lot. “So, what is she going to do anyway?”

“I honestly have no idea. I never actually read the HR handbook,” he says with a laugh.

“Some assistant manager you are,” I say and he laughs again. As we’re walking out of the school, I see Mia and Lake at Mia’s locker and I freeze. Benji looks at me and then follows my gaze and nods. I swallow and shake my head a little and then keep walking. He squeezes my hand. Mia looks up as we pass and our eyes meet for a second. I can’t read the look on her face and I’m not sure I want to. I swallow again and keep walking.

Once we’re in Benji’s car, I take a huge breath and sigh it out. He looks at me for a second and I sigh again. “I hate everything,” I say. “Why does this have to be so hard?”

He grabs my hand and squeezes it. “It won’t be this hard forever,” he says, “and I really hope you don’t hate _every_ thing. Because that would mean you hate me and I don’t think my heart could handle that.”

I laugh a little. “I definitely don’t hate you,” I say. I turn to look at him and he half-smiles, so I smile back and then I kiss him.

He pulls away too soon and I sigh. “We have to go to work,” he says with a little laugh. “Believe me, I’d rather kiss you than go deal with whatever Sarah has in store, but…”

“Yeah, I know,” I say and I pull my seatbelt on. “Alright, let’s go.”

Benji parks in front of Brasstown and we get out of the car. He opens the door and let’s me go first. He grabs my hand and leads me around the counter and toward Sarah’s office. “Ready?” he asks when he stops outside the door.

I shrug. “As ready as I’m gonna be,” I say.

He knocks on the door. “Come in,” Sarah’s voice responds and he opens the door. “Oh, good. In, sit down,” she says gesturing the two chairs across the desk from where she’s sitting. Once we’re inside, she adds, “Close the door, please.” And I do before I sit in the chair next to Benji. She hands us each a thick packet of papers. I look down at the first page, it’s the Brasstown HR Manual. “Page 33,” she says. I glance at Benji and he shrugs, but we both turn to the right page. The title of the page is _Employee Dating Policy_. We both sigh as we glance at each other and then back at Sarah. “When you were each hired, you were given a copy of this manual,” She says. “You each signed off that you read and understood everything it contains. However, this morning it became clear that you could both do with a reminder of this particular policy, so we're going to go over it together, right now.”

“Shouldn’t we be clocked in for this,” Benji says and Sarah rolls her eyes.

“I’ll fix your time cards when we’re done,” she says. “Now, I want you both to read over this section of the manual and then we are going to discuss it’s implications.” She nods once. Benji and I glance at each other and shrug and then we read quietly. Once we’re both looking back at Sarah, she sighs. “Now, can you tell me what mistakes you’ve already made?” We look at each other for a second and Benji sighs.

“I apparently was supposed to tell you about this before now,” he says.

“Correct.”

“Is holding hands considered inappropriate physical contact?” I ask.

She rolls her eyes. “While you’re working, yes.”

“We weren’t working this morning,” Benji reminds her.

She sighs. “I know. That’s why you’re not being written up.” She looks at us for a minute and then sighs. “How long has this been a thing?” she asks. “And what is _this_ exactly?”

We look at each other and he shrugs a little. “Um, Friday night,” he says. “And… a romantic relationship, I guess? I don’t know what you want me to say here.”

She huffs a sigh. “Well, we’re going to need to discuss a few things,” she says. “As you just read there are currently some conflicts-of-interest created by this… relationship.” We both close our eyes. “You, as assistant manager, don’t have the ability to fire anyone, but you do have the ability to write people up and that could be problematic.”

Benji groans. “Have I ever written anyone up?” he says.

“No, but…”

“Sarah, it’s really not an issue,” he says. “But what are you suggesting we do about it?”

She takes a deep breath. “I’m putting this in both of your HR files,” she says. “And, I’ll be doing the schedule from now on, so there can’t be any complaints about you giving Victor the good shifts.”

“That’s going to last one week and you know it. You hate making the schedule,” Benji says, “but, yeah, okay.”

Sarah sighs. “I’m mostly concerned that you keep your hands to yourselves while you’re working and in my café,” she says. “And save the romance for non-work hours.”

We both look at each other and shrug. “Yeah, okay,” I say. “That’s not an issue.”

“Good,” she says with a nod. “Now go get your aprons and get out there.”

We look at each other and shrug as we get up and leave Sarah’s office. “That wasn’t as bad I was imagining,” I admit as we’re tying on our aprons.

“Same,” he agrees. “We really probably should have read that manual earlier, though,” he adds with a laugh.

“Yeah, probably, especially you, Mr. Assistant Manager.”

He chuckles and half-smiles at me for a long second. “Okay, the hands to ourselves thing is going to be difficult,” he says.

“You’re telling me,” I agree.

“But it really only counts when Sarah’s here, right?” he says and I laugh. “It’s not like she’s going to check the security camera footage to keep an eye on us.”

I laugh again. “Valid,” I say. “When does she leave?”

He laughs. “Probably soon?” he says looking at the clock. “She’s been here since 7.”

Sure enough, Sarah does leave just after 4 and once she’s out the door we both sort of chuckle and look at each other. “So,” he says. “Now, that I can freely flirt with my boyfriend. Are you planning on sticking around after 7, so I can take you… uh, home?”

I laugh. “Yeah. I told them I probably wouldn’t be back until 9:30 because you close. Curfew is 10, so,” I say with a shrug.

“Good,” he says and then he kisses my cheek and I laugh.

The rest of the night is a breeze. We work so well together, even when there’s a rush it’s not a problem to stay on top of everything. When I clock out at 7, I bring my backpack out of the back room and sit at a table in the corner to work on my homework. Every time I look up, Benji is smirking at me and I can’t help but smile back. Maybe everything isn’t so terrible after all. That is until 8:30 when my phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out, half expecting a text from my sister or Felix, but no. It’s a text from a number I don’t have saved. I open it.

_This is Mia. Lake showed me what you texted her at lunch and I’m still really upset, but I think we should talk about it. Give me a call when you have time._

I read it about 30 times over and then I look up at Benji and my face must be a mess because he looks almost panicked and walks around the counter and over to my table. “What happened?” he says. I hand him my phone. He reads the message. “Oh. I mean… that’s a good thing, right?”

I nod. “Yeah. I think so. I just… I don’t know what to say to her.”

He nods a little. “I get that. Um, we can talk about it while I’m closing and you can call her when you get back to the Spiers’?”

I nod. “Yeah. Okay.”

After he locks the front door at 9, Benji walks over to my table, “If you’ll help clean up, I can tell her to head out so we can talk.”

“Yeah, that’s fine. As long as she doesn’t mind.”

He walks over to Megan at the counter as she about to start doing dishes and I follow him. “Hey,” he says. “Um, you can head out if you want to.” She looks up at him and he shrugs. “I’m Victor’s ride and he said he’d help clean up.”

She looks at me and asks, “Really?”

I nod and shrug. “Yeah, it’s no problem.”

“Oh my God. I have so much homework tonight, so that’s actually perfect. You guys are the best,” she says and then she turns off the water in the sink and heads into the back room. Benji and I both laugh a little.

Once Megan’s out the door, Benji turns to me. “So, have you thought about what you’re going to tell Mia?”

“You mean other than how ridiculously shitty I feel about the whole thing?”

He nods. “I mean, that’s a good place to start.”

I sigh. “Yeah. I don’t know. I guess it depends on what and how much she wants to know. I’d honestly tell her everything if she wanted to listen. She deserves to know the truth, you know?” He nods and I shrug. “I mean. I guess I’m just going to call her and see how it goes. That’s really all I can do.” He nods and then we clean up.

He parks in front of the Spiers’ house just before 9:30 and I lean across the car to kiss him. “I love you,” he whispers as we separate. “You can do this. Call or text me after and let me know how it goes, okay?”

I nod. “Yeah, I will. Thanks. Um, I love you, too.” I kiss him again quickly and he chuckles and then I get out the car and wave as I walk toward the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the generic Employee Dating Policy that I looked at to construct the conversation between Sarah, Benji, and Victor: https://www.shrm.org/resourcesandtools/tools-and-samples/policies/pages/cms_006713.aspx


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated T
> 
> Victor calls Mia to explain everything.

“Victor?” Emily’s voice says from the living room.

“Yeah, it’s me,” I say walking to the doorway.

She looks up from the TV and smiles at me for a second. “Lock the door behind you, please.”

“Okay,” I say and I walk back over to the door and lock it.

“How was school? Work?” she asks from where she’s now standing in the doorway.

“Um,” I say, shrugging. “Fine, I guess. It was kind of… weird.”

She nods. “Anything you want to talk about?”

I shake my head. “Uh, is Nora already in bed?” I ask. I didn’t think about that. “I need to make a phone call and I don’t want to disturb her.”

“No,” she says with a smile. “She and Jack are in the dining room working on a puzzle.” She shakes her head a little. “They started doing this when Simon left for school. Father daughter bonding activity.”

I smile a little. “That’s nice. Okay, well, I’m going to go make that call… and finish my homework… and get a shower.”

She laughs a little. “Sounds like you have a busy night ahead. Make sure you get to sleep at a reasonable hour, too, please.”

I nod. “I will. Thank you.”

She smiles as I turn toward the stairs. “Goodnight, Victor.”

“Goodnight,” I say as I turn around to return her smile for a second and then I climb the rest of the stairs and go into Simon’s room. Or I guess it’s my room now? I sigh as I sit down on the bed and pull out my phone. I go to Mia’s text and read it one last time before mumbling to myself, “Here we go,” and pressing the little phone icon to call her.

It rings three times before she answers. “Victor?”

“Yeah. Hey, Mia,” I say quietly.

“Hey,” she says back. “Um…”

“Can I… Can I say something first?”

“Yeah.”

I take a deep breath. “Uh. I just wanted to make it really clear to you that I feel incredibly shitty about the way everything played out. I never meant for you to get hurt. I… I wanted to tell you. I was going to tell you… the night we made sushi… the night I got back from New York, but… then your dad came home early and I didn’t want to add to that, so I decided to wait until after the dance. Which was stupid, but I did it and then I was going to tell you on Saturday, but then… well, you know what happened. But I’m really really sorry and I feel really really shitty about it. I should have told you sooner. I should have told you the night I brought Felix over. You gave me every opportunity and I failed and I’m sorry. I completely understand if you hate me and never want to speak to me again or whatever, because honestly, I deserve that. But I just need you to know that I am so fucking sorry. I feel absolutely terrible about this. I’m also sorry for word vomiting all of that at you like this. I just really suck.”

“Victor,” she says quietly. And it sounds like she’s crying which just breaks my heart even more. How much pain can I cause one person? She sighs. “I… I don’t hate you,” she says. “I… I mean, what your parents did. I understand why you were scared to come out and whatever. I get it. I mean I don’t _get it_ , but I understand. I just wish you would have told _me_. Even if you didn’t tell me the real reason. I just wish you wouldn’t have led me on for so long. I…”

I take another deep breath. “I wasn’t leading you on though,” I say. “I… I was really confused. I’d been confused for a long time. And when I met you and when I started actually spending time with you, I was even more confused. I thought you might be the exception. I love you, Mia… just not like that. But I thought I did. I really thought I did for a long time I was convinced. I got butterflies when we kissed. I enjoyed kissing you. I enjoyed spending time with you. But that wasn’t enough and it took me a long time to realize that.” I swallow. “I didn’t even realize at all until that night I brought Felix with me. That’s when I realized I wasn’t actually attracted to you and you’re right. I should have told you. Right then and there, but I was scared and I was still confused and I didn’t know what to do, so I… I didn’t do anything and that was a really stupid decision.”

She takes a deep breath and sighs. “When you and Benji went to Willacoochee…”

I close my eyes. She doesn’t continue. “Um. It _was_ for work. I promise. We were _actually_ getting the stupid espresso machine fixed. But I lied to him and you by extension. Um. It was done on Saturday afternoon. We could have picked it up and come back, but I told him it wasn’t going to be ready until Sunday, because Sarah had told him we should stay if that happened and I don’t know what I was thinking, honestly, but I wasn’t ready to come back. I wasn’t ready to face you and I know that sounds childish and selfish and really fucking shitty of me, but it’s true.”

“Oh,” she says.

I sigh. “And then I did something really fucking stupid,” I say. “Um, we were in the hotel room and we were talking and then we were going to go to sleep and he turned the light off and then… and then I kissed him, because I’m a monumental idiot. And I am so sorry, Mia. I know that was wrong and I know it was stupid for more than one reason, but that’s what happened. He pushed me off and didn’t say a word to me the rest of the night. I cried in the hallway for hours. And he didn’t say a word the entire drive back and then we dropped off the espresso machine and I went home.” I honestly think I might start crying. I try to take a deep breath to calm myself down.

“Wow,” she says quietly. “I… Why?”

I close my eyes and breath out through my nose. “I don’t know. I…” I shake my head. “I’ve liked him since the moment I met him even though I tried so hard not to and he was right there and I was right there and I was confused and I just needed to know. And that was the stupidest thing I could have done, but it was the only thing I came up with at the time, so I did it.”

“What did you need to know?” she asks.

“If I was imagining it. Um, a very wise friend of mine; though I can’t actually be sure which of the five of them it really was, once told me that kissing was more than just the little butterflies everyone talks about. He said it was more like jet fighters going off, and… he was right,” I say with a sigh. “I didn’t want him to be, but he was.”

“Oh,” she says.

“Yeah,” I say. “I’m really sorry.”

I hear her taking a deep breath. “You said Benji pushed you off and didn’t talk to you, but Friday…”

I swallow and nod. “Uh, yeah. So, I ran away to New York, which I also lied to you and literally everyone else about. To, uh, visit that very wise friend of mine. All five of them, actually, though I didn’t realize it right away. But anyway, I ran away and when I came back it was the middle of the night and I just laid in my bed staring at the ceiling trying to figure out what to do. Then when the sun came up, I made Felix come outside when he was still half-asleep because I needed to tell someone, so I did. And then we went to school and I asked if I could come over. Because I wanted to tell you. I _needed_ to tell you…and yeah.”

“Okay, that doesn’t explain anything…”

“Right,” I say with a sigh. “Uh, I ran into Benji at work that night. He wasn’t supposed to work, so I was surprised to see him. But he was cleaning out his locker. He transferred locations because of me. Because I kissed him. And he said we needed to stay out of each other’s way, so I tried and I tried. And then I talked to those very wise friends of mine and got the idea to write him a letter. Which I did and then my sister found it, which I didn’t know about and she made some very wrong presumptions, because I didn’t put his name on it. Just his initial. But anyway, I put it in his locker on Friday morning and went on my way,” I tell her.

“Okay…”

“Then, at the dance, when Lake dragged you away as soon as we got there,” I tell her. “I accidentally locked eyes with Benji and he looked away when I smiled and I couldn’t handle it so I went to the bathroom. And I was just in the bathroom, splashing my face with cold water and trying not to have a panic attack, when he came and found me. He told me that he read the letter and forgave me, but that it didn’t change anything because he had a boyfriend and I kissed him, so he needed to stay away from me.”

“Wait, what?” she asks.

“It gets better,” I say, rolling my eyes. “He left. I was sort of in shock and just standing there and then… Andrew came out of one of the stalls.”

“ _That’s_ how he found out. I was wondering.”

I laugh a little through my nose. “Yeah. So I was walking back into the dance after Andrew, trying to get him to stop and listen to me, but then you were there and we started dancing. And when Felix cut in, it was to tell me that Pilar had been questioning him about the letter and he’d accidentally mentioned the work trip. And then he’d seen her talking to Benji and Derek. She was just trying to figure out who it was that I kissed, but when she mentioned the trip, Derek figured it out, so I looked across the room and saw them fighting. Um, I was heading that way to try… to try to do something, but then I found Andrew and pulled him into the hallway instead, because I didn’t need any more catastrophes that night.”

“Oops,” she says.

“Yeah,” I agree. “So I tried to explain to him. I told him I was going to tell you on Saturday, because that’s what he was worried about. He was just worried about you. He didn’t even care about the gay thing,” I say. “Um, but he said he would never tell everyone, which I took with a grain of salt, because this is Andrew we’re dealing with. I didn’t have time to argue because Benji and Derek came into the hallway behind us and it was clear that Derek had found out and Benji was trying to tell him it wasn’t like that and Andrew went back into the dance, leaving me to deal with _that mess_.” I sigh. “I told Derek that it was my fault and told him to not blame Benji for my stupid mistake. Um, I said some other stuff and then I told them I’d stay out of their way.”

“Wait…”

“I know, we’re getting there,” I say. “I was seriously on the verge of a panic attack by that point, so I went outside. I was hoping the fresh air would help clear my mind and it did after a few minutes. I was sitting on that bench.” I sigh. “Um, Benji came and found me again. He seems to be making a habit of being exactly where I need him to be lately. But, anyway. He told me that they broke up, or well that he broke up with Derek. And then he explained why and we kissed and then he asked about you and I told him I was going to tell you the next day. Then he asked about the whole coming out thing and I told him I was ready. Then we kissed again and I said I should go back inside, because I knew you were probably trying to find me. I didn’t realize that you already had, of course.” I sigh again. “I went back inside and then I saw you in tears, talking to Andrew and I assumed he’d told you what he heard, so I followed you guys back outside and well, you know the rest of that story,” I say.

“Oh,” she says. “That’s… I mean, if I was just your friend and you told me about that, I’d… I’d think it was adorable that he broke up with his long-term boyfriend for you and came and found you twice in one night like that, because it really sort of is, but…”

“But you’re not my friend,” I say. “I know, Mia. I’m so sorry. It was stupid. _I_ was stupid. I never meant to hurt you. I swear.”

“I… I really would like to be your friend,” she says and I freeze, “eventually. But… right now… I just. I need some time, okay?”

I nod and then realize she can’t see me, so I say, “I get that. I’m kind of shocked that you don’t just never want to speak to me again, honestly.”

I hear her take a deep breath and then she sighs it out before taking another. “And, while we’re airing all of our dirty laundry,” she says. “Um, the night of the fundraiser. Andrew was there with his dad. They’re always at those things. So, I was talking to him for a little and then I went up to my room and that’s when you called to say you weren’t coming. But I was up there, hiding from the party because I hate those things and Andrew came and found me. He… he made me a grilled cheese, which whatever, but… he also tried to kiss me and I stopped it and he apologized, but yeah.”

I’m shocked. “Okay. Interesting. I didn’t realize Andrew…”

She almost laughs a little through her nose. “Um, he and I had a thing. Last fall. It was nothing, but it moved too fast and I was really broken one night. My mom called. She didn’t say anything, but I knew it was her and we just sat on the phone in silence for a minute until she hung up. And then I was crying and I called Andrew because I needed to _feel_ something, anything. He came over and we got drunk and we had sex. It was a one-time thing and I regret it now, but it happened. And this was before you even moved here.” She swallows and sighs. “Not even Lake knew about it… until two Saturdays ago. Some stuff happened while we were in Saturday detention, misunderstandings.”

“Oh,” I say. “Wow, I… okay. Yeah.”

“When he drove me home on Friday,” she says. “I asked him to come in, but he said no. He’s really trying to… I don’t know. Turn himself around I guess. It’s weird. I don’t know why I’m telling you all this. I’m supposed to be mad at you, but… you’re just so easy to talk to,” she says and I nod a little.

“I’ve heard that before,” I say.

“You are,” she says. “You just listen and don’t judge or make rude comments. It’s… refreshing. After years of having Lake as my best friend, you can probably see why.”

I nod. “Uh, yeah. Hey. I… I am so sorry about everything, Mia. I totally understand that you need some time to process or whatever. But, if you ever need to talk, I’m all ears, okay? I mean that. You are seriously one of my favorite people.”

“Thank you,” she says. “Um, I do… need some time, but… I’ll reach out… when I’m ready, okay?”

“Yeah. That’s perfect, Mia. I… I hope you have a good rest of your night.”

“Thanks, Victor. You, too,” she says and then the line clicks dead.

I take a deep breath and blow it out as I flop backwards onto the bed. I send a text to Benji. _That went better than anticipated. I’m going to shower and then I’ll tell you all about it._

_I’m glad. [smiley emoji]_

I smile at my phone for a second and then set it on the nightstand and find my pajamas before heading to the bathroom.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated M
> 
> TW/CW: Homophobia. F-slur usage (censored). Panic Attacks.

When Benji and I walk into school on Tuesday morning, Mia and Lake are standing in front of Lake’s locker. When my eyes meet Mia’s, it’s not earth shattering like it was yesterday. She half-smiles at me and I half-smile back. Benji squeezes my hand and I squeeze his back. Mia turns back to Lake and Lake glares over Mia’s shoulder at me and says something I can’t hear. It would appear not everyone is on board the let’s forgive Victor for his stupidity train, and honestly, I understand.

Benji and I stop at my locker and he smiles at me, so I smile back. “I’m really proud of you,” he says.

I tilt my head at him. “Why?”

“The way you handled Mia,” he says. “Last night and just now.”

I exhale a little through my nose and bite my lip. “I still feel really shitty,” I say, “but I’m really glad she was at least willing to hear me out.”

He nods. “It’ll take time, but it looks to me like she’s already starting to come around.”

I smile. “Yeah. I think so.” I open my locker and pull out everything for my morning classes before we head toward Benji’s locker. Lucy shows up a minute after we do.

“Good morning,” Benji says looking at her as he packs his bag for morning classes.

“Morning,” she says and then she turns to me. “Victor.”

“Yeah?” I say, smiling at tilting my head. I have no idea what to expect. Benji hasn’t even really told me how much she knows.

“Look, Benji told me what happened this weekend,” she says, glancing at him. “And I wanted to tell you, I’m really sorry you’re dealing with all that. And I’m really happy for you guys. Derek was kind of an asshole, so I’m really glad someone was finally able to make him see reason about it.” She laughs a little and Benji turns around to glare at her. “You seem like a really great kid, Victor. I look forward to getting to know you better.”

“Thanks,” I say and I smile at her and she smiles back.

“Well,” she says, turning back to Benji. “I’ll see you in class!” He nods and then she disappears. Benji turns to me and smiles a little.

“I’m sorry about her,” he says.

I laugh a little and shrug. “It’s okay.”

He closes his locker and we head toward the gym. “Hopefully Mia talked to Andrew after your conversation last night,” he says when we stop outside the locker room. I nod.

“That would be nice, but I’m not holding my breath.”

“Okay, well, I’ll be here after, okay? I love you.”

I laugh a little. “I love you, too,” I say and then I kiss him. He catches my face in his hands as I’m about to pull away and kisses me for an extra second. When he lets me go, he chuckles a little and smiles at me. I smile back and then he waves as he turns to walk toward his class.

When I get to my locker, Andrew is already glaring at me. I roll my eyes as I open my locker and start pulling out my gym clothes. “Andrew.”

“Look, Salazar, I don’t know what the fuck you two think you’re playing at…”

I close my eyes for a second and then turn around to face him. “Have you even talked to Mia?” I ask. He doesn’t answer. “Because I have.” His eyes narrow. “Yeah. Let’s just say, she knows a lot more than you do about the whole situation and she needs time to process everything, but.” I shrug a little. He doesn’t say anything, but he harumpfs as he turns back to his locker, so I roll my eyes again and start getting changed.

Andrew doesn’t even look at me all through class. He stays in his corner of the gym with Teddy and Kieran and I’m grateful. When we get back to the locker room, he doesn’t say anything as he glares at me for a minute. I just shake my head and get changed before heading out into the hallway to meet Benji. He smirks at me and I laugh. “Hey,” I say as I get closer to him.

“Hey yourself,” he says. “You seem better than yesterday. Did he talk to Mia?”

I shake my head. “No, but I told him I did, so I’m sure he will.” Benji nods and takes my hand as we set off toward second period.

After second period, Benji walks me to health and we stop outside the door. He leans his head to look into the classroom. “Looks like Mia’s actually attending class with you today,” he says and I glance over my shoulder to see that he’s right. She meets my eyes and smiles a little for a second before turning to talk to Lake and Felix. I smile, too, and turn back to Benji. “So,” he says, “neither of us work today.”

“Oh really?”

He chuckles. “Yep. So… what do you want to do after school?”

“Hmm,” I say and pretend to think about it. He chuckles and raises an eyebrow. I lean forward and put my lips next to his ear. “I’ve barely stopped thinking about Sunday afternoon since it happened,” I whisper. “I could go for a repeat of that.” I pull back to look at his face and he’s smirking at me so I chuckle and kiss him. He catches my face in his hands again and we’re kissing for longer than we probably should be. I feel his tongue trace my lips and I let him pull me closer. The bell rings. We pull apart and laugh. “I’ll see you after class,” I say as I turn around and walk into the classroom.

Felix is barely holding in his laughter as I walk to my seat. “Shut up!” I tell him and I can feel my face burning. He laughs out loud for a second as I sit down.

The guy sitting next to me clears his throat and I turn toward him. “I don’t care what you f*gg*ts do behind closed doors, but no one wants to see two fucking f*gg*ts with their tongues down each other’s throats when we’re just trying to get to class.” I freeze. _What?_

“What the _hell_ did you just say?” comes another voice and I turn around to see Andrew getting out of his seat. I’m sort of taken aback for a moment.

“You heard me, Spencer,” the guy says. “No one wants to see a couple of fucking f*gg*ts with their tongues crammed down each other’s throats while we’re walking to class. It’s disgusting.”

“Logan,” Andrew says. “I don’t know who the hell you think you are, but that word is _not_ okay. I don't see you complaining when Lake and Felix are half swallowing each other's faces.”

“What?” the guy who is apparently called Logan asks. “Don’t tell me you’re some kind of fucking f*gg*t, too?”

Andrew opens his mouth to respond, but I don’t hear anything else that’s said, because now I’m actually having a full-blown panic attack. The only thing I can hear is my own heartbeat. I can’t breathe right; it feels like someone dropped a thousand-pound weight on my chest. And then I’m sobbing uncontrollably and I drop my head to the table on my arms as I try to figure out what’s happening. I feel like I’m not even inside my own body. It’s like I’m watching myself fall apart from above. I feel movement behind me, but I can’t get out of the way. I can’t move at all. Then there’s a hand on my back and I don’t know who it even belongs to, because I can’t lift my head.

I don’t know how much time passes, but it finally registers that someone is saying my name. I try to respond but it comes out as more of a groan. The hand on my back moves up and down a little bit. “Victor?” the voice asks again and it registers as female, but my brain’s so foggy I have no idea who it is. I finally manage to lift my head a second later and the first thing I notice is that Ms. Thomas is standing in front of me and she looks really concerned. “Victor?” she says again and it finally clicks that she’s the one that’s be talking. I swallow and nod. “Do you think you can get up and go to the guidance office?” I pause for a second before I nod again. “Okay. One of you should accompany him,” she says. That’s when I realize there’s three people crouched down next to me. Felix has his hand on my back. Lake and Mia are both beside the table looking at me with sympathetic eyes.

“I’ll go,” Felix says a moment later.

“Thank you, Mr. Weston,” Ms. Thomas says and I look at her again. She’s walking back to her desk. “I’ll call to let them know you’re on your way.”

Felix keeps his hand on my back as I get to my feet. I start to pick up my backpack but he grabs it first. “I’ll carry that,” he says and I let him. I’m in no state to argue. We walk toward the door and I feel like I’m moving in slow motion, but Felix doesn’t complain. Once we’re in the hallway he tells me to put my arm around his shoulders and I do. I let him support me as we start walking toward the office.

My brain is still so foggy, that I don’t even register when we turn down a hallway filled with about 20 students. But then suddenly a voice breaks through the fog. “What the hell?”

“Um…” Felix starts to say, but then I look up and Benji’s staring at me with the softest, most concerned expression I’ve ever seen and I lose my grip on reality again. I’m sobbing and I just launch myself at him, locking my arms around his neck.

He freezes for a second, but then his arms lock tightly around my back and he starts whispering words I can’t understand next to my ear. I don’t know how much time passes before I start to understand what he’s saying to me. “I’m here,” he whispers. “I’ve got you. It’s going to be okay.” I tighten my arms. “Maybe don’t strangle me though,” he says quietly and I loosen my arms, but he tightens his. “Can I take you to the guidance office now?” he asks. I think for a second and then I nod against his shoulder.

I let go, but only with one arm. I pull his shoulders toward me with the other and he chuckles a little as he tightens the arm still around my back. He bends down and picks up my backpack which Felix must have left on the floor, I realize, and then he turns his head. It’s in that moment that I realize his entire third period class and the art teacher are all staring at us. “Um, I’ll be right back,” Benji says.

The teacher smiles a little. “That seems a little more important that changing out the student work displays,” he says. “Take care of your boyfriend, Mr. Campbell. We’ll survive without you this time.”

“Thank you,” Benji whispers and then he tightens his arm around my back again and we start walking toward the office.

We’re about to pass the main office (the guidance department is the next door), when Andrew emerges with a smug grin on his face. He freezes when he sees us and the grin fades to a look of concern. “Hey, um, Salazar, are you… are you alright?” I bite my lip and try to nod. He looks like he doesn’t believe me. “Look, I need to get back to class, but I hope you’re actually okay, Victor,” he says and then his eyes flick to Benji’s face. “Benji,” he says with a quick nod and then he takes off in the opposite direction.

“What happened?” Benji asks as he opens the door to the guidance department.

“Um,” I say and I look over at him. He has his head tilted. “Well, it wasn’t Andrew if that wasn’t obvious.” He nods once.

“Okay,” he says and I can tell he’s not satisfied with my answer, but he doesn’t push it so that’s another thing to add to the list of reasons I’m in love with him.

“Mr. Campbell?” the woman behind the desk says when she looks up at us. “I thought we were done with you after last week…”

“Um, yeah,” he says. “Not here for me.” He tightens his arm around me. “Uh, I think Ms. Thomas called down.”

The woman’s eyes go wide for a second and she nods. “This must be Mr. Salazar.” He nods. “Let me get Mr. Crow,” she says. “Victor, honey, you can have a seat and he should be right out for you, alright?” I try to nod at her. “Mr. Campbell, you can return to your class.”

“No,” I say quickly. I throw my other arm back around his neck and he chuckles a little as he wraps his other arm back around me.

“Um,” he says. “I have Mr. Taylor this period. We were just changing out the displays. He said it was fine if I took care of this instead.”

I can’t see anything, because my face is buried in Benji’s shoulder again, but I assume the secretary nods because I hear her footsteps trailing away and then a knock. Benji tightens his arms around me. “Okay, can we sit down?” he asks and I nod against him. He steps backwards and I step with him until he pulls me down onto the ratty old sofa in the waiting area. I sit next to him and lean my head against his shoulder as he holds me close. He leans his head against the top of mine.

Benji looks up and I hear the secretary returning to her desk. “Mr. Crow will be out for you in just a minute, Mr. Salazar,” she says. I nod against Benji’s shoulder and he tightens his arm for a second.

“Thank you, Mrs. Ditzler,” Benji says. The secretary doesn’t respond.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated M
> 
> TW/CW - discussion of homophobia; allusion to previous use of the f-slur; anxiety; panic attacks

“Victor?” a man’s voice says from behind me. I turn my head. “Hi, I’m Mr. Crow, one of the guidance counselors. I just spoke with your teacher and I’d like to talk to you about what happened, okay?” I nod. “Can you come with me to my office?” he asks and I don’t move, I just look at Benji. I need him with me. He’s the only thing keeping me in reality right now as my brain tries so hard to shift back to panic.

“I’ll see you at lunch,” Benji whispers. “It’s okay, Vic.”

I shake my head and hug him tightly. I don’t know what happens silently over my head between Benji and Mr. Crow, but the next thing I know, Mr. Crow clears his throat a little. “Victor, would you be willing to come talk to me about this if we bring Mr. Campbell with us?” I pause for a second, but then I turn around and nod. “Okay, boys, if you’ll come with me. We can talk in my office.”

I look back at Benji for a second and he nods. “It’s okay,” he says again and I take a deep breath as I follow him to my feet. He picks up my backpack and puts it over his shoulder before taking my hand in his as we walk toward Mr. Crow.

“Eileen?” Mr. Crow says, leaning toward the secretary’s desk. She looks up. “Can you mark that both of these gentlemen will be spending the rest of the period with me please?”

“Of course,” she says and then she starts clicking and typing on her computer.

“Thank you,” Mr. Crow says and then he leads us back a narrow hallway. He opens a door on the right side about half-way down the hall and holds it open while gesturing for us to enter. He follows us inside and the door closes. “You can sit on the sofa, boys, and I’ll be right with you, okay?” he says.

Benji and I both nod and then edge behind the coffee table and onto the small loveseat. We’re in what I assume to be Mr. Crow’s office. On one side of the room, there’s a large desk with a lot of storage cabinets around it and a computer. Mr. Crow himself, is currently rifling through one of the drawers of this desk. On the other side of the room is the loveseat Benji and I are sitting on and a worn out armchair along with a bookshelf and a lamp. On the coffee table in front of us is a box of standard school tissues. Mr. Crow stands up from his desk holding a pen and a notepad. He smiles at us for a moment and then walks over to sit in the armchair.

“So,” Mr. Crow says, looking at me carefully. “Victor, Ms. Thomas has already told me what happened from where she was standing, but I was hoping you’d be able to tell me what you remember, too.” He waits and I don’t respond. “Do you think you can do that?”

I take a deep breath and nod a little. Mr. Crow smiles and Benji’s hand moves up and down on my shoulder. “Um, when I got to health class,” I say slowly. “Um, the kid that sits next to me, he… he said some things. He, uh, used a slur.”

“What?” Benji says. Mr. Crow glances at him.

I take a deep breath and nod again. “Um, Andrew asked him what he said. He said it again. Andrew started telling him off. He used the word again and then I don’t know. I had a panic attack,” I say. “I… I’ve never had one that bad before.”

“Given the circumstances,” Mr. Crow says. “I’m not surprised.” He pauses for a second and glances at Benji again, so I do, too. Benji is looking at me with a mixture of disbelief and sadness in his eyes. I try to smile at him and holds me closer. “Um,” Mr. Crow says, drawing my attention back. “From what Ms. Thomas told me. Once she regained her composure from the shock of the incident, she had Andrew accompany the offender to the office where he is currently meeting with Ms. Albright who will take care of the disciplinary actions as it relates to Creekwood’s zero tolerance policy.”

“Who?” Benji says. “Who was it?”

I look at him. “I don’t remember his name,” I say. “He sits next to me in health.” I shrug. “It doesn’t really matter.” Benji bites his lip but nods once.

“What did he say?” Benji asks after a second of silence.

I shrug and shake my head. I don’t want to repeat those words. Benji looks over me toward Mr. Crow and I hear him swallow behind. “Um,” he says and takes a deep breath. “Victor, do you mind if I…” he asks.

I shake my head. “He… he should know. I mean… it was about him, too.” Benji looks at me, his eyes searching my face.

“I figured as much,” Mr. Crow says and I almost laugh. “Um, the student,” he continues, “seemed to have a problem with a PDA that occurred between the two of you.” _That’s one way to put it._ “He chose to use a very inappropriate word in the process.” I look up at Benji and he’s looking at me and biting his lip.

“It’s the word I’m thinking of, right?” he asks and I nod.

“I believe so, Mr. Campbell.”

Benji sighs. “God, Vic, after the weekend you had it’s really no wonder you had a panic attack,” he says and then he turns to wrap both arms around me and hug me tight.

“Weekend?” Mr. Crow prompts from behind me.

Benji freezes for a second and then he tightens his arms and lowers his lips to my ear. “I am so sorry for what’s about to happen. I should have kept my mouth shut,” he whispers.

And I hug him back and nod against his chest. I know he didn’t mean to start this conversation, but I am kind of concerned about what Mr. Crow’s going do if we tell him about… _that_ situation. We stay there, frozen in time for a long minute and then Mr. Crow clears his throat behind me. “Um, boys?” he says. “What happened this weekend?”

I take a deep breath and sigh. Benji hugs me tightly for another second and then releases his arms so I can turn around to face the guidance counselor. “Um,” I say, biting my lip. “I, uh, came out… to my parents on Friday night.” He nods. “Um, they didn’t take it so well.”

A sad look washes over his face. “Did your parents use this type of language?”

“Not to me directly… or in English, but probably when they were talking. I wouldn’t be surprised.” He just looks at me for a long second, so I continue. “Um, when… or if my Abuelo finds out, he’s probably going to have a lot worse things to say that what that kid did.”

“I’m so sorry, Victor,” Mr. Crow says and then he pauses and glances at Benji for a second. “Um, do you… do you feel safe at home, Victor?”

I hesitate for a second, but then I shake my head. “Um, I… I haven’t been home since Saturday,” I admit. His eyes go wide and he waits for me to continue. “And I’m worried. About my brother and sister,” I say. “But I guess our dad left… on Sunday. My sister called me. She doesn’t know where he is. My mom was mad at him for making me leave.”

“Did he kick you out?” Mr. Crow asks.

I swallow. “Um, not exactly, he… he said a lot of things on Saturday morning, and then he said if I wouldn’t do what he was asking, I could leave and not come back.” I shrug. “I took that option.”

“What was he asking you to do, Victor?”

“Uh,” I say and then I pause. “Um, not… not talk to my friends. Or at least not talk to Benji,” I add and then I glance at him and he tightens his arm around me. “And, uh, go to church with my mom, and… I don’t know. He was… really angry and I was scared he was going to do something more than yell.”

“He didn’t?” I shake my head. “Has he before?”

I swallow. “Not to me or us… but he, uh… he beat up his boss back in Texas. That’s why he got fired and we had to move.”

“Was he angry when that happened?” Mr. Crow asks and I nod. “Do you know what caused his anger?” I take a deep breath and nod again. He looks at me expectantly.

“Um,” I say and then I swallow. “My… my mom had an affair… with his boss and when she told him… he… he did that. I… don’t really know the whole story. They never told us. They didn’t even tell us that until I overheard them arguing last week and we only found out about the affair because my sister was setting up my mom’s Facebook account for her and… he messaged her.”

“Victor,” he says. “That’s… a lot.”

“It is,” I agree.

He sighs and looks at the clock. “It’s time for fourth period,” he says and I look at Benji who looks at me. “Victor, I’d like to keep talking to you. There’s some things I need to ask you about if that’s okay.” I nod. “Um, would it be okay if we let Mr. Campbell go to his class now?”

I look at Benji for a second and the thought of him leaving, literally almost makes me cry, so I shake my head. “Please. I… I can’t.”

Mr. Crow closes his eyes for a long second. “Benjamin, what class do you have fourth period?”

“Chemistry, sir, with Mrs. Fry.”

Mr. Crow nods. “Do you have a test or anything today that you can’t miss?” Benji shakes his head. “Let me call her and confirm,” he says. “Just a minute.” He gets up and walks behind his desk. I look at Benji and he blinks and half-smiles at me.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“It’s okay,” he says and then he hugs me again. “If you need me here with you, there’s no where I’d rather be. Especially not chemistry class.” He chuckles a little. I hug him back and listen to Mr. Crow.

“Hey, Carolyn. It’s Jay down in the guidance office,” he says. “Yes, yes. I have one of your students for next period in my office right now and I was wondering if I might continue to borrow him.” He waits for her response. “Benjamin Campbell,” he says and then another pause. I sort of laugh a little through my nose. It’s always weird to me when someone uses Benji’s full name. “I will let him know. Thank you, Mrs. Fry.” I heard the phone click back onto the hook and look up at him. “Mrs. Fry says it’s fine if you stay with us, but she’d like you to stop by at some point before you leave school today so you can get your homework.”

Benji nods. “Thank you. I’ll make sure to see her.”

“And, Mr. Salazar, what do you have this period?”

“Algebra,” I say. “Mr. Franklin.”

“Well, I’ll give him a call, too, and then we’ll talk,” he says and then he’s dialing the phone again. “Hey, Ed. Jay Crow in Guidance.” A pause. “Yep, I have one of your fourth period students in my office right now and I’m going to need to keep him for a while. I just want to let you know.” Another pause. “Victor Salazar,” he says. “Yes. I will let him know. Thanks, Ed.” The phone clicks back onto the hook again and Mr. Crow turns back to us. “He said to make sure you get the homework from one of your classmates or to stop and see him before you leave today, alright?” I nod. “Good.” He walks back around the desk and sits in the armchair again. “Now, you told me you haven’t been home since Saturday.” I nod. “Do you parents know where you are, Victor?”

I stare at him for a second. “Um, I mean. I assume they know I’m at school right now.”

He closes his eyes and chuckles slightly. “Okay, I was more so asking if they know where you’ve been staying. And where _have_ you been staying?”

I swallow and glance at Benji for a second. “Uh, they don’t know. But I did talk to my mom on Sunday,” I say. “She knows I’m safe and that I don’t feel comfortable coming home yet. Because I’m scared my dad’ll come back.”

Mr. Crow nods. “That leaves my other question.”

I close my eyes. “I’ve been staying with a friend’s parents.”

“Which friend, Victor?”

I sigh. “Um, do you know Simon Spier?”

He looks taken aback for a second. “Yes. I mean, I haven't heard that name in years, but yes. I know him and his younger sister. I helped them both with post-secondary planning.”

I nod. “Um, I’m staying with their parents.”

Mr. Crow nods a little and tilts his head. “I know their mother quite well. I trust you’ve told them what’s going on?” I nod. “And, how do _you_ know them, Victor. If I’m not mistaken, your family just moved to Shady Creek in January.”

I laugh a little under my breath. “Uh, yeah. It’s kind of a long story.”

He raises his eyebrows. “We’ve got all period.”

I sigh and then I tell him about how I’ve been messaging Simon (and Bram) all year. I leave out the part about their roommates and definitely the part about running away to New York without telling anyone, but I tell him everything else. He smiles a little when I finish.

“It sounds like you owe Ms. Albright a pretty big thank you for telling you that story back in January,” he says and I nod. “And it also sounds like Mr. Spier and Mr. Greenfeld have been quite helpful this year. I’m glad to see you have such good friends, Mr. Salazar.”

“Thank you,” I say. “They’re kind of amazing.”

“And this boyfriend of yours seems pretty great, too,” he says, looking at Benji.

I chuckle a little and glance at him, too. Then I lean toward him and smile at Mr. Crow. “Yeah, Benji’s pretty much my favorite person.”

“Pretty much?” he asks with mock indignity.

I laugh and turn back to him. “You’re my favorite person,” I promise. “I’m just trying not to get all mushy in front of the guidance counselor.”

“I guess I forgive you.” He tightens his arm around me as we both look back at Mr. Crow who is smiling at us like a proud father.

“Well, gentlemen,” he says finally. “I think I’m satisfied with that discussion. And Victor you seem a lot better than when I first found you in the waiting room.”

“I feel a lot better, sir.”

“Good to hear,” he pauses and looks us over for a second. “Due to the severity of today’s incident and your reaction to it. I would like to speak with your mother, Victor. Would you be okay with me giving her a call after you leave?”

I bite my lip and look at Benji. He gives me a look, but doesn’t say anything. “Um,” I say, turning back to Mr. Crow. “I think that would be okay. Just… only my mom, please. Not my dad.”

Mr. Crow nods. “I can respect that,” he says. “Now.” He looks up at the clock. “We have about 5 minutes until lunch time, so why don’t you two head to the cafeteria and get yourselves something to eat. I’m going to phone your mother,” he adds looking to me. “And then later, I’m going to call your last period teacher and have you come back down and see me before the end of the day, just to check in, okay?”

I nod. “Okay.”

Mr. Crow smiles a little and then gets to his feet. Benji pulls me up, too, and picks up my backpack. “I think I can carry that myself now,” I say. He chuckles as he hands it to me. I slip the strap over my shoulder and take Benji’s hand as we walk out of the office and head back toward the waiting room. Mr. Crow asks the secretary to mark us both excused from fourth period as well and then he waves us out the door as the bell rings for lunch.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated T
> 
> Brief mention of the earlier homophobic incident.

When we get to the cafeteria, Benji looks at me. “Thoughts on lunch?”

I laugh a little. “Um, I'm hungry?”

He laughs and nods. “Okay, we’ll get food. I was more so asking about seating arrangements.”

“Oh,” I say and I look down for a second. “I should probably at least let everyone know I’m okay now, or more okay than I was. Basically, all of my friends were in that class.”

Benji nods. “Let’s get our food and then we’ll go find your friends, okay?” I agree and we get into line for food.

Once we both have our lunches, we head outside and I spot my friends immediately at our usual table. Everyone is back together and for whatever reason, Andrew is sitting with them. I point them out and we start walking in that direction, but Lucy pops up next to Benji a second later.

“There you are!” she says excitedly.

“Uh, yeah. Hey,” he says with a little sigh. “Um, this morning was kind of weird, so we’re gonna go sit with Victor’s friends at least for a bit. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

She frowns and looks at him. “Weird how?”

He takes a deep breath and holds it for a second as we stop to talk. “Something happened in Victor’s third period. We just spent most of the past 2 periods in Mr. Crow’s office.”

Her face scrunches. “What… what happened?” She glances at me and then Benji gives me a look, asking my permission to tell her.

I tell her instead. “Uh, some kid in my class said some things about me and Benji and I had a panic attack,” I say. “Felix was walking me to the guidance office when we ran into him.” I nudge Benji with my shoulder. “And I refused to let him go for a solid two class periods because I’m a fucking disaster.”

She makes a face and shakes her head. “Are you okay?”

I nod. “I’m better now.”

“Good,” she says. “Um, I’ll leave you to it then. Call me later,” she says, punching Benji’s shoulder. “I miss having you to myself at school.”

Benji laughs for a second, but smiles at her. “Yeah, alright. I’ll call you later,” he says and then Lucy walks off.

We turn back toward my friends. None of them seem to have noticed us approaching yet. When we get close enough it’s just as Felix asks, “Has anyone heard from Victor?”

“What do you mean?” Pilar asks.

“Oh right,” he says, turning to her. “You wouldn’t know. Um…”

I cut him off. “Hey guys,” I say as we walk up.

“Victor!” Felix says, looking up, and he seems relieved. “How are you doing, buddy?”

I nod a little. “Better,” I say. “Thank you.” I look at all four of them. “All of you. Um, especially you, Andrew. You didn’t need to do that.”

He half-smiles at me. “I don’t care how pissed I am at you. No one talks to one of my guys like that. No one talks to _anyone_ like that in front of me. I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

I smile a little, too. “Thanks.”

“You guys can sit if you want,” Mia says. “I can’t be mad at you after that.”

I look at Benji and he shrugs, so we sit down on the only empty bench. I lean my shoulder against Benji’s once were both sitting and he smiles at me for a second before nodding to Pilar. “You might want to tell her what happened. Seeing as Mr. Crow said he was calling your mom…”

“Right,” I say and I look at my sister. Her eyes are wide as she stares at us. Between the six of us, we relay what happened in health to my sister. Just as they’re about to catch me up on what I missed after I managed to get out of my seat, Pilar’s phone vibrates on the table. She stares at the screen and then she looks at me. “Mom?” I ask and she nods. “Um, Mr. Crow said he was going to call her because of what happened and because I had such a bad panic attack.”

“Um, she’s asking me if I’ve talked to you,” she says. “What do you want me to tell her?”

“Whatever,” I say shrugging. “You can tell her you're currently having lunch with me.”

Pilar nods and types a reply. A second later her phone vibrates again. “She wants to know if you’re okay,” she says and then she pauses and glances at Benji. “Both of you.”

I stare at her dumbfounded for a second. “What did she say exactly?”

Pilar turns her phone around and pushes it toward me.

_Have you talked to Victor today?_

_we’re having lunch together now_

_How is he? Is he okay? And the boyfriend? Are they both okay?_

I show Benji, too and he stares at it for a minute and then looks at me. “Your mom’s admitting I’m your boyfriend now,” he says.

“It would seem so,” I say. “And she apparently wants to know if you’re okay.” We both just sort of stare at each other as I push Pilar’s phone back to her.

“So, what am I telling her?” she asks.

“Uh,” I start to say and then I realize something. “Oh my _God_.”

“What?” Benji asks.

“I just realized… he probably told my mom that we were making out in the hallway…” Benji immediately starts laughing and then I do, too and I glance over to see Pilar typing before she looks at us and snorts. “What did you tell her?” I ask.

“‘They’re both cackling maniacally over the fact that the guidance counselor probably told you they were making out in the hallway,’” she reads and I sigh.

“I hate you.”

She laughs. “No, you don’t.”

“I don’t, but still.”

Her phone buzzes again and she reads the text out loud. “'He did mention that. But are they okay? Really.'”

I nod. “Yeah. I’m a lot better than I was,” I say and then I glance at Benji.

“I’m good,” he says.

Pilar types another message and then Lake clears her throat, so I turn to her. “Hey, um,” she says and then she glances at Felix and then at Mia and then back to me and Benji. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I mean, I’m still pissed about everything that happened on Friday… and before, but I mean, you didn’t deserve what your parents did and you definitely didn’t deserve what Logan did, so,” she says and then she swallows. “We’re good, okay?”

I smile at her. “Thanks, Lake. I’m sorry, too. I… I made a lot of really shitty decisions in the past couple weeks and I’m trying to do right by all of you. I really am.”

She nods and smiles for a second and then she leans her head on Felix’s shoulder and his face lights up like a Christmas tree. I actually laugh. Apparently, he’s still not used to the fact that she isn’t hiding their relationship from everyone anymore. “So, how’s it been?” I ask them. “Being public together…”

They look at each other and smile. “Amazing,” Felix answers. Lake smiles at him for a second and then kisses him and I laugh again.

“Incredible,” she says to me and then she turns to Felix. “I’m sorry I was being such a jerk before,” she says. “It shouldn’t matter what anyone else thinks. It’s like I said on Friday, you make me happy and that’s worth it for me.” His face lights up again and I’m just so glad my best friend got his happy ending.

Pilar’s phone buzzes again, so I turn back to her. “Um, Vic?” she says looking up. I nod. “Uh, mom wants to talk to you.”

I close my eyes and sigh. I feel Benji’s hand slip onto my thigh under the table and it’s all I need to stay attached to the moment. I swallow hard and look back at my sister. “Give me her number,” I say, pulling out my phone. “Ask her when she’s done with lessons tonight. I’ll call her.”

Benji’s looking at me with panic on his face. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

I nod. “Yeah,” I say. “After today? Yeah.” He looks at my face like he’s trying to find something and I just stare back. “I’m sure,” I say after a minute and he nods, so I look to Pilar.

“7,” she says.

“Okay. I’ll call her at like 7:30,” I say and then Pilar gives me the phone number to save in my phone and I shove it back into my pocket.

Benji leans toward my ear. “You should tell Simon what happened today. He’d want to know,” he whispers and then he kisses my cheek.

“You’re right,” I say. “Remind me after school?”

He nods. “Does that mean you still want to come over?”

“Are you actually insane?” I ask and he stares at me until I laugh. “You are. Okay, _yes_ , I still want to come over. In case I couldn’t be more fucking obvious, you’re the only reason I actually stopped having a massive panic attack earlier.” He gives me a look like he doesn’t believe me and I continue to stare at him in shock. “Wow, okay, we’re gonna talk about this later. Because they,” I say nodding toward my friends and sister who are all staring at us, “do not need to hear what I’m going to tell you.” He chuckles and my sister looks like she might vomit. Felix looks like he might burst with curiosity and the other three look like they _definitely_ do _not_ want to know.

Benji leans back to my ear. “Does that mean you still want a repeat of Sunday afternoon, too?” he whispers so quietly I can barely understand him. I turn to look at him and I feel my face burning. I nod once and he chuckles again. “Good to know,” he says.

“Okay,” Andrew finally says. “I do _not_ want to know what you two are whispering about over there. Can we talk about something else, please?”

“Thank you, Andrew,” Lake says.

“Literally _anything_ else,” Pilar adds.

I look at Mia and I can’t read her expression, but she’s looking back at me so I mouth _sorry_ silently and she smiles a little and mouths _it’s okay_ back. I smile at her for a second and then we both start paying attention to the conversation that’s sprung up around us.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated T
> 
> TW/CW: description of panic attacks and dissociation (though that word isn't used)

After lunch, Benji walks me to my locker. “So,” he says as I open the door and start packing my bag for the afternoon. I glance at him. “You’re coming over after school.”

I roll my eyes. “I believe that is the plan, yes.”

“You’re sure?” he says.

I close my eyes for a second and then I look at him. “Are you serious right now?” His eyes dart around for a second and then he nods. I shake my head a little and I can’t help but laugh. “Benji, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you this, but _yes_ , I’m sure I want to come over after school. Do you not want me to?”

He laughs this time. “No, no. I just… I don’t know. After everything that happened this morning, I guess I’d understand if you wanted to…”

“If I wanted to what?” He shrugs and I stare at him. “I have no idea what you’re getting at, but if anything, the whole mess made me want to spend time with you even more, so…”

“Oh,” he says.

“Benji, do you seriously not understand that _you_ are the reason I was able to pull myself together? Do you know why I didn’t let you leave… any of the times someone suggested it?” He shakes his head and shrugs. “Because,” I say, “you holding me was the only thing that was keeping me… I don’t know how to explain it exactly.”

“I don’t understand,” he says after a second.

“Um, for a while, in the classroom… I had no idea what was happening around me. I barely even knew what was happening inside me. My own thoughts didn’t make any sense. And then it was like I was watching myself fall apart in third person. I still couldn’t hear what was happening around me or really even see anything besides myself. But I felt like I was literally watching myself fall apart.”

“That sounds horrible,” he whispers.

I nod. “It was. I finally calmed down enough to hear what Ms. Thomas was saying and to realize that Felix, Lake, and Mia were next to me. Um, I let Felix help me up and we started walking. I think he was talking to me, but I couldn’t tell you a word he said. And, I felt like I was… falling apart again. Like I was going to slip back out of myself. But then we found you or you found us and it was like I knew that if I was with you, everything would be okay. I don’t know why, but something in me knew. Your voice was the first thing I heard or understood after we left the classroom.” He’s staring at me, looking entirely dumbfound. “Like I told Lucy. I’m a fucking disaster.”

“You’re not a disaster, Vic,” he says and he’s smiling at me a little. “You were scared and your brain was trying to protect you.” He pauses for a second. “And I would _never_ let anyone hurt you. Maybe your subconscious picked up on that.”

“Maybe,” I agree.

“You said Emily offered to have you see one of her psychologist friends, didn’t you?” I nod. “I think that might be a good idea,” he says. “Especially after today.”

I swallow and nod. “I think you might be right,” I say and then I look at my watch. “However, right now, I need to go to history class.”

“I should probably go to Pre-Calc,” he says.

“Yeah,” I agree. “Meet me back here after school?”

He rolls his eyes and laughs. “I’ll see you after next period,” he says and he starts to turn away, but I catch him by the wrist.

“I think you’re forgetting something,” I say. He tilts his head at me and I roll my eyes and laugh before I kiss him. “Okay, now you can go to class.”

He smiles for a second. “I didn’t know if after earlier…”

I nod a little. “Yeah. I get it. Um, we can talk about that later, but for right now. Yes, I love you and I want to kiss you,” I say and then I lean next to his ear and add in a whisper, “and do other things to you.” I pull back and wink. “And yeah, so I’ll see you after class,” I say and he’s smirking at me. “Go on, before you’re late.”

“I love you, too.” He laughs a little and then he turns and walks away toward his locker.

I feel a little empty when he leaves and it scares me. I really need to ask Emily to contact that friend. This doesn’t feel healthy. I shouldn’t be sad because my boyfriend is going to class. I’m literally going to see him in 43 minutes. I shake my head at my own ridiculousness and set off toward history class.

I almost forget about Mr. Crow’s promise to call me to his office during last period until Mr. Martin’s phone rings just as he’s about to write our homework assignment on the board. “Just a minute, folks,” he says as he steps to answer it. “Hello?” he says. “Oh, yeah, who did you need?” He pauses. “Sure, sure. I’m just assigning the homework and then I’ll send him down.” Another pause. “No problem at all, Jay.” He walks back to the board and finishes writing the assignment out. “Uh, Victor,” he says and I look up. “Mr. Crow wanted to speak with you. Once you have this copied down, you can go ahead down there, alright?” I nod and finish copying the assignment into my notebook.

When I get to the guidance office, Mr. Crow is already standing in the waiting room. He smiles at me when I enter. “Victor!” he says. “How was the rest of your day?”

I shrug. “Alright. Um, lunch was actually really nice,” I say. “I don’t know what you told my mom, but… thanks, I think.” He tilts his head at me. “Um, she texted my sister during lunch because she wanted to know if I was okay, but she also asked about Benji which kind of threw all three of us for a loop.”

He nods a little. “Have you spoken with her yet?”

I shake my head. “Not yet. Um, I’m going to call her later. I got her number from my sister and saved it into my new phone.”

“You didn’t have your mother’s phone number?”

“Oh, I guess I didn’t fully explain. They took my phone on Friday night and wouldn’t give it back, so I went to Target and bought a prepaid one.”

He nods. “I see. Well, in speaking with your mother, it sounded as though she’d really like to talk to you, Victor.”

“Yeah. Like I said. I’m going to call her later. I got my sister to ask when she finishes lessons tonight and I’m going to call her after that.”

“Lessons?” he asks.

“She teaches piano.”

“Oh!” he says. “That’s nice. Alright, well I’m happy you’re going to speak with her. I think maybe you should also tell her where you’re staying if you’re not going to go home.”

“Um, I don’t know that she’d understand that whole situation, Mr. Crow, but we’ll see.”

He nods once. The bell rings. “Ah, well, I don’t want to keep you. Have a good evening, Mr. Salazar. Don’t hesitate to come and see me if ever you should need anything, alright?”

I nod and smile at him. “Thank you. For everything you’ve done for me today. I really appreciate it.”

He smiles back. “It’s what I’m here for,” he says and then he waves and turns to walk toward his office.

I turn to look at the secretary. “Thank you, too,” I say and wave at her.

She nods. “Have a good day, Victor.”

“Thanks,” I say and then I leave the office and head for Benji’s locker.

“Oh!” he says looking up when I tap his shoulder.

“Hey,” I say and then I hug him and he laughs.

“What was that for?” he asks, turning back to his locker to finish putting his homework into his bag.

I shrug a little. “Being the best boyfriend ever.”

He laughs. “I don’t know about all that, but sure, I’ll take it.” He closes his locker and spins the lock before grabbing my hand. “Are we ready to go?”

I shake my head. “I still need to go to my locker,” I say. “I was coming from the guidance office and you were closer.

“I forgot he was going to call you back down. How’d that go?” he says as we start walking toward my locker.

“Good,” I say. “He’s glad I’m going to call my mom. He thinks I should tell her where I’m staying.” I roll my eyes a little at the thought. “I don’t know about _that_ part, but I’ll talk to her.”

He nods as we come to a stop. “So, I’m going to warn you now, so it doesn’t look like a set-up, but my parents aren’t going to be home when we get there.”

I tilt my head at him. “All the better. You won’t spend the whole afternoon shushing me this time,” I say with a wink. “Um, do they know I’m coming over?”

“No,” he says. “Should they?”

“Unless you plan on making me leave before they get home, probably,” I say as I start putting my homework into my bag.

“They won’t care,” he says.

“I realize that, but won’t they like check on you if they don’t know you have company?”

“Probably not?”

“Probably doesn’t sound like definitely,” I say. “For my sanity, please just tell them.”

He rolls his eyes. “I will text my mother right now,” he says and I watch as he pulls his phone from his pocket and starts typing.

I finish packing my backpack and sling it over my shoulder as I close my locker. I turn back to Benji. “Ready to go?”

“Yep,” he says as he shoves his phone back in his pocket and takes my hand.

“What did you tell your mom exactly?” I ask as we start walking toward the exit.

He laughs. “Um, let’s see if I can remember,” he says and then he thinks for a second. “Victor is coming over after school. He’s demanding that I tell you this for God knows what reason.” I roll my eyes as his phone buzzes in his pocket. He pulls it out with his free hand and laughs when he reads the text. “My mother says ‘Thank you,’” he says. I peak over his shoulder at the message.

_Because he’s a considerate young man, Benjamin. Tell him thank you for me. Is he staying for dinner or are you two going to disappear as soon as I walk in the door?_

I chuckle and he rolls his eyes. “So, are you staying for dinner?”

“Um, I have to call my mom at 7:30 and I’d kind of like you there when I do that, so… if that’s okay…” He nods and pulls his hand out of mine so he can type the reply.

_He says yes to staying for dinner. We’ll see you later._

He shoves the phone back into his pocket and reconnects our hands. We’re quiet for a minute as we walk toward the student parking lot. “Am I just your security blanket now?” he asks.

And I laugh a little. “Um, kind of, I think. Is that weird?”

He shrugs a little and squeezes my hand. “Not exactly. I just don’t understand what I’m even doing that’s apparently helping you so much.”

I sigh and squeeze his hand back. “Existing.”

He rolls his eyes. “Sure, Victor, my very existence is what brings you comfort. That’s definitely it,” he says sarcastically.

“It is though,” I say quietly. He comes to a stop and turns to face me. He looks at me with an expression I don’t understand and I stare back. “What?” I ask.

“I don’t understand,” he says.

“I don’t either if I’m being honest,” I say. “But when I’m with you it… I don’t know things seem easier? My anxiety stays in check. You’re like a living, breathing Xanax.” He laughs. “Okay, that was kind of dumb,” I admit. “But I don’t know how to explain it. Like I said earlier. I was on the verge of going back to that weird panic place that I don’t even feel like myself when Felix and I ran into you. And as soon as I saw you; as soon as I hugged you; it was better. I felt like I could breathe again. And then every time someone suggested you leave; I could feel the panic creeping back in and I just clung to you because I was so scared of falling back into that hole and not having you to pull me out again. I know it shouldn’t be your job to rescue me from my own broken brain. I know that’s like a lot of pressure or whatever. But today… today it’s the only thing that worked.”

He just stares at me for a second. The silence is deafening. It’s like all the cars and students around us aren’t even there. Then he swallows and takes his hand out of mine. I start to freak out for a second before his arms wrap tightly around me. He still doesn’t say anything, but he just holds me for a long minute and eventually my brain wakes up enough to wrap my arms around him, too. We stay there, in the middle of the parking lot, for longer than we probably should, just holding each other.

When we finally pull apart, he looks at my face again and shakes his head a little. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I had no idea.”

I smile at him for a second. “It’s okay. How were you supposed to know if I didn’t tell you?”

He nods once and reconnects our hands as we start walking again. I remember where we are then and laugh a little as I look around to make sure we weren’t actively in someone’s way during that whole thing. No one seems to be angry, so there’s that at least and then I realize, the car we stopped behind is turned on and I walk more quickly to get out of the way. The driver’s window rolls down and the driver laughs. “Would you two get out of my way? I just wanna go home,” he says and I laugh.

“Shut up, Andrew. No one cares,” I say sarcastically. He laughs again and once we’re fully out of the way, he backs out of the space and waves before driving toward the exit.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated: E
> 
> The first part of this got angstier than intended and then the second part got about as smutty as intended (though not the actual smut yet).

Benji parks in his driveway and then turns to look at me with a weird little half-smile on his face. I raise my eyebrows. “I just want to say this before we go inside, okay?” I nod and scrunch up my face. “We don’t actually have to do anything other than hang out, okay? If you wanna just do homework, or talk, or watch a movie, or whatever else, I’m fine with that.”

I laugh a little through my nose and smile at him. “You’re ridiculous.” He raises an eyebrow, so I sigh. “If nothing else, I really want to cuddle with you. I want to be close to you,” I say. “And if Sunday is any indication, that’s going to turn into kissing pretty quickly, and kissing’s going to turn into other things pretty quickly, too. And that’s okay. I just want to be with you right now, Benji. And I know that sounds clingy and needy and a little absurd, but it’s the truth.”

He half-smiles again. “Okay. Let’s go inside.” I smile at him for real and all I want is for him to smile back, but he just keeps looking at me. I roll my eyes and offer the cheesiest grin I can muster instead and he laughs a little. “What’re you doing?” he asks.

“Trying to get you to actually smile,” I say, biting my lip. He smirks at me and shakes his head. “I have my ways,” I promise with a wink and he finally laughs. “Better,” I say. He shakes his head and opens the door, so I open mine too and we walk toward the house. He grabs my hand as we get to the porch. I look at him and he’s still looking at me with this oddly concerned expression. “Can you stop worrying, please?”

He scrunches his face. “I don’t know,” he says.

“Can you try?”

He sighs. “The way you were earlier,” he says as he opens the door. “It scared me. It was like there was nothing I could do to help you and you so desperately needed help, Vic. I… I don’t know. I feel like it’s my fault.”

“How on earth could that have been your fault?” I say as I roll my eyes and follow him inside. “Also, I’ve already told you, _you did help_.”

“I was kissing you,” he says. “And your classmate saw and he said that terrible word and then you had a panic attack. That’s how it’s my fault.”

He lets go of my hand and starts to walk up the stairs but I put both of my hands on his shoulders before he can turn around. “No. Listen to me. Listen to me right now,” I say. “This is not your fault. My brain is broken. I had a panic attack because of the mess that’s been everything since Saturday morning on top of whatever the hell that kid said. It was just another thing adding to the already burning inferno of anxiety and it was too much for my brain to handle. That’s all. You did nothing wrong, Benji. _Nothing._ ”

He closes his eyes for a second and shakes his head. “You’re not seeing this clearly at all, are you?”

I shake him a little. “Jesus, okay, I’m really sorry, but you need to listen to me,” I say my voice starting to rise. “You didn’t do anything wrong. Stop blaming yourself. Stop worrying. Just stop. Please. My parents did something wrong. _I_ did something wrong. Whatever the hell that kid in my health class’s name is did something wrong. _You_ didn’t do anything wrong. I kissed you just as much as you kissed me and to be fair, it wasn’t so much the kissing that was his problem as the… what did he say? ‘Tongues down each other’s throats.’ So, yeah, maybe we should save the making out for after school hours, but fucking hell, Benji. I did not go through the dumpster fire that was this weekend to let some asinine homophobe shove me back in the closet two days later.” I take a deep breath and he opens his mouth to speak, but I keep going instead. “And just to be perfectly clear: if every gross-ass hetero couple in our fucking school can kiss each other in the hallways we fucking can, too. Yes, I had a panic attack. Probably the worst panic attack of my life if I’m being fair, but I survived. I figured it out, thanks to you. You were the bright spot in that situation not the problem, Benji. So, please, for the love of God, can you stop worrying and stop blaming yourself so we can go back to having a nice afternoon together?” He just stares at me and doesn’t say anything for a long minute and I stare back, waiting. Finally, I drop my hands. “I’m sorry for yelling at you,” I say quietly.

He closes his eyes for a second and bites his lips. “No,” he says. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I needed that.” He pauses for a second and half-smiles. “I just have a really hard time believing that I could be the good thing in a situation like this. Um, that’s partially my fault I guess for having such shit self-esteem, but it’s also because…” He sighs. “Because Derek is… was an asshole that blamed me for literally everything that went wrong and constantly put me down and made me feel bad about myself in _every_ situation.”

I take a deep breath. “I will literally spend the rest of my life proving that asshole wrong if that’s what it takes to make you believe me, Benji. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. Please, give yourself some credit here. You single-handedly saved me from myself earlier. I have no idea what I would have done without you there. I’ll explain it as many times as you need to hear it. You’re amazing and wonderful and you deserve to hear that every single day. I love you so much, okay?” He nods. “Can we actually go back to enjoying an afternoon together that doesn’t involve being at work? Please?”

He smiles a little. “I love you, too.”

I laugh a little. “Is that a yes?”

He nods a little. “Can I... Can I just hug you first?” he asks and opens his arms.

I step forward and wrap my arms around him. “You can always hug me,” I say. “You don’t have to ask. Boyfriend privileges.”

I feel him laugh a little and he holds me tighter. I tighten my arms in response. “I love you so much,” he says quietly. “I’m sorry for making you angry. You don’t deserve that.”

I almost laugh. “I was only angry because you think so little of yourself,” I say. “Because you thought you caused something that was clearly not your fault. I love you, too, and I really really just want you to understand that you are the brightest spot in all of my days. You make things better in every possible way.” I squeeze him tighter again for a long second. “Can we go upstairs now?”

He nods against my shoulder and we step away from each other. He smiles at me, genuinely, finally. “I’m still sorry,” he says and I shake my head. “I’m sorry for being sorry, but I’m also sorry that I’m such a mess and that you have to actually spell all that out for me. You’re the brightest spot in my days, too, Vic.”

I smile at him and then hold out my hand. He laces his fingers through mine and we finally walk up the stairs and into his bedroom. He looks like he’s about to apologize again when he turns around from closing the door, so I cut him off with a kiss instead and he laughs when I step away. “No more apologies,” I say as I take my backpack off and drop it next to his desk. He drops his bag next to mine and rolls his eyes. “Now, if _you_ don’t want a repeat of Sunday, fine, but I want cuddles.” I walk toward his bed and sit down to look at him. He shakes his head and rolls his eyes as he walks toward me.

He stands between my knees for a second and I look up at him, which is definitely new. “I don’t like this looking up to you thing,” I say.

He laughs. “Shut up.”

“Make me,” I say with a smirk and he does. He leans down and presses his lips to mine and then pushes me backwards onto the bed. Somehow, we end up with our heads on the pillows without our mouths ever disconnecting. When he eventually pulls away, trying to catch his breath, he rolls onto his back next to me and I smirk again. “I guesssss I’ll stop making fun of you now.”

He shakes his head and sighs and then he opens his arms toward me. “Come ‘ere,” he says quietly and I smile at him before laying my head against his chest with a sigh. He wraps both arms around me and holds me tight against his side for a minute.

We’re both quiet for a few minutes and then I lift my head to look at him as I say, “So, am I allowed to kiss you or do you actually not want to have sex with me today.”

He snorts. “I thought this was only a repeat of Sunday situation?” he says with a raised eyebrow.

I roll my eyes. “Oral sex is still sex, Benji,” I say, repeating Simon’s words to me.

“Fair point,” he agrees. “And, just to be clear, you’re always allowed to kiss me.”

“That wasn’t true on Sunday,” I say. “You made me talk to you first.”

He chuckles. “Okay, that’s true,” he says. “And speaking of which, is that still where you’re at? I don’t want to start anything that’s going to make you uncomfortable.”

I try to kiss him and he puts a hand on my face and raises his eyebrows. “Oh, so now I’m _not_ allowed to kiss you?”

He rolls his eyes. “Just answer the question.”

“Um,” I say, looking at him. “Yeah, I guess so. I’ll let you know if I change my mind.”

He sighs. “You’re not allowed to change your mind in that direction with make-out brain.” I squint my eyes a little. “Whatever you tell me right now is the stopping point, is going to be the stopping point. No negotiating later unless you want to stop sooner in which case all you have to do is say so and we stop. I promise.”

I roll my eyes. “You’re no fun.”

“I’m plenty of fun,” he says, “with your fully aware consent.” I look at him for a long minute and then bite my lip. He raises an eyebrow. “You gotta talk to me here, Vic. I can’t read your mind.”

“Clearly,” I say. “If nothing else, you’ve definitely proven that today.”

He laughs a little. “You know what I mean.”

“I do,” I agree. “Um.” I swallow and stare at him again. “I, um,” I try to say and he chuckles a little.

“If you can’t say the words, you’re not ready for the action,” he says. “That’s the official rule, so tell me what you want or…” He shrugs.

“God, you’re making this so hard,” I say.

“Am I?” His eyes drop to my pelvic region and I realize what I just said. He rolls onto his side to face me and puts his hand back on my cheek. “What do you want, Vic?”

“Um,” I try again. “I kind of want to…”

He cuts me off. “You kind of want to or you _do_ want to. There’s a difference.”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “I’ve been thinking about it,” I say.

“Have you?” he asks with a smirk.

I press my lips together and stare at him. “I have,” I say and he chuckles silently. I sigh. “It doesn’t have to be today, but I wouldn’t mind it being today,” I say.

He nods. “Better.”

“Um, I don’t think I’m ready for the receiving end of things,” I say quietly. “But… but I kind of really want to… um… well…”

“You literally said the words earlier, Victor. Spit it out.”

“That was in a different context.”

He nods a little. “I’m waiting.”

“Fuck you,” I say more loudly than I intend.

“Is that a continuation of your previous thought or an expletive?” he asks.

I roll my eyes. “Can it be both?”

He thinks about it. “Maybe. I’d rather you say it all in one go though, just to be sure.”

“Oh my God, Benji. Why are you making this so hard?”

His eyes dart downwards again and he smirks. “Because I want to hear you say it. For more than one reason,” he admits. I raise an eyebrow. “First, because I want to have your explicit consent before doing anything. That’s really important to me. Second,” he says and then he bites his lip, “because it’s really fucking hot that you’ve even thought about that, because I kind of can’t stop thinking about it.”

“Oh,” I say.

“I’m sorry. Was that too much?”

I laugh. “I thought we agreed on no more apologies?” He rolls his eyes. I put my hand on his face and take a deep breath. “You know this may be harder than saying I’m gay for the first time,” I tell him and he chuckles. “But just for you, because I love you and I love that you think about it, too.” He bites his lip. “I want to fuck you,” I almost whisper.

“Okay,” he says. “That can definitely happen,. I mean. It doesn’t have to be today, but that can _definitely_ happen.”

I smirk at him. “But it _can_ be today?” I ask.

“Do you want it to be?”

“I mean, now that you made me go through all that torture? I think I kind of deserve the prize.” He raises an eyebrow and smirks. “So, can I fuck you or not?”

“God, that is so fucking hot,” he practically moans. “You literally have no idea what you’re doing to me, do you?” He doesn’t wait for a response. He pulls my hand off of his cheek and puts it on the bulge in his pants instead. “It’s really fucking hot,” he says emphatically. “And yes. Fuck yes. If that’s what you want, yes, please.”

I grab him roughly and he moans loudly. I take advantage of his mouth being open to kiss him again, my tongue sliding against his as I push him backwards onto the bed.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated: E
> 
> Long, drawn-out instructive first time smut, anyone?

I run my hands under the front of his shirt as I swing one of my legs over his body. I don’t know where this sudden confidence came from, but I’m going to run with it. “Fuck, Vic,” Benji moans when I remove my lips from his. I smirk at him for a second and then my lips are on his neck instead. He growls when I find a particular spot and I chuckle against his skin. “Trying to make my neck match yours?” he murmurs between moans.

“Maybe,” I admit.

“I’d say you’re succeeding,” he practically growls. His hands run under the back of my shirt and up to my shoulder blades. “That feels amazing.”

“Mmm,” I whisper against his skin.

“Can I take your shirt off?” he asks and I sit back a little to nod at him. He pulls my shirt over my head and smiles at me. “You’re so hot.” He runs his hands from my shoulders to my hip bones.

I smile at him for a second. “So are you,” I say. “Sit up a little?” He does and I pull his shirt over his head, too. “Better,” I whisper as my eyes drop over his body. “Now, where was I?” I push his head back to the pillow and drop my lips back to his neck.

“Okay, yeah,” he growls a minute later, rolling his head around. “That’s definitely going to bruise, but FUCK it feels so good.” I smirk against his neck and kiss the spot one last time for good measure. I drop my hips down experimentally and we both moan so I’m definitely doing something right. “I hate jeans,” he whines.

“Me, too,” I agree. “We should take those off.”

“Mmhmm,” he says quietly. His eyes have gone all dark and he’s staring at me. I can’t help but smile at him as I crawl backwards over his body.

“You’re so fucking hot,” I whisper as I start to undo the button and zipper on his jeans.

“Not as hot as you,” he says and then he groans as I pull his jeans down past his hips. I chuckle to myself as I drop his jeans on the floor and crawl back over his body, dropping my chest when I reach the very prominent bulge in his boxer briefs and dragging my whole body over him. “Fuck,” her growls again. “So, clearly Sunday made you way more confident,” he says as I’m about to kiss him again.

I raise an eyebrow. “Maybe a little,” I say and then I reconnect our lips.

A minute later he flips our bodies so I’m laying on my back and he’s hovering over me with a knee on either side of my hips. “Let’s get those jeans off, shall we?” he asks as he sits back a little. I nod and he crawls backwards, placing a string of kisses down my chest and then tracing his tongue down the center of my abs just like he did on Sunday. I moan. “I told you I’d remember that,” he says with a wink and then he quickly undoes the button and zipper on my jeans and starts to pull them off. Once my jeans join his and our shirts on the floor, he crawls back over me. He pauses on the verge of reconnecting our lips. “Now you’re _sure_ this is what you want today?” he asks. “Because we can definitely just do what we did on Sunday, or…”

“Shut up,” I say, cutting him off with a kiss. I push him off of me and onto his back. “Yes, I’m sure. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. I’m not going to pretend I have any real idea what the hell I’m supposed to do, but _God_ do I want to.”

He smirks at me for a second. “What was it that you wanted to do?” he asks and I know he’s just fishing for me to say it again, so I throw my leg over him again and drop my hips on top of his until he moans.

“I.” Kiss. “Want to.” Kiss. “Fuck.” Kiss. “My very.” Kiss. “Sexy.” Kiss. “Boyfriend,” I say and then I reconnect our lips and he moans again so I slip my tongue into his mouth. I move my hips experimentally against his and he moans again. At least I have that part figured out. I don’t want to stop kissing him, but I also want to take my boxers off and I _really_ want to actually get around to fucking him.

“If you keep doing that,” he pants a minute later, lifting his hips into mine, “this is going to end before it begins.” I roll off of him and he chuckles. “I didn’t mean you had to leave,” he says, rolling to his side to face me. He runs his hand down my body and then his finger along the waistband of my boxers. “Can I take these off now?” he asks.

“Please?” I say, lifting my hips a little. He crawls down to take my boxers off and I add, “Yours, too.” He smirks at me and takes my boxers off to add to the pile of clothes on the floor and then he crawls back up and kisses me once.

“Why don’t you do that part?” he asks with a wink and I can’t say no, so I push his shoulder back so he’s lying on his back again and crawl over him to pull his underwear off. He growls as I crawl back over him and our naked cocks touch.

“So, I have no idea what I’m doing,” I mumble as I kiss him, “but I really really want to.”

He smirks at me. “Okay. I need you to get off of me for a second,” he says. I make a face at him. That seems counter-productive. He chuckles. “I just need to get something from the drawer. Just for a second. I promise.” It dawns on me what he means, so I bite my lip and roll off of him. He rolls away from me for a second and opens the drawer of his nightstand. He seems to think about something for a second and then he returns to his back with two items: what I recognize as a single condom in a wrapper and a bottle of something florescent blue that I assume must be lube. I swallow. “You still want to do this?” he says, examining my face. I nod. “Words please,” he says because I guess he doesn’t believe me.

I lean forward and press my lips to his. I’m a little shocked when he doesn’t stop me from doing this. “Yes,” I say. “I’m sure I still want to fuck my extremely sexy boyfriend.”

He growls and nibbles at my bottom lip. “Just keep saying that,” he whispers.

I chuckle. “Oh, I will,” I promise.

Suddenly, he throws his right leg over me and locks it around my hips until our cocks are pressed together. I can’t suppress the moan that escapes my lips. He bites his lip and smirks at me. I put my right hand under his cheek and I reach my left hand over his hip and grab his ass. He growls. “Now,” he says. “Assuming you haven’t been watching disgustingly unrealistic porn or God-forbid straight porn, I’m going to assume you at least vaguely know what needs to happen next.” I nod a little he raises an eyebrow. “Do you want to do this part or do you want me to?” he asks.

I bite my lip and think for a second. “Show me,” I say.

He nods a little and drops the condom and lube to the bed behind him. He threads the fingers of his right hand through my left and lifts our hands in the air. “You’re sure?” he asks and I nod and then kiss him. “Okay. Hold these three fingers out,” he says, wrapping his hand around my index, middle, and ring fingers. I do as he says. He reaches behind him and picks up the bottle of lube. “I’m going to put a bunch of this on your fingers. Make sure they’re completely coated, okay?”

“Okay,” I say quietly and he locks his eyes with mine for a second.

“I love you,” he whispers.

I smile at him. “I love you, too.”

He moves his hips against mine for a second and I groan. He chuckles. And then flips the cap of the lube open and starts squirting it onto my fingers. He closes the lid and sets the bottle back down. He uses his hand to spread the lube around my fingers. “Good,” he says. “Now, let me take your hand.” He puts his hand around my wrist and pulls my hand around his hip. “This is sort of a weird angle for this, but I really want to watch your face,” he says.

“It’s okay,” I say. “Just tell me what to do. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t,” he says. “I trust you.” He pauses for a second and pulls my hand further. “You might have to lean your shoulder forward,” he tells me and I do a little. “Okay, now one finger. I don’t care which one,” he says. “Very gently.” I nod a little and bite my lip. I watch his face as I slide my middle finger down his crack until I feel the ring of muscles. He nods. “It’s okay,” he breaths.

I very careful press until my finger tip slips inside. His mouth opens and he inhales noisily. I freeze and look at him, searching his face. “It’s okay,” he says again. “It feels good.” He moves his hips backwards a little, pushing my finger deeper. “You can move your finger,” he says with a little smile.

“How?” I ask.

He smiles again. “Little circles. In and out. Bend it a little,” he suggests. I try and he moans so I must be doing something right. “ _Exactly_ like that,” he says. “ _God,_ Vic. Okay, okay,” he says and I stop again and look at him. “No, just, if I let you keeping doing that, um, yeah, so…” I raise an eyebrow. “I just _really_ like that,” he says.

“Interesting,” I say and I move my finger again and he groans.

“Fuck, okay.” He pants a little and kisses me. “Jesus, okay, add another finger,” he says.

“How do I…”

“Just slide it in next to that one. The lube makes it work,” he says and so I try and it does. “Fuck, okay, just do what you were doing before.” I move my fingers around again and he moans and kisses me. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, yes. Okay, the third finger,” he tells me. “Just do the same thing you just did.” I do and he groans loudly. “Jesus. Yes, okay. Um. We’re going to have to stop this unfortunately.”

I freeze and look at him. He laughs. “Uh, I just mean with the fingers,” he says and then he kisses me. “If you want to fuck me…”

“Which I definitely, definitely do.”

“Yeah, we need to get to that part,” he says breathlessly. “So… take your fingers out,” he says quietly and I very slowly do. He groans the second they’re fully free and then he has a thoughtful face. I raise an eyebrow. “Do you have any preference of… how we…” I don’t understand, so I just stare at him and he chuckles. “Positions, Victor.”

“Oh! Right, fuck. Um… not really?”

He nods. “Okay, this isn’t going to be the easiest thing, but… Like I said earlier, I really want to watch your face. You’re so fucking hot already and I just…”

I nod a little. “Whatever you want, Benji. Honestly, I don’t think I could say no to you right now if I wanted to.”

He freezes. “You know that means I’m going to stop, right?”

I groan. “I want to fuck you. I could say no to you about something I don’t want to do. That’s not what I meant,” I say with an exasperated sigh. I move my hips forward. “Please, Benji. I. Want. To. Fuck. You. Please let me.”

“ _God_ ,” he groans. “Yeah, okay, okay. Um,” he picks up the condom from behind him and hands it to me. “Safety first,” he says.

“I’ve never,” I say, looking at the packet.

“Do you want me to do it?”

“Huh?”

He chuckles. “I just mean, do you want me to put it on for you?”

“Oh,” I say. “Um, yeah. I think so.”

“Okay,” he says. “Roll on your back, please.” He smiles at me and I do as he says and then he winks at me and crawls backwards a little. “I will let you fuck me,” he says quietly. “Because honestly, I’ve wanted that for so long at this point…”

“Um, Benji…”

“I’ve definitely had dreams,” he says.

“Me, too,” I admit.

He smirks at me. “But first,” he says and then he winks again and drops his head to take my cock in his mouth and I gasp. He’s only there for a couple seconds, but it’s a blissful couple seconds.

“Holy fuck,” I growl when he pulls his mouth off.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” I say, nodding my head.

“Okay.” He bites the corner of the condom wrapper between his teeth and rips it open. He pulls the condom out and throws the wrapper toward the trash can next to the bed. Then he grabs my dick in one hand which makes me gasp and moan again and starts rolling the condom over my length with the other hand.

I groan while he does this. “I’m literally never learning to do that,” I say.

“Oh?”

“Nope. Enjoying this too much.”

He chuckles and once it’s on he strokes me a couple times before picking up the bottle of lube. “That is prelubricated,” he says, “but just to be sure.” He squeezes some of the lube onto my cock and strokes me again to spread it out.

I growl. “Please stop. I want to actually fuck you.”

He smirks at me. “Yeah, okay,” he agrees and then he opens the drawer and drops the lube back inside. “You’re definitely not going to last long.” He says as he rolls onto his back and turns his head to look at me.

“Sorry about that.”

“What happened to your no apologies rule?” he asks.

I groan. “Yeah, yeah.”

“So,” he says. “I want you on your knees between my legs,” he says.

I stare at him for a second, but then I nod and start to move. He spreads his legs a little so I can sit between them. And once I’m there, he pulls both of his knees to his chest, lifting his hips off the bed. “I think you can figure out what to do next,” he says with a wink.

And he’s right, I definitely can. So, I lean forward, up onto my knees more and move closer to him. I can see his hole, still open and coated in fluorescent blue. I glance at his face and he wiggles his eyebrows a little. “So, this is happening,” I say quietly.

“Mmhmm,” he says. And then I lean forward and line myself up and lean some more until the tip of my cock moves back the ring of muscles. I gasp at the sensation and he moves his hips a little. I look at his face. He seems perfectly relaxed. “Keep going,” he says.

So I do. I push my hips forward until my entire length is inside him and I groan loudly. “Holy _fuck_.”

“I was thinking the same thing,” he agrees and I look up to meet his eyes. “You feel so good,” he practically purrs. “You can move whenever you’re ready.” _Oh right._ There’s more to this than the sensation I’m currently feeling which is already my favorite thing I’ve ever experienced. I pull my hips back a little and _oh_. I gasp and he smirks at me and nods a little. “It’s okay, babe,” he whispers. “I’m good.”

“It’s just,” I breath. “Holy _fuck_ this feels amazing.”

He smiles at me. “I’m glad you agree.”

I move my hips back and forth slowly and after a few seconds he moans a little. “Lean forward more,” he says and I try to. He chuckles. “Fuck it, just lay on top of me.

“What?” I ask.

“Lean the whole way forward,” he says, “on the backs of my legs.”

“Won’t that…”

“I’ll be fine. I promise,” he says, but I’m still hesitant. “Plus, if you do that, I can kiss you,” he adds with a wink and I don’t need to be told twice. I lean all the way forward until my lips press against his. His legs splay a little wider and I’m still inside him and everything is perfect. “Please, keep moving,” he growls and I do. I move my hips up and down, in and out, and it all feels amazing. “You can move quicker,” he says, “or harder… or both…”

I try to do what he’s asking, but my brain and my body aren’t quite on the same page anymore. I can feel myself getting close. “You were right,” I mumble against his lips as I kiss him again.

“About?”

“Me not lasting long,” I say with another moan.

He chuckles. “I figured as much,” he says quietly. “It’s okay. You’re allowed to cum.”

Which is good, because I do. Less than 20 seconds later, I do. I groan loudly as all of my weight falls on top of Benji when I finish. He chuckles a little and kisses me. “Good?” he asks.

“That doesn’t even begin to cover it,” I say, trying to remember how to breathe. “I love you so much, Benji. Like, so fucking much. That was… was… amazing… perfect… wonderful… I don’t even know, but _fuck_.”

He chuckles and kisses me again, wiggling his hips a little. I gasp. “Sorry,” he says. “You should probably… um, get off me.”

I groan. “I don’t wanna.”

“Please?” he says.

“Fine,” I say and I roll onto my back, pulling myself out of him as I do.

“You should take that off,” he says, glancing at my dick. “It’ll only get more complicated if you wait.”

“Okay,” I say quietly, and I manage to pull the condom off and then I’m just holding it and he chuckles.

“Uh, trash can,” he says. “Next to the bed.”

I nod and roll to my side and drop the condom into the trashcan. When I roll onto my back, he has his hand around himself and I look at him. “This is not going to take long,” he promises as he strokes himself.

I bite my lip for a second. “Can I?” I ask, reaching for him and rolling to my other side. His eyes go wide and he nods.

“Yeah,” he breaths. “Yeah, that definitely works.”

I replace his hand with my own and stroke him a couple times. He moans a little and I bite my lip as I look at him again. “This is no fun,” I say. He raises his eyebrow and I chuckle a little as I slide down on the bed. I wink at him before I wrap my lips around his cock instead.

“Okay, yeah, no, that… holy _fuck_ ,” he says above me and I chuckle which makes my lips vibrate and he moans again. Less than a minute later his hand fists in my hair. “Vic, I’m really close…” I glance up at him through my eyelashes and don’t stop. He clearly understands, because his hand tightens in my hair and his hips move a little as I feel his cum fill my mouth. I pull my mouth off of him and wink as I swallow. Then I crawl back up next to him. “Okay, that was conceivably perfect,” he says quietly and I can hear that he’s still breathing hard.

“It was,” I agree as I lay next to him. He rolls to his side and smiles at me for a second.

“Cuddles?” he asks and I nod and open my arms for him. He lays his head on my chest and sighs. “ _God,_ I love you.”

I chuckle a little. “I love you, too,” I whisper back and then I kiss the top of his head. “Um, I just realized something,” I say quietly a minute later and he lifts his head to look at me.

“What’s that?”

“One thing we never really talked about,” I say, looking at him. “I, uh, I know most people have a, a preference? I mean, just… was that? Like do you? I don’t know…”

He chuckles a little and lays his head back on my chest. “Um, yeah. I mean, that was definitely the end of things I’m most comfortable with or well, used to. Derek is very single minded and self-indulgent.” I nod a little and hold him tighter. “But, um, I know you said you want to try everything eventually,” he says quietly. “And I’m a hundred percent willing to reverse the roles when you’re ready for that.”

I smile a little even though I know he can’t see me. “I do want to try,” I say. “But… I can’t really imagine anything ever feeling any better than that just did.”

He kisses my chest and then lifts his head to smile at me. “It was kind of perfect,” he says with a little nod.

“Yeah,” I agree and then I reach up and put my hand on his cheek to guide his lips down to mine so I can kiss him again. I could seriously kiss this boy forever and never ever get tired of it. I think I might actually kiss him forever if he'll let me. All the homophobic assholes of the world be damned, my boyfriend is literal perfection.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated M due to descriptions of nudity and brief explicit mention of sex at the beginning.

We stay there under the covers, kissing and cuddling and talking until we hear the front door open. Benji picks up his phone from the nightstand to check the time. “That’ll be my mom. My dad’ll be home in like fifteen minutes,” he says and I nod.

“I guess we should probably get dressed or something,” I say quietly before I kiss him quickly.

He sighs. “Yeah, probably. I have no idea what’s for dinner, so…” I chuckle a little and then hold him tighter and he laughs. “You know, I can’t exactly get dressed if you’re cuddling me like that.”

“Oh, I know,” I say and he laughs again. I nuzzle my face into the crook of his neck and he laughs some more. “It just feels so nice to be with you like this,” I mumble against his skin. “After the weekend and then day I’ve had, I just really really needed this.”

He holds me tighter, too. “I’m still not sure I understand why my existence makes you feel better, but I’m going to attempt to just accept it and keep hugging you.”

I smile, probably too much. “I love you,” I whisper. “And I think it’s because I know on all levels of consciousness that you would never do or say anything that would hurt me. You’re just safe and you make me happy.”

“Gahhh,” he says and it’s this happy little noise that just makes my heart sing. “I love you, too.” He holds me even tighter. “Like, I love you so so much, Victor. And you’re right; I would never ever do or say anything to hurt you and I would never let anyone else hurt you either if I can help it. And I’m really really glad you know that.” He kisses me and I smile at him. “And you make me happy, too.” We’re quiet for another couple minutes, just holding each other and smiling broadly. “We really should get dressed though,” he finally says and I chuckle.

“I guess,” I agree and then we disentangle ourselves from one another and sit up. I stretch my arms over my head and twist a little until my back pops. I notice Benji smirking at me. “What?” I ask as my arms drop.

He shrugs. “You’re cute,” he says. I roll my eyes. “You are,” he insists.

“If you say so, but you’re cuter.”

He laughs. “That’s not true, but whatever,” he says and then he throws the blankets off his lap and I bite my lip. He raises an eyebrow and chuckles. “You’ll get used to it,” he says as he stands up, but I’m not sure I want to. I sort of like being in awe of the fact that Benji is my boyfriend and is literally naked a couple feet away from me and the fact that my dick was literally in his ass an hour ago. Though I really shouldn’t think about that last part right now, I realize as I look down at myself.

I stand up, too, and stretch again before I pick up my clothes from his bedroom floor and start putting them back on. I get my underwear and pants on, but before I can pull my shirt over my head, Benji wraps his arms around my waist and nuzzles against my chest. I chuckle. “Hi.”

“Hi,” he says back. He doesn’t move so I drop the shirt to his bed and wrap my arms around his back. He hums quietly in contentment. “I love you,” he says when he finally pulls his head away and looks at me.

I smile and kiss him briefly. “I love you, too.”

He releases his arms and I do the same as he steps away. “I guess I’ll let you put your shirt on now,” he says and I chuckle as I pick it up. “I definitely prefer you without it, but I don’t think my parents would agree.”

I laugh. “Yeah, let’s not.” I pull the shirt over my head just as the front door opens again downstairs. “So, what am I supposed to expect out of dinner with your parents by the way?” I ask him as we sit down on the edge of his bed.

“ _God_ , I have no idea. My mom has still been asking me a thousand questions about you, so I guess that. And my dad might try to talk to you about sports if he says anything at all,” he says and then he shrugs.

“I can handle sports,” I say. “Your mom’s questions on the other hand…”

He laughs. “So, maybe try to keep up an engaging sports discussion with my dad and I’ll try to fend off my mom’s invasive questioning?”

I laugh. “I’ll see what I can do, but I haven’t actually watched a single sporting event in like a week…”

“Just talk about basketball,” he suggests. “My dad loves basketball.”

I shrug. “I guess I can manage that.”

Benji flops backwards across the bed and I chuckle and look at him for a second, but then he pulls me down next to him and presses his lips to mine. “By the way,” I say quietly when we pull apart. “Earlier, you had mentioned that you didn’t know if I’d still want to kiss you at school after what happened.” He nods. “I do,” I say, “but like I said, we should probably keep it PG-rated when we’re not behind a closed door.” I wink at him. “I’m not going to let some homophobic asshole keep me from kissing my boyfriend between classes though.”

He smiles at me for a second and then kisses me again. “Sounds reasonable to me. I’ll try to keep my tongue to myself from now on.”

I laugh and then he laughs, too. He shifts so his head lands on my chest and we both sigh. “I’m sort of worried about this whole calling my mom thing,” I admit.

“Yeah,” he says. “What are you going to tell her?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I told her most of it on Friday night and Saturday morning, so…” I shrug a little. “I don’t think I’m ready to go home yet, but maybe I’ll like go there for dinner on Saturday after work? I can get some more of my things and she can see that I’m okay.”

“I don’t know if that's a good idea,” he says.

“What do you mean?”

“What if your dad shows up? Or what if it’s a trap and she’s just trying to get you to come home so she can keep you there…”

I close my eyes and hug him tightly. “I know. I’m worried about that, too. I’m not going to suggest it until I talk to her a little bit either way. I want to actually feel out the situation and see what’s going on. Between what she said on Sunday on the phone and the texts my sister read us at lunch, I think she might be willing to try a little, but I just… I don’t know. She really looked angry when she took my phone and she did most of the talking on Saturday morning, so if she was really just scared that doesn’t really make sense.”

He nods against my chest. “If you do go on Saturday… can I come with you?”

I’m a little taken aback by that thought. “Um, while I’d love that, I doubt she’d feel the same way.”

He nods again. “I can even wait outside. I just… I think I’d feel better if I was close by,” he says. “I know you said I’m like a human Xanax or something earlier, but I worry about you, Vic. After last weekend. I don’t… I don’t want you getting hurt again and I’d just feel better if I was somewhere I could conceivably do something about it if it goes wrong.”

“Okay,” I say. “We’ll figure something out. Maybe Felix could come to dinner, so if something happens, he can pretend to get a call from his mom and leave to call you.”

“That sounds like a really good idea,” Benji agrees and then he lifts his head from my chest to smile at me. I smile back and then he kisses me. “Thank you for humoring me about this,” he says.

“Of course, I mean, you humored me all day. Especially when I was panicking beyond reason. I get it. I don’t want to worry you. I’ll do what I can to make your life easier.”

He snuggles his whole body closer to me as he lays his head back on my chest and I sigh as I squeeze the arm wrapped around his back. Then his phone is vibrating from the nightstand and he groans as I release him and he checks it. “Dinner’s ready,” he tells me after he looks at the screen.

“Your mom _texted_ you that dinner’s ready?”

He laughs. “I’m telling you; she doesn’t come up here until bed time.”

“Weird,” I say, but I sit up and roll my neck a little.

He gets to his knees on the bed and crawls behind me. He puts his hands on my shoulders and massages for a few seconds. “Okay, we should probably go down there.” He pulls his hands away and I reach my hands over my shoulders to bring them back. He laughs. “After dinner,” he promises as he pulls his hands out of mine and climbs off the bed. He bends down and kisses my cheek before offering me his hand.

We walk downstairs together and his mom smiles from the kitchen doorway but doesn’t say anything as we walk toward her. Benji pulls me toward the table where his dad is already sitting and his mom is placing a bowl of pasta. We sit on one side of the table and his parents on the other. His mom smiles at me. “I’m glad you could join us, Victor.”

I smile back. “Um, thanks for having me,” I say awkwardly.

“It’s no problem at all. You’re welcome to join us anytime.”

I see Benji roll his eyes out of the corner of mine and bite back a laugh. His hand drops to my thigh under the table and he squeezes lightly. I put my hand on top of his for a moment and he smiles at me, so I smile back. Then I notice his mom is watching us and start to feel uncomfortable again. I pull my hand back onto the table and Benji squeezes my thigh before pulling his back, too.

Dinner is awkward. Benji’s mom asks a million questions and I think she might now know more about the list of my favorite everything than my own mother does. Benji’s dad asks if I’m paying attention to the NBA playoffs and I tell him I haven’t watched much yet, but I manage to make intelligent conversation about the Mavs (my favorite team from Texas) and the Hawks (the local team in Atlanta). And apparently Benji gets his disinterest in sports from his mom because they’re both looking at us like they have no idea what we’re saying.

When Benji finally excuses us from the table and we’re escaping back up the stairs, I can’t help but make fun of him a little bit. “You have _no idea_ what your dad and I were talking about, do you?”

“Not a clue,” he says, shaking his head. I laugh.

“Basketball,” I say.

“I got that much. I’m not that stupid,” he says and punches my shoulder.

“Hey!” I rub my shoulder as if it actually hurts. “And you say you want to come to my games next year. You’re gonna have to sit with someone that understands what’s happening.”

He rolls his eyes. “I don’t need to understand what’s happening. I'm only going to ogle my boyfriend while he’s getting all sweaty and being amazing.”

I roll my eyes. “Right.”

“You’re a jerk,” he says as he closes his bedroom door behind us.

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Oh, shush. I think it’s cute that you still want to come even though you’re going to understand less than two percent of what’s happening.”

“I’ve played basketball in gym class,” he insists. “I vaguely know what’s supposed to happen. You or people on our team, but mostly you, get the ball through the net; it’s a good thing! The other team does; it’s a bad thing. See? Not totally lost.”

I laugh. “Okay, okay, so maybe you understand like fifteen percent then.”


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated M
> 
> Direct mention of sex at a couple points near the beginning. References to the earlier homophobic incidents and indirect homophobia/uncomfortableness.

I sit on the edge of Benji’s bed and pull out my phone. “What time is it even?” I mutter to myself and then I read the screen. It’s 6:20; I groan. “I have to call my mom in like an hour.”

“You don’t _have_ to,” he says as he sits down next to me.

“I guess, but I told her I would,” I say with a sigh. I twist my shoulders around a little and roll my neck. “Ugh, my back hurts so much.”

“Are you okay?” he asks. I glance over to see him giving me a concerned look.

I shrug a little. “Yeah. Whenever I get super anxious or stressed, you know, like today, I tense up and it makes my back hate life. I’ll probably be fine tomorrow after I sleep tonight. It’s just annoying now.”

“Hmm,” he says and he looks at me for another second before he climbs further onto the bed and onto his knees. He sits behind me and I’m a little confused until he starts massaging my shoulders and honestly, I think I might fall even more in love with him.

“Okay, you’re the actual best human,” I decide.

He chuckles. “I do what I can.”

“Well, what you can do is apparently be the best boyfriend to ever exist. Honestly, what did I do to deserve you?”

His hands stop for a second and then he leans forward and I feel his lips against the side of my neck. “You’re pretty amazing, too. You know that, right?” he whispers next to my ear as he sits back up.

“If you say so.”

“I do say so.” He moves his hands further down my back and this is pretty much exactly what I needed right now. I lean forward and put my elbows on my knees and rest my face in my hands. “Hmm,” I hear him hum and then his hands drop even lower until they’re under the bottom edge of my shirt.

“Is somebody getting tired of back massages?” I ask. “You don’t have to keep going…”

“It’s definitely not that,” he says and he runs his hands up under my shirt the whole way to my shoulder blades. “I just figure, if I’m going to be rubbing my hands all over my boyfriend, I may as well actually be rubbing your skin and not your shirt, right?”

I chuckle a little. “Want me to just take the shirt off?”

“Hmm,” he says and I can tell he’s pretending to think about it. I sit up a little and look over my shoulder at him. “Yeah, maybe,” he finally says and I laugh as I pull my shirt off and drop it to the bed next to me. “Mmm,” he says quietly as his hands start moving again. “Definitely better.” This goes on for a few more minutes and then he leans forward and kisses my shoulder lightly. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“Feel any better?” he asks.

I move my shoulders and back around a bit. “Actually, yeah,” I say and then I twist around so I can actually see him. “Loads better. You’re amazing.”

He laughs a little. “I’m not sure I’d go that far, but thank you.” I smile at him and then I shift so I’m sitting more sideways and I kiss him. “You’re going to fuck your back up again, trying to make out with me at that angle,” he says when we break apart.

I laugh. “Maybe that’s my whole plan. Keep fucking up my back so you put your hands all over me.”

“You don’t have to fuck up your back for me to do that, you know,” he says with a little smirk and then he kisses me again. I’m not really sure how it happens, but we end up laying down on the bed, facing each other. He runs his hands down my chest. “See, no fucking up your back required,” he says with a wink.

I chuckle a little. “Okay, but take your shirt off, too.”

He laughs. “So demanding." He sits up and pulls his shirt over his head. “Happy now?”

I nod and then reach over and run my hand down his front, too. “Yeah, I guess it’ll do.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asks as if I’ve just insulted him.

I laugh and rake my eyes over him. Then I shrug and lean forward to kiss him before moving my lips to his ear. “I prefer you without clothes if we’re being honest, but we don’t have enough time for that right now.”

“Don’t we?”

“I have to call my mom, remember?”

“I know, but we still have what? Like forty-five minutes? You really think you’d last that long?” He raises an eyebrow and smirks.

“Are you really suggesting we have sex right now?” I say and he laughs.

“Maybe.”

“Yes, because talking to my mom while I have post-sex brain is definitely a great idea,” I say sarcastically. “It’s bad enough I plan on cuddling you while I’m on the phone in an attempt to prevent another panic attack.”

“Fine,” he says, “but these better be some top-notch cuddles, Mister.”

I laugh. “Only the best for you.” I roll onto my back and open my arms toward him. He crawls forward and lays his head on my chest before snuggling his whole body against the side of mine. I wrap both of my arms around him and hold him as tight as I can. “And maybe, if you’re lucky and my mom doesn’t create anxiety-brain, we can revisit your ideas after I get off the phone."

He chuckles against my skin and then kisses it. “I’m not going to hold my breath, but…”

I laugh. “Yeah. I definitely can’t promise anything.”

“So, maybe we should just…” he says and then he lifts his head and bites his lip at me.

“I am not having sex right now,” I tell him.

“No, but like, we could make out or…”

I laugh. “Come ‘ere,” I say and then I sort of pull him toward me and we’re kissing again. Doing this phone call with post-make-out brain is also probably a bad idea, but at this point I really don’t care. After a few minutes he ends up on top of me with his knees on either side of my hips and our chests pressed together. “You know, you’re making it very difficult to say no right now,” I tell him between kisses.

He smirks at me. “Sorry,” he whispers and then he kisses me again. “I guess we should probably stop.”

I wrap my arms tightly around his back for a minute. “It’s definitely not that I want to, but yeah, we probably should.”

He sighs a little and scoots backwards before curling into my side again. “So, how exactly do you plan on calling your mom while we’re cuddling?”

I shrug. “Just like this,” I say and I tighten one arm around his back and pick up my phone with the other hand. I look at the time. “Oh, geez, okay, I guess, I’m doing this right now.”

“Wait, is it really already 7:30?” he asks. I turn the phone around so he can see the screen. “Oh,” he says because it’s actually 7:35.

I swallow hard and hold him a little tighter and then I go to my contact list and press send on my mom’s number. It rings a couple times before she answers. “Hello?”

I take a deep breath. “Hola, Mami.”

“Victor,” she breathes quietly. “Mi amor, how are you? Are you okay? I’ve been so worried about you.”

“I’m fine, Mom,” I say quietly.

“Oh, cariño, I am so sorry.”

“Um, yeah,” I say.

“Where are you, mijo? Are you safe? Are you okay? I…”

“I’m fine, Mom. I’m safe; it’s okay.”

“The guidance counselor said…”

“Look, I don’t know what all Mr. Crow told you, but today was… a lot and I really don’t want to like, relive it again to tell you everything. I, uh, had a really bad panic attack and it was hard, but thanks to… my boyfriend and my friends and Pilar and a lot of other people, I’m okay now. I just…” Benji is looking at me with a raised eyebrow and I smile at him, so he smiles back.

“Okay,” she says quietly.

“Um, we told Pilar everything that happened at lunch. If you really want to know, you could ask her and I’ll tell her she can tell you, okay? Or you could ask Felix; he was actually there for most of it.”

"¿Él era?"

“Si,” I say. “Uh, it happened in third period. He’s in that class with me, so he watched it happen and then he was walking me to the guidance office when we ran into Benji. So, he knows almost all of it first-hand. I can tell him to come down and tell you after we get off the phone if you want.”

“Okay,” she agrees. “Um, I’m still worried about you, mijo. And I know what I did and said this weekend wasn’t right. Lo siento mucho. I shouldn’t have let my fear of your father and everything else make me do and say those those things to you. I know you said you don’t feel comfortable coming home and I understand, but I miss having you here and I know your brother and sister do, too.”

“Uh, thank you,” I say quietly. “I just don’t know right now, okay?”

“Okay, mijo, but whenever you’re ready, you _can_ come home.”

I sigh a little. “Um, did you want anything else? Pilar said you wanted to talk to me. I didn’t know if…”

“Well,” she says. “I would like to know where you are… where you’re staying…”

I sigh and nod a little before taking a deep breath. “Well, at the moment, I’m at Benji’s house,” I say. “But I’m actually staying with a friend’s parents.”

“Benji is the boyfriend, right?”

“He is,” I say.

She hesitates for a second. “Is… is he okay, too? The guidance counselor…”

“Um, yeah,” I say. “I think.” And I look at Benji and he mouths _what_? So I whisper. “My mom wants to know if you’re okay, too.”

“Oh,” he says and almost laughs. “Yeah. I’m fine. I also didn’t have to actually hear it happen, so…” I smile at him for a second.

“Did you hear him?” I ask the phone.

“Yeah,” my mom says quietly. She hesitates again. “And you two were… making out in the hallway before class?” she asks and I groan. Benji looks at me and I laugh.

“Yes, Mom, we were ‘making out in the hallway before class’.” Benji laughs and I roll my eyes at him.

“Okay, well, maybe…”

“Already discussed,” I tell her before she can say anything else. “We’re going to keep the hallways PG from now on. No worries. Though, it’s not like every hetero couple in that school doesn’t do the same if not worse on a daily basis. I swear Felix is actually going to swallow Lake’s entire face one of these days.” Benji laughs again and I do, too.

My mom isn’t laughing. “Okay, well, I worry about you,” she says.

“I know, Mom. But honestly. This isn’t about something I did or we did or anything. It’s about some kid in my health class being a homophobic asshole.” I pause for a second. “Sorry for swearing.”

“Okay,” she says and it sort of crushes me because I don’t think she actually understands that I didn’t do anything wrong. So much for thinking she might be trying. “You said you’re staying with a friend,” she says.

“A friend’s parents, but yeah.”

“I don’t understand the difference.”

I chuckle. “Uh, Simon isn’t actually there. He lives in New York or well he goes to NYU, so he’s in New York, but I’m staying with his parents… and little sister.”

“I don’t understand,” she says.

“Yeah, I sort of figured you wouldn’t. That’s one of many reasons I didn’t tell you before. Um,” I say and then I try to explain who Simon is and she really doesn’t understand why I would be staying with his parents when I don’t even really know him, so I try to explain the gay community thing and how we’re all a family and I really don’t think she understands that either, which I guess I get because I didn’t understand it until Simon explained it in New York, but of course I can’t tell her about that. Eventually, I think Benji can tell I’m getting frustrated because he nuzzles his face against my chest to get my attention and then smiles at me when I look down. I take a deep breath and re-compose myself. “Okay, look. I know you don’t fully understand, but I _am_ staying with the Spiers and they’ve said I can stay there as long as I need to. They’re really great and super nice and yeah.”

“Okay,” she says quietly and again I can tell she’s only saying it because she doesn’t want to cause any more problems.

“I do have a question,” I tell her after a few seconds of silence.

“What’s that, mijo?”

“Could you give Pilar my actual phone to bring to school? I’m kind of afraid I’ve missed some messages or something. You know…”

She takes a deep breath. “I would if I could. Your father took it with him.”

“What the hell? Sorry, sorry.”

“I don’t know, mi amor. But after he left, I went to where we’d put it, because I was going to do just that on Monday, but it wasn’t there. I texted him and asked where he put it and he said that he took it because he wasn’t going to pay for your service if I was going to let you… well.”

“Right,” I say. “Okay, yeah. I’ll have to just figure it out then. Um, has Dad said anything else since then?”

She sighs. “No. I don’t even know where he is at this point. Or if he’s going to pay the bills next month. It’s all so complicated right now.”

I swallow. “Oh.”

“I’m sorry, mijo. I shouldn’t burden you with that.”

“It’s okay, Mami,” I say. “Hey, uh, I was thinking.” Benji looks up at me, asking without speaking if I’m about to do what he thinks I am. I nod a little. “Would it maybe be okay if I came over on Saturday after work. We could have dinner and I could grab a few of my things?” Benji is watching my face carefully.

“Oh, mijo, I would love that and I’m sure your brother would love to see you for a few hours, too.”

I smile a little. “Yeah, that’s exactly what I was thinking. He… he didn’t sound great when I talked to him on Sunday.”

“He’s really struggling with your father being gone… and you, mijo.”

“I know, Mami. I want him to at least know that I’m okay and that I still love him or whatever. This can’t be easy for him or for any of us really. I just know that he doesn’t even really understand what happened.” She doesn’t say anything and it gives me too much time to think. I decide to just throw caution to wind and say, “hey, uh, so I work until three on Saturday and… so does Benji.”

“I thought he didn’t work with you anymore?”

“Uh, yeah. That’s complicated. I thought so, too, but he transferred back since the reason he left it the first place sort of became irrelevant after Friday night.”

“Oh,” she says.

“Um, yeah, anyway. I was wondering, or well, _we_ were wondering.” He’s looking at me with something akin to panic on his face, so I try to smile at him. “Um, we were wondering if it might be okay if he came with me on Saturday. I mean… you could meet him and… I, I don’t know. If not, that’s okay, but…” I think I must be making that uncomfortable scrunch face he enjoys so much because he taps the end of my nose with his finger and smiles at me for a second. I roll my eyes.

“Oh,” she says again and I wait for a better answer, but nothing comes.

“Uh, he just helps keep me calm,” I try to explain. “And I think it might be easier for me if he was there, but if that makes you uncomfortable or whatever…”

“What do you mean, cariño?”

“Um, I guess, I don’t know if Mr. Crow told you about that part. Uh, earlier, when I was having that panic attack, I sort of made him stay with me for multiple hours.” I laugh a little at my own ridiculousness. “Because, just having him around made it easier for me to stay calm and centered and in the moment. I don’t really know how to explain it, I guess, but he’s just… he’s my favorite thing.”

Benji smirks and tries not to laugh. “Did you just call me a thing?”

“Possible,” I say. He shakes his head. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, I’ll forgive you,” he says and then I guess we’re both not thinking very well because he kisses me.

“What was that?” my mom asks and I laugh.

“Uh, sorry,” I try to say. “Um, my boyfriend kissed me.”

“Right,” she says and she sounds monumentally uncomfortable.

“I am sorry. But yeah, if you’re not comfortable with Benji coming with me on Saturday, that’s fine. I can still come to dinner or whatever, because I do want to see Adrian and talk to him and maybe try to explain what’s going on.”

Benji snuggles back into my side as I wait for my mom’s response and I move my hand up and down his back a little. She swallows audibly. “Can I think about that part and get back to you?” she asks.

“Yeah, that’s fine. I know it’s sort of a lot for you to take in. I’ve just kind of been working so hard to hide this part of me for so long that now that it’s finally not hidden anymore, I just…” I shrug a little. “I… I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, mijo,” she says. “I’m really glad you’re going to come over on Saturday. And we’ll talk about the boyfriend.”

I laugh a little. “Gracias, Mami. I appreciate that you’re even willing to call him my boyfriend if we’re being completely honest. That sort of took us both by surprise when you texted Pilar at lunch.” Benji nods against my chest and I laugh a little because his hair tickles when it moves against my skin.

“Are you okay?” my mom asks.

“Yeah, yeah. Um. Benji’s hair just tickled me. I’m fine.” Benji chuckles a little.

“His hair?”

“Uh, yeah,” I say and then I realize that there aren’t many reasons his hair would even be in a place to tickle me, so she’s probably even more confused and uncomfortable now. “Um, anyway, I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay, mijo,” she says and she definitely still sounds uncomfortable.

“I… I love you, Mom.”

“I love you, too, Victor, so much. I hope you know that. I’ll always love you. No matter what happens and no matter where any of us are, I will always love you.”

“Gracias, Mami. Hablo contigo más tarde.”

“Buenas noches, mi amor.”

“Good night, Mami.” I pull the phone away from my ear and end the call before I set it on the night stand. I sigh a little. “That was… nice? I think.”

Benji lifts his head to look at me. “Well, you don’t seem to have had another panic attack, so it’s definitely a start.”

I smile at him. “Yeah. I’m actually okay, I think.” He smirks at me and raises an eyebrow. “Okay, but give me a couple minutes to decompress, please.” He chuckles and lays his head back on my chest.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated E
> 
> Oops more smut.

A few seconds later, Benji starts humming and I can’t figure out what song it is, so I ask him. “What is that?”

“Huh?” He lifts his head to look at me.

“The song you’re humming. What is it?”

He chuckles a little and then he starts singing instead as he lays his head back down. And it’s the end of the song, and I definitely don’t start crying.

_What would you do_

_If my heart was torn in two_

_More than words to show you feel_

_That your love for me is real_

_What would you say_

_If I took those words away_

_Then you couldn’t make things new_

_Just by saying I love you._

He sings the la-di-da part, too and then he lifts his head to smile at me and I swear he laughs when he sees that I’m crying. “Are you seriously crying right now?” I nod. “Is my singing that terrible?”

I laugh. “The opposite actually,” I say and then I lift my head up and kiss him and I guess I decompressed enough now, because it definitely doesn’t stop at kissing. He ends up on top of me, his knees on either side of my hips and were still kissing. “I do love you, though, and I’m sorry but I’m going to say. So many times.”

He chuckles a little and kisses me again. “I love you, too, but I also, definitely love when you show it instead.” He says and then he winks and crawls backwards a little so he can kiss my neck instead.

I groan a little. “That was finally starting to fade you know.”

“Which is exactly why I’m doing this,” he says and I can feel his lips move against my skin with each syllable. It sends a shiver down my spine in the best possible way.

“That feels so good,” I whisper as I run my hands up and down his back. And then he finishes what he's doing and instead starts placing a string of wet kisses down my neck and across my collar bone.

“So,” he says after placing a kiss right in the hollow at the center of my collarbones. “What’s the plan here?”

“Can’t you just keep kissing me and stop worrying about what’s going to happen next?”

He chuckles. “I mean, I _can_ , but…”

“Benji. I get it. I understand. I really do and I really appreciate that you want to make sure I know what I’m getting into or whatever you want to call it. But yes. This is me saying yes, just keeping going and I’ll tell you if I want you to stop, which I won’t, but I promise I’ll tell you if I change my mind, okay?”

He looks at me for a second and bites his lip, but then nods and crawls forward a little to kiss me. “I love you and I just want to make sure I’m not doing something that’s going to hurt you or give you regrets or…”

“Benji, I know. You’re way too good for me,” I say. “I love you, too. Now will you please go back to whatever the hell you were just doing before all this?” He laughs a little and smiles at me for a second before he moves backwards again and starts kissing my chest. I run both of my hands through his hair. “Thank you.” I feel his lips vibrate with a laugh against my skin. He runs his tongue down the center of my abs again and my hands just stay in his hair.

He lifts his head to look at me. “Hmm, did I mess something up?”

I laugh. “No. I was just… expecting it that time. It still felt nice,” I say.

He looks at me for another second and then his eyes drop over my torso. “Why’d we put these stupid jeans back on?”

“Something about dinner with your parents requiring clothing…”

“Right,” he says and then he’s undoing the button and zipper on my jeans and pulling them off. He glances at my face for a second and then he’s looking at the bulge in my boxer briefs.

“Gonna do something about that?” I say as I lift my hips a little.

He chuckles. “I have some ideas,” he says.

“I’m listening.”

“I thought I wasn’t allowed to talk anymore?”

I shake my head. “I mean you’re allowed to talk, you’re just not allowed to be a jerk that stops kissing me and makes _me_ talk, when really all I want to do is have sex with you.” He smirks for a second, but then he crawls off of me and I whine, “Where are you going?”

“To take _my_ pants off,” he says with a laugh. “Am I not allowed to do that either?”

“Oh, you’re _definitely_ allowed to do that, but it’s more fun if I do it for you,” I say and then I sit up and push his hands away from his own button so I can undo it instead. He lets me pull his jeans off and then we’re both just sitting there in our underwear smiling at each other. “I’m sorry, but I love you _so much_.”

“Why are you sorry about that?” he asks with a chuckle as he pushes me backwards onto the bed and crawls back on top of me.

“I don’t know. I guess, I just feel like I’ve said that a billion times today, but it’s so true and sometimes it’s the only thing I can think of to say to you because my brain is basically just a mushy mess of how much I love you. But then you were singing that song and…”

He chuckles. “I really didn’t mean to get you all in your head with that,” he says and then he leans forward and kisses me. “I love you, too, babe.” Then he sort of freezes and looks at me. “I just realized I said that.”

“What?”

“Um, I called you ‘babe’?”

“Okay, so? I’m actually pretty sure you did that earlier, too, but I was a little distracted when it happened, so I can’t be completely sure.”

“I don’t know. I guess, I just don’t know how you feel about the whole sappy pet name thing. Some people are weird about it.”

“Derek was weird about it?” He nods. “Why?”

“Said it was heteronormative bullshit. Just like anniversaries and candlelit dinners.”

“Yikes.” He just looks at me and I smile at him and then glance downward. “Um, well I think it’s cute, so don’t worry about it, okay?”

He smiles and then kisses me again. “Did I really do that earlier, too?”

“Um, yeah, I think so, but my dick was in your ass at the time, so the memory’s a little hazy.” I wink at him. “Speaking of which,” I wrap my hands around the back of his neck and pull his face back to mine and kiss him. “I thought we were supposed to be having sex not talking about your jackass of an ex-boyfriend and his disgusting anti-romance agenda.” I kiss him again and then I tilt my head to look at him.

“Yeah,” he says and he pretends to think. “I do seem to remember something about that.”

“And I believe you said you had ideas.” I wink at him again and raise my eyebrows.

“I did, or well, do have at least one idea,” he says with a smirk and then he scoots backwards until he’s sitting just below my underwear on my legs. He grabs at my bulge and I moan. “Shh,” he says. “My parents are home this time, remember?”

I practically growl. “Okay, okay,” I say and then I move my hips a little as he grabs me again and I swear he’s trying to have to shush me because he just keeps teasing me. Even after I convince him to take the underwear off. “So your idea,” I finally say, “is it to just torture me all night, because that’s what you seem to be doing.”

He chuckles. “No, um, I’m going to assume you’re okay with fucking me again,” he says and I can tell he’s trying to be casual about it, but that he also really wants the answer to his non-question to be yes.

“Obviously,” I say as I move my hips again.

“Good,” he says and then he leans forward and kisses me. This means his dick is pressed down against mine and _holy shit_. I move my hips a little against his and he presses his down harder into mine as our tongues slide against each other. “Stay there,” he says when he pulls away from the kiss and he climbs off of me. I whine a little and he chuckles. “So needy.” I grumble a little at his accusations. “It’s okay, I like it,” he says as he returns with the same bottle of fluorescent blue lube as earlier and another condom. I start to sit up, but his puts his hand on his chest and holds me down. “I said, stay there,” he says. My eyes go wide and I watch him. “Sorry, that was a little much.”

“No,” I say, “I’m staying, right here, promise.”

He smirks and then he picks up the condom. “Do I have to do this for you again?”

I raise my eyebrow and nod. “Please,” I whisper.

He smirks again and then uses his teeth to open the wrapper. When he slips it on, I moan a little and he bites his lip and then leans down to press his lips to mine. I start to roll toward him, having no idea what he’s even planning, but he pushes my shoulder back to the bed. “I said, stay there,” he says again. “Stop trying to move.”

I stare at him. “I didn’t realize you meant forever,” I mumble and then I kiss him again and he laughs under his breath. He keeps kissing me but a few seconds later he swings a leg over me, so he’s straddling my hips again. I raise an eyebrow at him as he sits back. “What are you doing?” I ask, but it sort of immediately dawns on me once the words are out of my mouth, because I’ve definitely seen that one before.

He winks and then picks up the bottle of lube and reaches behind his back. I can feel it hit my cock through the condom and then he strokes me. I honestly don’t know how he’s doing this without looking, but he is, because his eyes are still locked on my face. I hear the cap of the lube bottle click back into place and then he tosses it onto the other side of the bed. “I know you’re going to yell at me for asking, but this is okay, right?”

I roll my eyes. “This is perfect, stop worrying.”

“Okay,” he says and then he smiles at me as he lifts himself up onto his knees and moves backwards a little. “Um, can you bend your knees?”

“Huh?”

“Like put your feet flat on the bed and bend your knees,” he explains and I do that and then he puts his right hand on my left knees and somehow moves so he’s on his feet instead of his knees? Then his left hand slips behind him and around me and I gasp a little and he glances at me, but instead of asking if I’m okay, he just smiles and then a second later, he’s lowering himself onto my cock and _holy fuck_.

“ _God_ ,” I groan.

“You say that a lot during sex for someone that’s apparently Catholic,” he says with a little smirk. I stick my tongue out at him and he laughs.

“I also have…” I say, but I can’t finish my thought because he puts his left hand on my right knee and lifts himself up and down a couple times and the sensation is too much to keep track of what I was even trying to say. “ _Fuck_ ,” I groan instead.

“That is in fact what’s happening, yes,” he says and I don’t understand how he’s able to form complete sentences honestly, because _holy fuck_. “What were you going to say, anyway?” he ask as he settles back down and somehow ends up on his knees again.

“I have no idea,” I say and then I sort of reach for him and he smirks at me. My hands land right above his his hips and I clench my fingers into his skin. He growls a little and his hands move from my knees. “Sorry, did I hurt you?” I ask.

“Not at all,” he says and then he leans all the way forward, catching himself on his hands above my shoulders. He moves his his hips up and down and if I could live in that moment forever, I would.

“ _God_ ,” I groan again as I close my eyes. “That feels amazing.”

“Yeah,” he agrees. “It does.” He’s still moving and he has his arms locked out straight which annoys me for two reasons. One, I can’t stretch my neck far enough to kiss him. Two, he could injure his elbows doing that and I’d really rather he not get hurt. But I can’t manage to vocalize either concern because he’s still moving. “You know, you can move your hips, too.” _I can?_ So I try to lift my hips off the bed, experimentally, and yeah, okay, he’s definitely right.

There’re a couple minutes of trying to find a rhythm together, but then it’s kind of like magic and I know I’m not going to last long. I try to lift my head toward him, but he’s not paying attention. “Will you _please_ kiss me, Jesus, this is like torture.”

“Torture?” he asks, finally looking down at my face.

“The not kissing you part is,” I clarify. “The rest is perfect.”

He smirks and finally bends his elbows, so he’s basically doing a push-up over me and then his lips press into mine and I’m done with thinking. I keep lifting my hips rhythmically and his keep moving in sync and we’re kissing and I think our tongues might be synchronized, too. Then I moan and he pulls back to shush me again and I growl as I reach up and pull his head back down to kiss him more. “I’m… I’m really close,” I manage to say a minute later before I moan quietly.

“Okay. You’re allowed to cum,” he says with a little laugh.

“I know, I just,” I say, but then I can’t say anything else because I’m lifting my hips higher than I have been and groaning loudly, probably too loudly.

“Shhhhh,” he says and then he kisses me gently for a few seconds. He pushes off the bed with both hands to sit back up and then he takes his own cock in his hand and starts to stroke it. I let him do this for a second, but then I reach down and bat his hand away to replace it with my own and he smiles at me. It only takes a couple minutes and then there’s cum all over my abs and we both kind of chuckle. “Sorry,” he says as he climbs off of me. He starts to crawl toward the edge of the bed and I whine a little.

“Where are you going?”

“To get you a tissue?”

“Stay here, please,” I say and I open my arms toward him. He laughs a little but crawls back toward me. He lays down next to me and puts his hand on my chest.

“You do realize it’s harder to clean up the longer you wait, right?”

“I know. I’m not new to this particular issue,” I say and then I wink at him and he chuckles a little as he lays his head against my shoulder. “I just… I really want to cuddle you.”

“Okay,” he says and he nuzzles his head into the crook of my neck. We’re quiet for a few long seconds and then he chuckles. “Um, the condom, though. No one has to get up for that…”

“Right,” I say and I reach down, pull it off, and drop it into the trash can next to the bed. I sigh a little and lean my head against his. “Te amo tanto, mi vida,” I think, or I guess I must actually whisper it out loud, because Benji lifts his head from my shoulder and raises an eyebrow at me.

“I have no idea what you just said.”

“What?”

“What did you say?”

I laugh a little. “I said that out loud… and in Spanish, didn’t I?”

“You did.”

“Yikes, okay.”

He laughs. “Were you meaning to shit-talk me in Spanish in your head?”

“No, no, quite the opposite really,” I say and then I feel myself blushing.

“What did you say?”

I sigh. “Well, I said, I love you a lot. That part’s reasonable.”

“I love you, too,” he says and then he’s still looking at me, waiting for the rest.

“Uh, you know how you were worried when you called me ‘babe’ earlier?” He nods. “I’m slightly more worried right now.”

“What did you call me?”

“Mi vida,” I breathe and he quirks his eyebrow.

“Your something,” he says. “That’s not one I’ve heard.”

“Yeah, uh. It’s what my parents used to call each other… before they started fighting.”

“What does it mean?”

“Literally?” He shrugs. “It _literally_ translates to ‘my life’.” He just stares at me and doesn’t say anything. “Exactly. I, uh, did _not_ mean to say that out loud.”

“What does it mean figuratively?”

I laugh a little. “The same. Well, I mean I guess it’s just something you call someone you’re in love with or someone that means a lot to you, I guess. It’s kind of complicated, but it’s a bit… extreme as far as the pet names go. Should probably stick with mi amor or cariño or something.” He lifts his hand from my chest and puts his index finger across my lips, so I stop talking.

“I like it,” he says.

“Oh.”

“I mean, yeah, it’s probably a little much, but I told you I was in love with you approximately twelve hours after you decided you were my boyfriend which was approximately twenty-four hours after our first real kiss, and we still literally haven’t even been on an actual date,” he says and then he smiles at me and shakes his head a little. “We’re, uh, kind of the kings of moving too fast.”

“Too fast?”

“By societal standards.”

“So, _you_ don’t think that.”

He shrugs. “Not really. Do _you_?”

“No,” I say.

He smiles at me. “I love you, more than I should at this point, but I do, and after today and I mean, after everything, I just. I don’t know. They say tragedy bonds those that suffer it together and I think they may have a point.”

“But none of this has even been your tragedy. It’s just my life going to complete shit and then my brain being broken and…”

“Shhhh,” he says and puts his finger over my lips again. “Maybe I’m not the one that had to leave home. Maybe I’m not to the one that had my classmate use a homophobic slur, but it’s not just your tragedy, Vic. We’re in this together. I’m not going to let you suffer alone. Not through any of this or anything else. I know what it’s like to suffer alone and I know what it’s like to have a boyfriend that lets you suffer alone because he just doesn't want to deal with or thinks emotions are heteronormative or whatever the fuck his problem is. I’m never going to do that to you, okay? I love you.”

I smile at him. “I love you, too.”

Then he glances to the nightstand and sighs loudly. “I need to take you back to the Spiers' before you get a curfew violation in your first week.”

“What?” I ask and he nods toward the nightstand so I turn my head. It’s already 9:30. “Oh shit. I guess I actually have to let you go now, huh?”

“Unfortunately,” he says and then he rolls away out of my arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I steal the idea of using the song "More than Words" from Love, Creekwood? The world may never know. [I did. Thanks, Becky!]


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated: M
> 
> Direct sex mention in the latter portion. Recapping of the earlier homophobic incident in the first portion.

When Benji parks in front of the Spiers’ house a little later, he immediately leans across the console and kisses me. I smile at him when he leans away. “So, are you going to tell them what happened today?” he asks

I sigh. “I kind of have to, I think. I want to ask Emily to reach out to that friend of hers. I also have to tell Simon because he’s definitely going to freak out, but he’d also want to know,” I say and then I open the door.

“Well, call me if you need me, okay?”

I smile at him. “Um, I’ll probably have to text instead, because I’m sure Nora will be in bed before I finish telling this story twice. If I can even manage to get through it.”

“Oh, babe,” he says with a little sigh. “It’ll be okay. _You_ ’ll be okay and if you’re not. Seriously, call me and I will do anything I can to make it better, okay?”

I smile at him again. “Thanks. I love you and I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

He nods. “I love you, too. Try to get some sleep, okay?”

“Okay,” I say with another little smile and then I close the door and start walking toward the house. Just as I open the front door, I hear Benji’s car pull away and I look over my shoulder to watch before stepping inside.

“Victor?” Emily’s voice calls from the living room.

“Yeah, it’s me,” I say as I turn around to lock the door behind myself. By the time I turn back around, she’s standing in the doorway.

“How was school today? Did you work?”

I sigh. “Um. That’s a long story. I didn’t work; I’ve just been at Benji’s all day. Um, can we sit down maybe?”

She nods and looks concerned. “Of course, of course,” she says and then she walks back into the living room and sits on the far end of the sofa before gesturing for me to take the opposite end.

I sit down and sigh a little as I kick my shoes off and curl my legs under myself. I turn to face her and sigh again. “Um, so, everything was fine until third period.” She tilts her head and waits for more. I swallow hard and then I laugh a little. “Um, so Benji’s been walking me to class because he’s a dork and when we stopped outside my health class before third period, he kissed me and we were kissing in a way that probably isn’t appropriate in a school hallway.” She raises an eyebrow. “Please don’t. My mom already did that one.”

“You mother?”

“Sigh. Yeah. I talked to her. I’ll get there.” Emily nods once. “Um, so the bell rang and Benji had to run to his own class while I walked into mine. I sat down and Felix was giving me a look that made it clear Benji and I had been visible from inside the classroom. Um, then the kid that sits next to me, I don’t even know his name, said something. Um, he used a homophobic slur and I had a panic attack. Andrew tried to defend me or tell him off or something which was shocking, to be completely honest. Um, it was the worst panic attack I’ve ever had. I felt so removed form the whole thing. Like I was watching myself fall apart from the outside. I couldn’t hear or at least I couldn’t understand anything happening around me. When I finally came to I guess…”

“That’s called dissociation,” Emily says quietly. “It can happen when you’re under great stress or it can be the result of existing trauma. It’s common in people with things like PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder.”

“Oh,” I say quietly.

“I’m sorry. I just know most people like being able to put a name to what they’re feeling.”

“Thank you,” I say and I try to smile at her and she smiles back. “Um, well, when I came to or whatever, I realized that Felix, Lake, and Mia were all crouched next to my desk. Then, Ms. Thomas asked if one of them would walk me to the guidance office while she called down, so Felix volunteered and we left the classroom. We were walking and I’m sure Felix was talking to me, but he was fading in an out as I tried to keep myself from panicking again and I was really struggling to… to stay inside myself?” She nods in understanding. “Um, we were almost to the guidance office when a voice cut through the haze of my brain. It was Benji asking Felix what happened. I didn’t hear Felix’s response though, because all I could do or think to do was throw myself fat Benji which is probably a little ridiculous, but whatever. And, he held me, both upright and together somehow for I don’t know how long but the next time I could focus on anything other than the panic attack pulling me apart, Felix was gone and Benji’s teacher had walked over. I don’t remember the whole conversation or even what they were supposed to be doing, you’d have to ask him, but his teacher told him to take care of me, so he walked with me the rest of the way to the guidance office.”

Emily smiles gently. “Was the guidance counselor helpful?”

I nod a little. “Mr. Crow was great. He apparently knows you?”

She nods. “Jay and I used to work together a long time ago and he was Simon and Nora’s guidance counselor, too.”

I nod a little a smile. “Uh, so, I was a complete weirdo and made Benji stay with me the whole time because literally just the thought of him leaving was enough to make me feel on the verge of panic again.”

“That’s not weird. He makes you feel safe. It’s actually a good thing when you can find someone or something that does that for you in those situations, Victor. Not weird at all.”

I smile at her a little. I really like Simon’s mom; even if she can be a bit much sometimes. “Uh, anyway, we were in his office for two class periods and then he said that he was sort of obligated to call my mom because of what happened. I’d told him what happened this weekend, too, so he agreed to only try to contact her and not my dad. Um, Benji and I went to lunch and we sat with my friends which was nice. I mean all four of them were in the class with me when it happened and then my sister sat with us, too, so we told her. Then my mom texted my sister and asked if she’d talked to me and that’s how the whole talking to my mom thing came about.”

“I see.”

“She was worried. She actually referred to Benji as my boyfriend though, so that threw us all for a loop when Pilar read the text out loud. Um, after school, the plan all day had been that I was going over to Benji’s house because neither of us worked today, so that’s what happened. We hung out in his room and then had dinner with his parents and then I called my mom when she was done with lessons for the day and talked to her. Um, I’m actually going to go over there after work on Saturday. Mostly to see Adrian, my little brother, but also to start trying to give my mom a chance, I guess. I asked her if Benji could come with me and she said she wanted to think about that first.”

Emily smiles a little at me. “I think that sounds like a wonderful idea. Both as a psychologist and as a mom. Did you tell her where you’ve been staying?”

I laugh a little. “I tried. She doesn’t understand exactly, but I knew that would happen. And she didn’t seem at all angry that I was at Benji’s house when I called her, so that’s something, I guess.” She nods a little. “Um, I wanted to ask you. You said you had a friend… do you think you could put me in contact or whatever?”

She smiles broadly and nods a little. “I can get an appointment set up for you if you want. Just give me your schedule for the rest of the week. She practices pretty close to the school, so you could probably walk there.”

“Oh, uh. Tomorrow, I work five to close, so I’d have right after school. Same on Thursday, and then Friday I work three to seven, so I wouldn’t really have time.”

She nods. “Let me see if she has a three o’clock either of the next two days and I’ll let you know in the morning, okay?”

I nod and start to get up. “Um, is Nora already in bed?”

Emily shakes her head. “They’re working on that damned puzzle again.”

“I want to call Simon. I figure, he’d probably wanna know about all this.” She nods and smiles and then I pick up my shoes and backpack and walk toward the stairs. When I sit down on the bed, I call Simon and he answers on the second ring.

“Victor? What’s going on, man?”

“Uh, it’s been a day. You have a minute?”

“Yeah, of course. Just got home. What’s up?”

“Is Bram there, too? Maybe the others? I feel like I could use all the support I can manage right now.”

“Bram’s here. Let me see if anyone else is around. Give me just a minute.” I hear shuffling in the background as Simon moves around and then some knocking on door and whispering before he says. “Okay, we’re actually all home tonight, so I’m going to put you on speaker, okay?”

“Amazing, thank you.”

There’s a beep and then everyone does a round of “Hi, Victor!” before Simon asks me what’s going on and I relay the story to them. Including what happened at school and the conversation with my mom. “And you were just ‘hanging out’ in the boyfriend’s bedroom all afternoon?” Justin says.

“Oh my _God_. I just had the shittiest school day on record and you want to badger me about my sex life and the positive part of the day. Can we not, please?” I groan. “Simon, I thought you promised not to tell any of them about that.”

Simon laughs. “I didn’t tell them. You’re just really obvious and now you just told them yourself, so…”

“ _God_ ,” I groan again. “As long as my mom doesn’t think I’m that obvious. I do _not_ need my mom making _any_ comments about my sex life or gay sex in general; thank you.” They all laugh wildly. “Actually, _fuck_.”

“Oh? Have we gone further than sucking dicks already?” Simon says.

“Yes, but shut up. That’s not what I’m talking about.”

“Victor!”

“Shush! When I was on the phone with my mom earlier. I guess Benji and I weren’t really thinking and he kissed me and my mom heard it. Which is fine because apparently Mr. Crow told her we were making out in the hallway already, so that wasn’t news. But then he laid his head back down. We were sort of cuddling or whatever and his hair tickled me and I laughed and my mom asked if I was okay so I told her what happened. Realizing two seconds later that there aren’t a lot of reason my boyfriend’s hair would be in a place to tickle me at all.” They all laugh again. “You know, I’m starting to hate you guys. You’re supposed to be helping me, but all you’re doing is laughing at me.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Bram’s voice says. “You’re just too cute, Vic. I remember the days of trying to hide our sex lives from our parents, too. You’re not the only one that’s said things like that without thinking. Promise.”

“I mean, from what Nora said, you two have done more than say things.”

“ _God_ , that’s true, but I don’t like thinking about it,” Bram groans.

“But you don’t try to hide it anymore?”

Bram laughs. “Nah, we definitely full-on had sex while Simon’s parents were sleeping in our living room the other month when they came to visit.”

“You don’t have to tell him that!” Simon practically screeches and now it’s my turn to laugh at them. “You’re lucky I love you.”

Bram chuckles. “Very lucky, in deed. Anyway, Vic, as long as you’re being safe…”

“We are!” I promise before anyone can start a gay sex talk.

“Good, so as long as that’s true, there’s nothing wrong with having a little fun with your boyfriend. Besides, from how I understand it you two are basically the kings of moving too fast for heteronormative societal standards.”

“ _Kings!”_ Justin echoes and I roll my eyes even though they can’t see.

“I mean, I did accidentally call him a really intense Spanish pet name earlier,” I say with a chuckle as I remember that whole thing. “After he freaked out about accidentally calling me babe which was nothing in comparison and honestly nothing in general. His ex just has a a weird anti-romance agenda against what he calls ‘heteronormative bullshit’ like pet names, anniversaries, and candlelit dinners.”

“Yikes,” someone says and I can’t even tell who.

“Yeah. My official lifegoal is to prove to Benji that Derek is the weird one in this situation. So much romance and bullshit incoming if I can ever get myself together, that is.”

“Wait, Derek that graduated with Nora?” Simon says.

“Yep.”

“How old is Benji?”

“Oh my _God_ , Simon, what are you, our dad? He’s seventeen. He’s a junior.”

“Dating an older man, are you?” Ivy says and I roll my eyes again.

“Okay, I’m ending this phone call. Y’all are too much.”

They all laugh. “Okay, well, thanks for telling me Vic, and I’m glad you’re letting my mom help you even if she is completely ridiculous.”

“Thanks, Simon, and all of you. Have a good night.”

“You, too, baby gay!” Justin says and then I end the call.

I flop backwards onto the bed and I’m honestly kind of surprised that I’m not panicking or crying or whatever, so I text Benji. _Just got off the phone with Simon and friends. Honestly, it all went better than anticipated and I’m sorry, but they all now know we’ve had sex, because apparently, I’m just that obvious. Emily’s going to see if her friend has time between school and work one of the next two days to see me. I’ll see you in the morning, mi vida. I love you. [kissy emoji]_

_By ‘they all’ you mean Simon and his roommates, right? Not his parents?_

_[laugh-cry emoji] YES! No parents. None. I swear. Jesus Christ, no._

_[laugh-cry emoji] Just checking. I love you, too, babe. Goodnight. [kissy emoji]_


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated: M (direct mentions of sex)

I’m about to set my phone down on the nightstand when it vibrates again, so I look at the screen. It’s a text from Simon. _Wait, what did you call Benji? You never told us._

I laugh a little. _That might have been intentional._

_Okay, so what did you call him? Come on. You literally just told us you had SEX, Victor._

I groan. _I meant to say it under my breath so he couldn’t hear, but he did, because I’m bad at whispering, apparently. I said ‘Te amo tanto, mi vida.’ And I am not google translate, so figure it out on your own. I’m going to bed._

I put my phone back on the nightstand without waiting for a reply, but less than ten seconds later the phone is vibrating multiple times in a row, so I groan and pick it back up. I guess he told everyone, because the texts aren’t only from Simon.

Simon – _Ivy speaks Spanish, unfortunately for you. VICTOR._

Ivy – _Victor, you’ve been dating this guy for what? Three days? Four maybe? And you said THAT!?! WOW._

Justin – _Baby gay, I’m worried about you. I know you’ve been in love with this boy since basically forever, but that’s… a lot…_

Bram – _Don’t tell Simon I told you this, but that’s cute. And don’t tell him I told you this either, but we DEFINITELY started signing our emails with love long before we even knew who each other were. AND it was definitely him that did it first, for the record. Granted he was drunk from my Halloween party at the time. [winky emoji]_

Kim – _VICTOR! OMG. VICTOR! I mean I know as gays we are known to move way too fast in relationships, but holy shit, boy._

I groan. Ivy must have explained what it meant and not just translated which is unfortunate, because the translation is more than enough to make me sound insane. I’m just grateful for Bram’s response. At least he doesn’t think I’ve absolutely lost it. And Benji doesn’t think that either and honestly, that’s all that actually matters. The only message I reply to is Bram’s.

_Thank you for this. I needed to hear that. Tell your roommates and boyfriend to shut up for me, k? I’m for real going to bed now._

I wonder if he’ll tell Simon what he told me to garner that response. Maybe he won’t even tell Simon I responded at all. Whatever, it doesn’t matter either way. I’m exhausted, so I plug my phone back in and set it back on the nightstand before I roll over. I somehow manage to not get sucked into another thought spiral and fall asleep fairly quickly.

When my alarm goes off in the morning, I barely even groan as I reach for my phone to turn it off. Then I see the numerous more texts (mostly from Simon) waiting for me and do actually groan as I turn off the alarm and start to read.

Simon @ 11:44 PM – _Bram showed me what he told you and your response. I hate him, but I’m going to try to let you sleep. Also, I WAS DRUNK and I thought Leah was in love with Nick when she was really in love with me? God, that was a weird time._

Simon @ 11:56 PM – _I know I said I’m going to let you sleep, but seriously Victor. I think you need to think about this some more. I’m here if you want to talk to it out, okay?_

Simon @ 11:59 PM – _I mean the Benji thing, but also what happened at school, btw._

Simon @ 12:03 AM – _I mean, don’t worry about that jerk, honestly. I’m sure Ms. Albright suspended him for a month. You should have seen her after what happened when I was outed on the tumblr. She’s a saint, that woman._

Simon @ 12:07 AM – _I’m sorry. I know you’re trying to sleep, but I just keep thinking of things to tell you. I think you should take someone with you on Saturday. Even if she says Benji can’t come. Felix maybe? I’m worried about you._

Simon @ 12:10 AM – _Also, you HAD SEX!?! I need more than that. I mean. I don’t need like details details, but like you HAD SEX!?!? Already? He’s not like pressuring you into this right? I don’t know. You’re just moving really fast._

Simon @ 12:13 AM – _Also, you were MAKING OUT IN THE HALLWAY!?!? Jesus, Victor. You still live in Georgia. CALM DOWN._

Bram @ 12:15 AM – _I keep telling him to let you sleep. I swear, I do. I’m sorry if he’s keeping you awake. I’m about to take his phone away if he doesn’t stop. Also… he wasn’t THAT drunk, don’t believe him. He did however think Leah was in love with Nick and that WAS hilarious. Remind us to tell you that story sometime, okay? Good luck at school tomorrow._

I reply to Bram first. _Thanks. Again. And I do definitely want to hear that story; especially knowing she’s with Abby now? That has to be good._

Then I reply to Simon in a long series of texts.

_Please chill. You’re lucky I fell asleep so fast._

_I’m sure I’ll find out what Ms. Albright did to that guy today, because I’m friends with Lake. Creekwood’s most notorious gossip._

_The Felix idea was already in the cards if she says no to Benji. No worries there._

_And yes, we had sex and no he’s not pressuring me into anything. It was my idea, thank you very much. Both times. He was actually hesitant to allow it iwbh, so there._

_Stop thinking ill of my boyfriend. He’s the world’s most perfect boyfriend. I will hear no arguments on the matter._

_And yes, we were making out in the hallway after discussing the fact that I was going over to his house after school. [smirking emoji]_

_And we’ve already discussed that we should probably keep our tongues to ourselves in public from now on._

_So calm down and thank Bram for me again for taking your phone or making you stop texting me or whatever he did, because I think if there had been one more message I might have exploded._

I reread my messages after the last one sends and realize the “both times” in the one about sex has two meanings and Simon _really_ doesn’t need to know about the second, but it makes me chuckle. As I’m getting dressed my phone buzzes on top of the dresser and I go to pick it up, expecting something from Simon, or at least Bram, but no. It’s from Benji, which makes me smile instead of groan at least.

_Good morning handsome. I love you so so much. I really hope today’s a better day for you, but if you need me, you know how to find me. See you soon. [kissy emoji]_

Okay, so he’s actually perfect. I’m not making it up. He’s legitimately the most perfect person to ever exist and somehow, he’s my boyfriend. _God._

_Good morning, mi vida. I love you even more. You are actually perfect. You know that, right? And I absolutely cannot wait to see you. [kissy emoji]_

_I appreciate the sentiment, but I am not perfect. And it’s completely impossible that you love me more. No chance. [heart emoji]_

_Lies and slander. On both accords. [kissy emoji]_

I put my phone back down before I can roped into arguing with him about this all morning, and go back to getting dressed. I pick up my backpack and realize I did _none_ of my homework, so that should be great. I sigh a little as I pick up my phone and walk out of the room. When I get to the kitchen Emily, Jack, and Nora are all already at the table. “Good morning,” I say with a smile.

Emily smiles at me. “Victor! So, I talked to my friend and she has tomorrow at 3:15. Is that going to be okay for you? It should only be an hour or so…”

“That’s perfect, Emily. I really appreciate it. Can you just give me her office address then?”

“Of course. I think I have one of her cards in my study. Let me go and see.” She gets up from the table and walks out of the room. Jack turns to me.

“She told me what happened yesterday at school and with your mom. How are you really doing?” he says.

I think for a second, but then I nod. “I’m actually okay. I knew something like that might happen. I just wasn’t anticipating my own reaction. And I’m looking forward to seeing my brother and I’m glad my mom’s at least looking like she’s willing to try to understand a little bit. Overall, I think it’ll be okay.”

He smiles gently and nods once as Emily comes back into the room. She hands me a business card which I read. It has the lady’s name, phone number, and address on it. “Thanks!”

“Actually, if you could give her office a call sometime today to give them the rest of your information. I didn’t know like your birthday or all that to tell her last night.”

“Oh, yeah, of course.”

“And before you ask or worry; she’s seeing you pro bono. For now, at least. If you end up going back to your mom and you feel okay with telling her, you can start using your insurance, but for now, no one has to know.”

“Thanks,” I say again. “I’ll call the office after school before work tonight.” I look at the card again. “It’s just this number minus the extension, right?” Emily nods and then Nora pulls out her phone and looks at the time.

“Oops. I gotta go. I’m gonna be late. Bye, guys,” she says. She quickly gets to her feet, drops her dishes in the sink, and races toward the front door.

My phone buzzes in my pocket so I pull it out, too. It’s a text from Benji again. _Here whenever you’re ready, babe. [kissy emoji]_

I smile a little. _Just a minute. [kissy emoji]_

When I look up Emily and Jack are smirking at me, so I sigh and shake my head. “I wish all my parents did was smirk at me when they caught me talking to him.” That turns their smirks into frowns quickly. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to kill the mood. Anyway, Benji’s here, so I’m gonna go. Thanks for breakfast.”

I don’t wait for a response before getting to my feet and taking my dishes to the sink. I pick up my backpack at the bottom of the stairs and walk outside. Benji is leaning against the side of his car which is parked at the curb and I roll my eyes as I walk toward him. “You really don’t need to get out. I’m capable of opening a door for myself.”

“You’re also capable of walking to class alone, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let you do either of those things when I’m around,” he says with a smile. He opens the door and then leans up to kiss me. “Good morning, by the way,” he says with a chuckle as he gestures for me to get into the car.

“Hi,” I say and then I lean next to his ear and whisper, “I love you more than anything, so so much, okay? Don’t try to argue with me about it.” I kiss his cheek and then I sit down. He just stares at me for a second and then shakes his head a little before closing the door and walking around to the other side of the car. Once he sits down and starts the engine, he turns to look at me and I laugh. “What?”

“I love you, too, so incredibly much. I’m not going to argue with you about it, but please know that if nothing else I love you just as much as you love me, okay?”

“Okay,” I say and I smile at him. I think I can live with that. As he pulls out I remember the texts with everyone last night and laugh a little.

“I give up, what’s funny?”

“Uh, so last night, after I had texted you. Simon texted me again because apparently, I’d mentioned that I’d called you a super intense Spanish pet name, but never bothered to tell them what it was. That may or may not have been on purpose.”

He chuckles. “And?”

“As my luck would have it. Ivy apparently speaks Spanish, so my scheme of only telling him what I said and refusing to translate was unhelpful.”

“Oops.”

“Yeah, well, they all kinda freaked out on me (other than Bram) after Ivy explained what it meant to them.”

“Well, their opinions really don’t matter, do they?” he says, but he seems a little unsure.

“Not at all. Yours is the one that matters to me. Not any of theirs.”

“Good,” he says and I can hear the relief in his voice. “I love you.”

“Te amo tanto, mi vida,” I say quietly. “I’m gonna have to teach you more fun things in Spanish though and then I can tell you all sorts of things in the hallways and at lunch and no one’ll ever know.”

“Except everyone that takes Spanish.”

“Yeah, the things I’m thinking about aren't things you learn in high school Spanish class, cariño. That one _might_ be, but the rest aren’t.”

He chuckles. “Okay, well, I take French, so what does that one mean?”

I laugh. “Uh, it’s just a generic cute thing to call people? My mom uses it sometimes. Like honey or sweetheart, I guess?”

“Seems slightly more appropriate.”

“Do you want me to use that instead?” I ask. _I thought he like mi vida._

“No, no. I just mean. Around people who might know what you’re talking about,” he assures me. “You can call me whatever you want when we’re alone. I mean, don’t like call me names or something and then pretend you’re being nice.”

“I would never,” I say and honestly, I’m a little insulted that he would even think I’d consider that. “I do need to watch my mouth around my sister though. I can only imagine her face if I say something stronger than cariño or maybe mi amor within radius of her.”

He chuckles. “Mi amor is my love, right? I think I’ve heard that one before.”

“Yeah. My mom says that a lot, too, actually.”

He smiles a little bit as he turns into the school parking lot. “I’m glad thinking about and talking about your parents isn’t making you collapse anymore.”

I smile a little, too. “Uh, just my mom. Pretty sure if something reminded me of my dad, I’d still be a mess.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

He parks at the back of the lot along a row of trees even though there’s plenty of closer spots open. We’re really early; the first warning bell isn’t going to ring for another fifteen minutes according to the clock on his dashboard. “Why’d you park way back here?”

“Because I wanted to do this without everyone watching,” he says and then he leans across the car and takes my face in his hands before pressing his lips to mine, urgently. “Since I’m not allowed to make out with you in the hallways anymore, I needed to find somewhere to do it,” he says with a wink and then he’s kissing me again and I don’t have the brain power to formulate a response.

“Good reason,” I say when he finally pulls away with a smug smirk. “Very very good reason. Not making out with you in the hallways is going to be difficult.”

He chuckles. “Am I still allowed to kiss you chastely, or is that out now, too? I mean, I completely understand either way, but…”

I laugh a little. “You’re definitely allowed to do that. Be a respectable boyfriend and walk me to class and then kiss me before you run away to your own class. That’s still allowed.”

“Good,” he says and then he kisses me again. “I guess we should go inside,” he says tapping the clock. And he’s right the warning bell is only two minutes away now and the the parking lot is almost entirely full of cars.

“Oops,” I say and he laughs as he turns off the car and opens his door. By the time I get out of the car and walk around to the front, he’s waiting for me. He extends his right hand and I twist the fingers of my left hand through it. About five seconds after we walk into the school, the bell rings and I sigh as we hurry toward my locker. “You should probably just go to your locker so you’re not late for first period,” I say.

“I’ll be fine.”

I look at him for a second, but open my locker. As I’m about to close the door and turn around, Lake and Mia show up. “Victor!” Mia says and I turn to her. She’s smiling at me. “How are you doing? Are you okay?”

I sigh a little. “Yeah, I’m good. Thanks.” I glance at Lake. “Have you heard what happened to whatever the hell his name is yet? I’m sort of curious after what I’ve heard about Ms. Albright’s radical enforcement of the zero-tolerance policy.”

“Oh yeah,” Lake says. “I posted it to Creek Secrets already. Do you not check the tumblr?”

“Not usually,” I say. “Do I have to go read it or are you going to tell me?”

She shrugs. “He got suspended for the rest of the school year.”

“Yikes.”

“It’s like two months. They’re sending the home/school visitor or whatever. And he’s on final warning, so if he does _anything_ against the policy next year; he’ll be expelled.”

“Wow,” I say and I glance at Benji who shrugs.

“Seems fitting if you ask me.”

“Agreed,” Mia says. “Anyway, see you in class.” She squeezes my forearm lightly and smiles gently before she loops her arm through Lake’s and they walk away. The second warning bell rings and Benji grabs my hand and takes off toward his locker.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to come say hi on tumblr (/onlyherefortheshowmances). I love comments and you can also send me asks (anon or not) on Tumblr with what you're thinking of any of my fics or fic requests/prompts for the future (mostly one shots, right now, please as I have too many WIPs already and another long fic idea in waiting).


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